Vir-Tu-Ron

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By wallaceb
Knight: Ethelred's high manor. Right on! I shall claim this manor as my own. Total score. Tis dark magic most foul.
Wraithmaster: I am the Wraithmaster. And you? You are my prisoner. Spread the word, the Wraithmaster is destined to rule Everlot.
Knight: No way, dude. A champion will come. And you will be defeated.
Wraithmaster: Who could be so powerful?
Rufus: Hey?
Ron: Oh, yeah?
Monique: I thought you said you had dinner with the family tonight.
Kim: I do. Thus the pre-dinner dinner is crucial.
Monique: Say what?
Kim: My dad's bringing home experimental astronaut food.
Monique: Oh, that's nasty.
Kim: Oh, yeah. But this time, I'm wearing safety goggles.
Ron: It is time.
Monique: What's with Ron?
Kim: Zita Flores.
Ron: Time for my next move.
Monique: Ron, what move? You and Zita are in the game.
Ron: We gotta take it to the next level.
Kim: Really? What ya gonna do?
Ron: Just be my totally excellent self. Oh, yeah.
Girl: So who is this Wraithmaster guy?
Jake: No one knows, but he's sticking up Everlot.
Ron: Everlot? Online... sword and sorcery... game. Right on, I'm all about the virtual worlds!
Zita: At least, you got to see some action. I'm trapped in the Magnosian Thorn Bog.
Girl: How can you be trapped? You're a she-warrior, of the ice mountain.
Jake: And you've got the Sword of Elsinor.
Zita: I know, I'd slam the Wraithmaster, if I could just get out of the bog.
Malcolm: Is that a damsel in distress?
All: Malcolm.
Zita: Oh, hey. Have you been zapped by Wraithmaster yet?
Malcolm: I have not, but what a player. Some say the best ever.
Jake: He's creep just out to ruin everybody's game.
Malcolm: Perhaps, Jake, or perhaps he is destined to rule Everlot. They say he is both a mighty warrior and a powerful sorcerer.
Ron: Zita's a she-thing from whatever with the sword of whosy whats it, she could take on the Wraithsist.
Malcolm: Wraithmaster.
Ron: Is that what she's calling herself now?
Zita: If I just had that aspen wand of New Forest...
Ron: Which is so much better than the aspen wand of Old Forest.
Zita: You actually have one?
Ron: Well, you know, virtually speaking.
Zita: That rocks! You can meet me on the bog tonight.
Ron: Yes, I could. I can meet you in the bog with my... what was that again?
Malcolm: Do you even play Everlot?
Ron: I dabble.
Kim: How's the game?
Ron: Ferociously tough. How was the astronaut food?
Kim: Same. I thought you were the king of video games.
Ron: When it's blasting something or racing something. Everlot is like this whole complicated world.
Kim: Which Rufus is in.
Ron: Thanks buddy. I'll take it from here. Buckle up, Everlot! Ron Stoppable has arrived.
Kim: Peasant chic. Stylee.
Ron: I'm a knave. It's where you start. I just need some magic stuff. You see that chest? Watch.
Ron: Just a glitch.
Wade: Hey, Kim. What's up?
Kim: Know anything about Everlot?
Wade: Currently the fastest-growing online multi-player game around! Uses a fuzzy-logic, hierarchy-modeled after...
Kim: Nerd alert! Let's try that again. Do you know how to play it?
Wade: Affirmative.
Kim: Ron said he'd meet Zita in Everlot but he's having trouble... surviving.
Wade: Don't open it, trade it with dwarf.
Ron: For the fireball?
Wade: No, he's got a watering can! That, my friend, is the aspen power wand of New Forest.
Ron: Boo-yah! Hmm? hmm. Whoa! Oof! Hey, Z!
Zita: Hey!
Ron: Wait, what do I do now?
Wade: Cross the sword of Elsinor with the aspen power wand of...
Ron: ...New Forrest, and say the magic words.
Zita: And what are the magic words?
Ron: Treguna macoides!
Zita: We did it!
Ron: Coolio.
Zita: The Wraithmaster.
Ron: Sorry, dude. Gotta go.
Wraithmaster: Wait. How did you escape?
Ron: Maybe I haven't heard, but Zita and me, we're sort of a team.
Wraithmaster: Knave, you'll pay for your impudence!
Ron: Wait! Wait! Wade!
Wade: Hit the ground with the power wand, saying, "bog open"!
Ron: Bog open! Open, open, open!
Wraithmaster: Noooo!
Ron: Wraithmaster, no big.
Zita: A knave can't do that.
Ron: I'm no ordinary knave.
Wraithmaster: Thou shalt pay for thy treachery, knave!
Zita: So tonight meet me in the Glade of Destiny?
Ron: Or, you know, I know of this quaint little cafe.
Zita: In Everlot?
Ron: In reality.
Zita: Bueno Nacho?
Ron: A-boo-yah!
Zita: Hi, Malcolm.
Ron: Dude.
Malcolm: Knave...
Ron: That's cool when it's just us guys but, you know, clean up your act, we?re entertaining a lady!
Kim: Hey, you don't tell him to cut that out the gross stuff when I'm around.
Ron: What's your point?
Kim: Never mind.
Mr. Dr P: Ronald! Look! We got little sombreros!
Kim: I'll never complain about space food again. Save me, please!
Ron: Can't, meeting Zita.
Kim: Excellent. For you.
Mr. Dr P: Check it out! They grande-sized our beans.
Jim: We're gonna make bean launchers.
Tim: Out of sporks and bendy straws.
Tweebs: Hoosha!
Ron: Zita!
Zita: Ron, I just got a text page. There's this Everlot thing downtown. All the local power players are gonna be there.
Ron: Really? Yeah? Power players? Hey, what are we waiting for?
Zita: You can learn a ton of things from other players. Well, not you. You already rock.
Ron: I don't know if I go so far, you know... rock!
Ron: Who sent you this page?
Zita: Yeah, this is freaky.
Ron: Good thing nobody else showed up. There's only two chairs.
Zita: Er, what's that sound?
Ron: NG.
Zita: What's NG?
Ron: Not good.
Zita: Hey! Stop it!
Ron: Hey, let go of...me.
Zita: What happened?
Ron: Let's see, we were downtown...
Zita: Not any more. We're in Everlot.
Wraithmaster: Welcome to the game. Fair Zita, she-warrior of the ice mountain! Be my
queen. We'll rule Everlot together.
Ron: There you go. I hope you two'll be happy together.
Zita: Very funny.
Ron: Sure, yeah. I'm? I'm a funny, funny knave.
Zita: Zephyrus escape!
Wraithmaster: Curses!
Kim: Wade, we've got a problem.
Wade: Kim, you must be psychic. I was just going to call. We got a hit on the site.
Kim: Tell him to take a number, something happen to Ron.
Wade: How do you know?
Kim: Rufus told me.
Kim: At least I think that's what he's saying.
Wade: OK, I'll call back that guy at Everlot Inc.
Kim: Everlot Inc? Wait, isn't that...
Wade: I think Rufus sees a connection.
Kim: Apparently.
Nevius: The missing project was next generation gaming technology, a way to plug the five senses directly into the game world.
Kim: Ouch.
Nevius: Not literally. The player would just wear what we call... an immersion cap. Slip it on, and zap! You're in Everlot!
Kim: So it's like virtual reality?
Nevius: More like actual reality, really. It's not quite as real as reality but we're really, really close.
Kim: Really?
Nevius: We'd be shipping them worldwide, if it weren't for the... problems.
Kim: What kind of problems?
Nevius: Well, it seems that once you're in the game, you can't get out till you win.
Kim: Can't you slip the cap off?
Nevius: We tried that with him.
Kim: The little guy looks fine. OK. Thanks, Mr. Nevius. ...Nevius. Any relation to
Malcolm Nevius?
Nevius: My son, and Everlot's number one fan.
Kim: Wade? I know where to find Ron. OK, Wade. Ready?
Wade: Ready. See you in cyberspace!
Kim: Well, here we go. Wade? You're a giant!
Wade: Actually, I'm normal size.
Kim: Oh, great.
Wade: You're a spritekin. You gotta start small.
Kim: Stupid game.
Ron: Wraith boy is taking prisoners.
Zita: What's his damage?
Ron: I think he's trying to impress you.
Zita: By being good at Everlot? Like I'm that shallow? It's just a game. Can you imagine?
Ron: No, I can't. Hey, Zita?
Zita: Come on, we gotta free the other players.
Ron: Are all girls like this, or just the ones I know?
Jake: Finally. Tell me you're going to get us out of here.
Zita: Jake? Is that you?
Jake: What's with you guys be in normal clothes?
Ron: Don't know. Would like to know. Don't.
Zita: Let me guess, the Wraithmaster captured you.
Jake: He won't let us out to relinquish our power.
Boy: I'm not worried. We're gonna be saved by the Tunnel Lord.
Ron: Tunnel Lord?
Zita: I thought he was just a legend.
Jake: He might as well be. That dude hasn't logged on for like forever.
Boy: He'll show. He'll save us.
Zita: Better idea. We'll save you.
Ron: It's locked. Maybe I can pick it. Do you have a bobby pin?
Zita: I don't know. Let me ask my grandmother.
Wraithmaster: Looking for this?
Ron: You gotta get that thing checked.
Zita: Fenestra dimensia!
Wraithmaster: What? You are powerful. You would make a most fitting queen.
Zita: I will be queen when I vanquish you.
Wraithmaster: Enough!
Ron: You should really stop doing that; this guy's a total... Malcolm.
Zita: Malcolm?
Wraithmaster: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ron: OK, well, now that I know it's him, I've got an idea.
Zita: What?
Ron: Run!
Ron and Zita: Whoa!
Ron: The bugs in Everlot are really annoying.
Kim: Ron!
Ron: What?
Zita: What what?
Ron: You said Ron.
Zita: No, I didn't
Ron: KP? You're a...
Zita: A spritekin.
Ron: Ah, that's so cute.
Kim: Watch it, knave.
Wade: There you are.
Ron: Yo! Cyber Wade!
Wade: Hey, Ron.
Ron: So, guys, here's the deal. Zita and I are trapped in a warehouse downtown wearing some kind of...
Kim: Immersion caps.
Ron: OK, let's call them "immersion caps". Just get them off us and get us out of this game!
Kim: We can't, Ron. The systems whacked.
Ron: It is a game, right? I mean bytes and bits. I mean, if I don't wanna be here, I can just leave.
Wade: The only way out is to win the game.
Ron: And if we lose?
Kim: So, the weather here, it's nice.
Zita: So we win! You're the Everlot master. Feel up to it?
Ron: Bring it on!
Malcolm: Zita? Hi! What's going on? Me? Oh, nothing, really. You know, just hanging out, being Omni powerful.
Jake: What a loser.
Boy: It's the Tunnel Lord. He's here!
All: It's...just them.
Wade: You guys are popular.
Malcolm: Huh? Ready to give up?
Kim: I was about to ask you the same question!
Malcolm: Be gone, Possible!
Wade: Nice distraction, Kim.
Kim: Ow! Right... distraction.
Zita: Let's do it!
Ron and Zita: Ahhhhhh!
Malcolm: Prepare to... Ahhhh!
Wade: Quit hitting yourself with your sword. Quit hitting yourself with your sword. Uh-oh!
Malcolm: Enough!
Wade: Hey!
Malcolm: A wizard in chains and a caged spritekin. I'm invincible now.
Ron: There's something you should know. Before last night I never played Everlot.
Zita: But you had the power wand of aspen, you knew the magic words!
Ron: I had help.
Zita: What kind of help?
Ron: The cheating kind of help.
Zita: You're a neewb?!
Kim: We need an amulet, or some spelly thing.
Wade: I've tried every dungeon claim I know. We're stuck!
Kim: Rufus! I know you wanna help, but we know what we're gonna do to
save them. Wade, what are we going to do to save them?
Wade: I don't know.
Jim: There's no way you can change the weather.
Tim: Yeah-huh! Bet me!
Jim: You're on.
Jim: Hey! Hikka-bikka-boo.
Tim: Hoo-sha.
Zita: Hey!
Ron: Let go of her, dude!
Malcolm: Join me, and be Queen of Everlot.
Zita: Never.
Malcolm: How about gone with me to the Spring Fling Dance?
Zita: Also a never, and in a million years
Malcolm: Too tight?
Zita: Yes.
Malcolm: Good.
**Boy: Told ya he?d come!
Jake: I can't believe it! The Tunnel Lord!
Ron: No way! Rufus?
Malcolm: Prepare to meet your doom, Tunnel Lord.
Kim: Zita! Let me out!
Zita: What are you gonna do?
Kim: Get some help.
Kim: Ron, help!
Ron: I'm on it, KP. Whoa! Ahh! Ow! Ow! Hey, KP let me get that for ya.
Kim: Thanks.
Ron: Everybody! Everybody! Look the rule say you can pass your powers to another player. That's what we have to do!
Jake: Should we give them to you?
Ron: No, no way! I'm just a neewb knave. Give 'em to a real player, give 'em to Zita.
Malcolm: Ahhhhhhhh!
Zita: Game over, Malcolm.
Malcolm: The Wraithmaster admits defeat.
Crowd: Yea!
Zita: Um, hi.
Ron: Well, the goal was to impress her.
Kim: It just turned out to be Rufus who did it.
Ron: Yeah, Rufus. Not me.
Kim: What now?
Ron: What else? Bueno Nacho in ten.
Kim: See you there. Hey, Zita! You hungry?
Zita: Yeah, let's jet. Ron!?
Malcolm: Sorry about the whole trapping you in cyber-reality.
Ron: These things happen. To me.
Malcolm: I was gonna be the Supreme Overlord of this magical realm. Now what do I do?
Ron: Hey, try out for the drama club?
Malcolm: Drama club?
Ron: You've already got the shirts.
Malcolm: You're so right, I do have the shirts! Thanks, knave.
Zita: Ron! Are you coming out or what?
Ron: In a minute. Boo-yah!