Big Bother

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By wallaceb
Barkin: Ok listen up people, today in health class we begin an important lesson in responsibility.
Ron: A sack of flower?
Barkin: A bundle of joy.
Ron: Right, joy. What?
Girl: Yes, it’s the baby lesson.
Ron: The what, what?
Girl: You have to treat the sack as if it was a new born infant. It’s way cool.
Ron: Ok, what does schlepping a bag of flower around have to do with health?
Barkin: Well for starters Stoppable, if anything happens to your bag it would be unhealthy for your grade.
Ron: Uh-hu.
Barkin: For the next week you will be tasked with this 10 pound bag of stone ground Minnesota wheat. Treat it like your own flesh and blood.
Ron: Uh, you know why don’t they use like rump roast, wouldn’t that be more authentically fleshy?
Girl: Oh gross. Maybe you need to visualize.
Barkin: You will see to your crushing parenting burden with patience, tenderness, and love.
Ron: Oh, how do you love… she has my eyes. Kim, I know I’m bias but isn’t she beautiful?
Kim: Oh the flower assignment, aren’t you a little old for the flower assignment?
Ron: Bonding time Kim, don’t diss me in front of little sacky.
Kim: Sacky?
Rufus: Hmm, yum.
Ron: Whoa, hey, did you disinfect? K, for the next 7 days, sacky is my number one priority.
Rufus: Oh, stupid sacky.
Kim: Ok, now you have seriously taken the deep leap, you turned your bedroom into a nursery? Wait… when did you turn your room into a nursery?
Ron: I didn’t. Wait, why is my room a nursery?
Mr. Stoppable: Because Ronald, son, our family has adopted a precious little girl.
Ron: We… you… I… wait… why didn’t you tell me?!
Mr. Stoppable: This is our way of telling you.
Mrs. Stoppable: Ronnie, meet your new baby sister, Hanna Stoppable.
Ron: My own parents, banishing me to the attic!
Kim: Well, they couldn’t out the baby up here.
Ron: Oh, you must be referring to the intruder.
Kim: Come on, you have always complained about being an only child. You were even jealous of the tweebs Ron, the tweebs. And now, you’re a big brother.
Ron: Don’t remind me. Just glad I can count on you and Rufus to stand beside me through out this ordeal. Um, Rufus?
Rufus: Peek-a-boo.
Kim: Face it Ron, you freak folly over change. But you’ll adapt.
Ron: I don’t and I won’t!
Kim: Will, and once that fraternal instinct kicks in, you’ll love her, trust me. What’s the sitch Wade?
Wade: Got a hit on the site from the Yamanuchi School in Japan.
Ron: Yamanuchi? Yori?
Wade: Yea, she said she needed Stoppable-san right away.
Ron: Wade, you better fill in some blanks pronto.
Wade: To help her, both of you, including Kim, who she asked about… fondly.
Ron: Nice save.
Kim: I don’t know, Ron-san’s got his own sitch right now.
Ron: So many sitches, so little time.
Barkin: Stoppable, how many time do I have to say it, home time is my time, doubly so at bath time.
Ron: Mr. Barkin please, you have to give me another flower baby.
Barkin: You blew the assignment already?! It’s only been two hours.
Kim: To be fair, it wasn’t entirely Ron’s fault, there we ah… extenuating circumstances.
Rufus: Uh-ho, no, no.
Ron: The intruder sacked sacky.
Barkin: I don’t know what that means, but here, I’m running out of hot water.
Ron: You won’t regret it sir, I will take great care of sacky I I.
Kim: Sacky I I?
Ron: It’s Roman numeral KP, it adds the aristocratic touch. It all happened to fast.
Kim: I know, but on smile from Hanna and you’ll…
Ron: Oh not her, I’m missing sacky I I.
Kim: Enough with the roman numerals. Besides, you only had sacky 2 for like 2 seconds.
Ron: Have you a heart of stone woman?
Kim: Right… so, new subject. How do you plan to break the news to Yori that we’re a thing now?
Ron: Thing… you mean a couple?
Kim: I I.
Ron: I’m sure that she’s gotten over me, I mean to the degree any girl can. Uh, full discloser, got it.
Yori: It is a great relief to see you Stoppable-san.
Ron: Always good to see you Yori. I mean, we can see each other as long as it is clear that we are not seeing each other.
Yori: I don’t know what that means. But I am still glad you are here. Lord Monkey Fist and his monkey ninjas struck again last night.
Ron: Yea, um why does Monkey Fist always have to use monkey ninjas? Bunny ninjas would be a nice change of pace. Whaei!
Kim: So this is a real mission?
Yori: Same Stoppable-san, with his inappropriate clownistry.
Kim: He-he, yea.
Yori: A scroll containing a prophecy of a powerful mystic weapon was in this place, only Sensei knows the weapon’s secrets and location. But he is away and cannot be reached. If Monkey Fist gains the weapon.
Kim: Don’t worry Yori, we’ll have your scroll out of that monkey’s fists in no time.
Monkey Fist: Cryptic, and encrypted. The nature of the weapon is uncertain. But the scroll’s first section directs us here. To the yellow shrine of Napata. Follow me. There, the first key to the secrets of the weapon. Get it! Must I do everything myself? Excellent, the location of the second key. And a clue to the very nature of the weapon.
Kim: Really? You could use a clue.
Monkey Fist: Oh look, the cheer squad.
Yori: Stoppable-san, we must get that key.
Ron: Don’t worry Yori, you can count on me.
Kim: She can count on you Ron, but not for everything, right?
Yori: What are you saying?
Kim: Ron, maybe you should tell Yori the big news?
Ron: What? Oh you mean the intruder.
Kim: Not that news.
Ron: Oh right, ok sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. So, see, I got this new assignment in health class…
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Okay! Okay. Yori, the thing is, Kim and I are not just friends anymore. We’re kind of well, dating.
Yori: I see.
Ron: Totally didn’t mean to break your heart or anything.
Yori: I believe my heart is intact.
Ron: It is? Does everyone have a heart of stone these days?
Yori: Sensei teaches that change is a part of life, and leads to growth, wisdom and happiness.
Ron: Yea who doesn’t love change but, you can admit to a little emotion sickness if want.
Kim: Ron, she said she’s ok with it.
Monkey Fist: So the drama. I’d love to stay and see who winds up with whom, but I really have to run. Ta-ta.
Yori: This is unfortunate.
Kim: Morning Mom.
Mrs. Dr. P: Kimmie, have you seen the pancake mix?
Kim: You’re making pancakes?
Mrs. Dr. P: I’m felling retro today. Eh, guess I’ll just have to start from scratch.
Kim: Wow that is retro.
Ron: Morning Mrs. D. P.
Mrs. Dr. P: Making pancakes Ron.
Ron: Cool, retro.
Kim: How’d you ever convince Barkin to give you a third chance?
Ron: I’m not a proud man Kim. But listen, mucho serious development.
Kim: Monkey Fist?
Ron: Ah! No, the intruder. This morning the little creature spit up in my backpack! No one spit up in my backpack except Rufus, and occasionally me. So what, now there’s like 18 more years of this torture?
Kim: Ron, I don’t think she’ll still be spitting up when she’s 18.
Ron: Well, that makes one of us. Why can’t the intruder be more like sacky I I I?
Kim: You mean sacky three?
Mrs. Dr. P: Here you go kids. From scratch.
Ron: Sacky three!
Rufus: Yum!
Ron: Rufus, no! Hmm, ok, it’s ok, I think this is how sacky would have wanted it. Got any bacon?
Monkey Fist: The first clue. Achieving the weapon is your good fortune. Now what does that mean? Look out! That’s what I get for letting the monkey drive.
Ron: Looks like Wade was right, this is it.
Yori: What if Monkey Fist has already come and gone with the blue key?
Kim: One way to find out.
Monkey Fist: The scroll warns that as the yellow shrine was guarded by sand, the blue shrine is guarded by stone. So why risk myself and my monkeys when I can get team possible to find the traps for me.
Kim: We beat Monkey Fist.
Ron: Yea unless ugly here already ate him. Hey, hey! Just kidding! Just kidding, you are one handsome grotesque, no offense intended. I mean… ahh!
Monkey Fist: Now, don’t mind me, I have no intention of interrupting. Please, do carry on.
Kim: Way to go Rufus!
Ron: Uh, a lot of help here.
Kim: Be right there.
Yori: If you would please duck Stoppable-san, your head blocks the creature’s stress point.
Ron: Sorry. Thanks Yori, you’re the best.
Yori: Only the red section of the scroll remains. If Monkey Fist gains the final key, the weapon is his.
Kim: I’ll have Wade run a search for the next stop on the shrine tour. Mean time, Ron and I might as well head home.
Ron: Kim, where are you going? The attic is this way.
Kim: Come on Ron, don’t you want a little peak at the cutie?
Rufus: Ah cutie.
Ron: And play right into the intruder’s plan? Thank you no.
Kim: I’m afraid Ron isn’t coming around.
Mrs. Stoppable: Oh Ronnie just needs and little time.
Mr. Stoppable: Now get over here for a little fawning over Hanna. It’s good for the soul you know.
Ron: Oh sacky, you’re such a cutie baby, yes, you know you are don’t you.
Kim: See Ron, you make a great big brother. But you’d get more out of it if you were cuing over your sister instead of a bag of…. Hold on, there is no way Barkin would have ever given you sacky V, I mean 5.
Ron: Well, actually this is sacky VIII.
Kim: Sacky 8?! Just how many sackies are there? Ron!
Ron: But, but I won’t need any of them honest. Sacky VIII is gunna be perfectly safe in these hands.
Mr. Stoppable: Ronald, did you see the new ceiling fan I put in?
Ron: Sacky 8, we hardly knew ye.
Monkey Fist: The second clue, loving the weapon makes it unstoppable, excellent I love it already. Look out! That is what I get for letting the monkey drive my new boat.
Ron: Come to papa sacky X.
Kim: Number 10? You know you’re gunna get so busted for this right?
Ron No bustage, I made sure to get the exact same brand of flower down to the expiration date. What Barkin doesn’t know ext, ext.
Kim: Who knew my BF had such an avaricious streak?
Mrs. Stoppable: I think you meant such the responsible streak didn’t you Kimmie?
Kim: Uh, yea… sure.
Mr. Stoppable: Great! Because our Ron Sponsible is recruited for baby sitter duty.
Ron: What? Wait! NO!
Mrs. Stoppable: Don’t worry Ronnie, if you get into a pickle I left a parenting book in the kitchen.
Mr. Stoppable: What to expect when you’re panicking.
Ron: They cannot be leaving me alone with the intruder! This is not cool!
Kim: You’re not alone, I’m… just a sec.
Wade: Hey Kim, got the location of the final shrine.
Ron: Oh great, I-I’ll meet Yori there and Kim can baby sit.
Kim: You and Yori? Um, no.
Ron: Well Rufus, I guess it’s just you and me and sacky X of course. I can’t believe I have to miss the mission because of you. Yea, yuck it up intruder, but you won’t be laughing after sacky proves her superiority in the first annual ultimate infant championship. Event number one: world’s quietest baby. And the winner is… sacky XI. Event number two: world’s most motionless baby.
Rufus: Uh-oh, rigged.
Ron: And the winner is sacky XII. Event number three: World’s least violent baby. And the winner is… hey you sure are a giggler aren’t ya? Yea, well, even evil can be cute sometimes.
Yori: Where is Stoppable-san?
Kim: My boyfriend? I mean… Ron’s baby sitting his sister.
Yori: Then it is how you say, girls night out?
Kim: Something like that, sure.
Yori: This time we must not become a pawn of the monkey man.
Monkey Fist: How disappointing. It’s just no fun when the good guys don’t play along. So I guess I’ll simply have to make you play. As the blue shrine was guarded by stone, the red shrine is guarded by lava. Ooo, sounds dangerous. Ladies first.
Kim: Always the gentleman.
Monkey Fist: You just worry about springing the traps so I can safely secure the red key.
And with it, finally reveal the true nature of the secret weapon!
Ron: Ok, bath time worst case complications. Uh, mock me at your own peril intruder, and you know that adoring gaze is not going to change my mind. Ow! Ow! Wow, some grip you got there. You know why are people always impressed by babies’ grips anyway? You know it’s not like you do anything useful with it. Ha-ha so cute. In a wicked kind of way.
Wade: Ron! Ron!
Ron: Wade?
Wade: I think Kim’s in trouble, her kimmunicator called in, but all I got was this.
monkey noise
Ron: Monkey Fist.
Wade: Exactly. I know you’re on baby sitter patrol, but…
Ron: But it’s time this kid finds out what its means to be Ron Stoppable’s sister.
Rufus: Yea!
Ron: Come on Rufus, intruder, let’s go. Oh you too sacky XXIII.
Rufus: 22?!
Ron: Don’t ask!
Kim: Since we’re stuck in here, we might as well try to get the red key.
Yori: The shrine safe guard will attempt to bar our way.
Kim: Then we’ll have to be smarter than both the shrine and monkey boy.
Yori: Together then. One…
Kim: Two…
Kim and Yori: Three.
Yori: Hmm, this is a mild setback.
Kim: Calm in the face of danger much?
Yori: Very much like you Kim Possible.
Kim: Uh, this is so complicated.
Monkey Fist: Oh, I’m quite relieved that they went in first.
Ron: You won’t be! Not after you face the wrath of Ron Stoppable, Rufus and sacky XXXVIII.
Rufus: 38!
Monkey Fist: I don’t know what that means.
Ron: Follow the Gish monkey man.
Monkey Fist: What kind of hero brings a baby on a mission?
Ron: A baby and a bag of flower!
Monkey Fist: Ah, yes, that explains everything. Get him, get the rat, get the baby! Throw them all into the volcano.
Kim: So Yori, are you really ok with Ron being off the market?
Yori: Off the… market?
Kim: You know… mine?
Yori: I believe Stoppable-san is your destiny Kim Possible, like change we must always welcome destiny.
Kim: Yori, you sort of kinda rock.
Yori: Domo.
Ron: Never threaten Ron Stoppable’s sister! Heh, sister.
Monkey Fist: Oh well played. You’ve dispatched the lackeys, but I think you’ll find their master more of a challenge. Once I have the weapon, the entire world will fall to my power. As the clue says, achieving the weapon is your good fortune.
Ron: Well, that was lucky.
Monkey Fist: My love for power will bring me invincibility, for loving the weapon makes it unstoppable.
Ron: Hey!
Monkey Fist: Uh-oh.
Ron: Owned.
Kim: Wow Ron, nice baby sitting.
Ron: No body talks trash to my baby sister!
Kim: Nobody?
Ron: Uh, yea, well, maybe I’ve been a little… I’m sorry about that Hanna.
Kim: Her real name? No more “little intruder”?
Ron: Inrwooder? Who would ever consider you an intwooder?
Yori: The scroll will be returned to the Yamanuci School, its secrets will remain safe.
Ron: I guess you’ll want the keys back too?
Yori: No, the shrines have been compromised. And I cannot think of a safer place to keep them than with Stoppable-san.
Ron: Responsibility, it’s my bag. Oh, some things just aren’t meant to be.
Jim: Trouble with the flower child?
Ron: Keep it down ok?
Tim: We heard you bought up all the flower at Smarty Mart.
Ron: Shh! Sacky MCMXXXIIII and I are just fine, well Mr. Barkin, the week’s up and here’s sacky, safe and sound.
Barkin: F minus.
Ron: What?! But she’s in perfect shape!
Barkin: She’s sugar!
Mr. Stoppable: We just want to thank you and the adoption agency for helping us find Hanna.
Mrs. Stoppable: She’s already brought such joy to our lives.
Mr. Stoppable: And Ronald has really taken to her.
Mrs. Stoppable: He’s turned out to be a fantastic big brother.
Sensei: I was sure young Stoppable-san would rise to the occasion, he has much to teach her. And she has much to show him as well. Much to show the world.
Ron: Who’s a boo-ba-bo-ba-do? Babies are just so cool, they just change your life.
Girl: Yea, that’s for sure. Isn’t that so? Who’s loves his mommy huh? Who loves his mommy?! Who’s a… who’s a…
Ron: Let’s just go over to the slid now.



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