Nursery Crimes

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** By Zylaa**
Kim: Hurry Ron, baby and missing are a bad combination.
Ron: Right with ya KP.
Kim: Wade, need a DNA scan of the baby’s hair…then an ultraviolet sweep of the nursery. Ron?
Ron: Look, I spelled Rufus.
Mother: Kim Possible, thank goodness you’re here.
Kim: We came as soon as we heard your baby was… right there in your arms?
Father: It’s not our baby that’s missing.
Mother: No, it’s her… her…
Father: Paccie.
Kim: You called us for a missing pacifier?
Ron: Can’t you just buy a new one?
Kim: What up Wade?
Wade: Something seriously weird.
Kim: Let me guess, a worldwide wave of stolen pacifiers?
Wade: Yea! How did you know?
Kim: Just a hunch.
Mother: Whoever did this…? I said whoever did this left a note.
Ron: O-oh look, ransom is spelled out “little booties”. O-oh, that’s adorable, and a-a-plew, dusty.
Kim: Not dust, baby powder.
Wade: Scan complete Kim, aaand we’re looking at rare baby talc, manufactured in the tiny English village of sheershimsheer. Well, it used to be.
Kim: Not anymore?
Wade: The baby powder factory has been closed for years.
Ron: Uh, sounds dead endish.
Wade: Maybe not, look at this. Sheershimsheer is also the home of a nanny-training academy. Oh wait, also closed.
Ron: That’s double dead endish.
Rufus: Yea.
Kim: It’s the only lead we got, better check it out.
Ron: Ok, the creepy factor’s in serious over freak here.
Rufus: O-o-o-oh.
Kim: It’s just an old house, it’s not haunted.
Ron: A-ha, it’s a zombie!
Old Lady: May I help you?
Kim: (To Ron) Not a Zombie… (To Old Lady) Hi, we’re looking for Nanny Maim.
Old Lady: I am she.
Kim: I’m Kim Possible, and this is Ron Stoppable.
Ron: Hey.
Nanny Maim: Hay is for horses young man, and do stand up straight. Your posture is atrocious.
Ron: Yes Ma’am.
Kim: We were hoping to find out about your nanny academy.
Nanny Maim: Deary, there hasn’t been an academy here for years. No one needs nannies anymore. At least, not nannies who know how to handle unruly children.
Kim: It’s just that we have some questions about the baby powder used to be manufactured here.
Nanny Maim: Ohhh, perhaps I can help you with that.
Kim: Really?
Nanny Maim: Yes. I would suggest you take your questions and… go else…where.
Kim and Ron: Huh?
Kim: Let’s see if the other locals are friendlier.
Ron: uh, I’d settle for not as bone chillingly eerie.
Bartender: Welcome to the Cow and Cone. ‘Ave a pint. Would it be a ‘and scoop or soft served?
Ron: Well, uh I’m a scoop guy myself, pistachio please.
Rufus: Me too.
Bartender: And ‘ow about you miss, would you like?
Kim: Information.
Bartender: Certainly, ‘appy to ‘elp.
Kim: It’s about the nanny academy.
Bartender: Well it was an academy right now. Lovely old place it was.
Kim: What happened?
Bartender: sighs Times miss, same as the rest of sheershimsheer. First the baby powder plant closed, then people stopped hirin’ nannies.
Ron: And that’s when they went into the zombie business, right?
Rufus: O-o-oh.
Bartender: What’s he on about?
Kim: What about the old woman we spoke to there?
Bartender: You spoke to…uh, Nanny Maim? Oh, ah you needn’t worry a tick about her. She’s a lovely woman that one. So to the earth.
WoMan:**** A heart of gold, she has.
Man: They don’t make ‘em like they her anymore.
Ron: Why would they want to?
Kim: What are they looking for?
Bartender: Not babies miss, never babies. We like babies ‘round ‘ere we do, heh heh. That’s right.
WoMan:**** Oh yes, we like babies just fine. But not snoopers like you.
Bartender: Per’aps your order should be for take away.
Kim: Things are way weird here.
Ron: Yeah, pistachio is s’pose to be green.
Kim: We need to take another look at that academy.
Ron: Ok, but walk slow ‘cause munches once you get passed the purple this is good pistachio.
Bartender: Oh…oh, I didn’t tell ‘em nothing, I swears I didn’t.
Kim: Ron, infiltrating, no crunch zone.
Ron: Right. Munches Woah, there’s chocolate at the bottom, heh-eh.
Kim: sighs Wade, what have you got?
Wade: Nothing I can put my finger on. Infrared shows something in there is using a lot of power, but I have no idea what.
Bartender: Ahhhhh!!!
Ron: Kim, don’t look. This is possibly the sickest thing I’ve ever seen.
Kim: Sicker then the time you put Diablos sauce on pancakes?
Ron: MUCH!
Kim: Ye-oh, captured by babies. This is a new personal low.
Ron: You gotta admit they were cute…until they kicked our butts.Baby: Tbbbbt.
Nanny Maim: Apparently, during your last visit, I did not make myself clear.
Kim: Oh, it’s very clear. You’re creating an army of super babies, and using them to steal pacifiers.
Ron: Ok, now see I was thinking that but when you said it out loud, I-it sounded silly.
Kim: I know.
Nanny Maim: Your impertinence must be punished…after tea. Excuse me a moment.
Kim: I’ll keep her talking, you see if Rufus can free us.
Ron: Ok right. Rufus? Rufus! You gotta chew through these ropes.
Nanny Maim: So very naughty, trying to muck up Nanny Maim’s plans like this. sips Hmmmm, what to do.
Kim: You could tell us what this is all about. That’s sort of traditional in situations like this.
Nanny Maim: Well deary, back in the day I trained the sternness nannies the world has ever seen, but times changed. A stern nanny was no longer the fashion. Fewer and fewer of my graduates were hired. Finally, nanny had to close her lovely academy for good.
Kim: So, this is about revenge?
Nanny Maim: Do not interrupt, that is quite rude. Nanny Maim realized you could make more money making children unhappy, then she could making them happy.
Ron: Hey, what’s more traditional than greed?
Kim: And the um, hench babies?
Nanny Maim: These little dears? They show just what traditional Nanning and firm discipline can accomplish. Also, feeding full-size henchmen gets a bit pricey.
Ron: Cheap, that’s traditional too.
Kim: The good guys getting free while the bad guy explains the plan…also traditional.
Nanny Maim: You Americans have some very strange traditions. Ones for which I don’t much care. Get them!
Ron: Ron Stoppable is more than a match for any baby. I got a little sis myself, so bring it on. Waaaaa, blah no, I meant one at a time, ahhhh.
Kim: How do I fight babies?
Ron: How do you not fight them? Ahh, hey, watch the beaks.
Nanny Maim: That’s it dearies, make nanny proud.
Ron: Ahh! Uh. Man, these are some tough babies.
Rufus: eeahh, oh boy.
Ron: Hey, that tickles, heh heh. Oh-ho, this is embarrassing.
Baby Ron: giggles Boo-ya.
Kim: Don’t be a baby Ron.
Nanny Maim: It’s very bad manners to play with your food.
Ron: Wah?
Kim: Huh?
Nanny Maim: These aren’t like the babies you’re use to. They’re as strong as full grown men.
Kim: Well the babies I’m used to… gasps. Of course. This isn’t a save the world thing, it’s a babysitting thing. Uh-oh, where did Kimmie go?
Nanny Maim: She’s right there. You’re children.
Kim: Peek-a-boo!
Nanny Maim: Noooooo. Stop her.
Ron: Oh, glad that’s over.
Kim: Um, it’s not quite over. How many times did you go through that machine?
Ron: Well I lost count, why? Oh, you know I find the giant diaper a delightful change of pace.
Mother: sighs We finally got her settled down. She’s asleep now.
Kim: We recovered the pacifier. Ron, where is it?
Ron: Got it right here KP.
Kim: gasps
Ron: Heh-eh, I’ll just wipe it off.
Kim: Careful Ron.
Ron: Oops, ok no wait I-I got it, heh-eh. Oh don’t worry, don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that came from. How ‘bout this one? No, ok this one? I think this one’s from France. No? You like pink? Oh come on, everybody likes pink. How ‘bout this one?



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