Two to Tutor

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By wallaceb
Kim: Thanks for the ride, Colonel Dmitri. This is our stop.
Ron: Er, for once can't we just land like, taxi to a gate or something?
Rufus: Oh, please! Wuh!
Kim: I hope we're not too late.
Ron: Ahhhh!
Monique: Kim, where have you been?
Kim: Ruthless dictator. Don't ask.
Monique: Registration for electives started, like, forever ago!
Kim: Tell me there are still spots in photography class.
Monique: Girl, they're fillin' up fast.
Ron: Hey, guys! Hello! A little help up here!
Kim: Come on, come on, photography.
Ron: Kim, Kim, Kim. You need a backup and a backup for your backup. See, photography is my third choice. So even if kick boxing and interpretive dance are full, I'm still golden.
Bonnie: Congratulate me, Kim. I got the very last spot in photography.
Kim: Photography is full?
Bonnie: It is now. I would have preferred interpretive dance or kick boxing, but they were already closed.
Kim: Well, then, what's left?
Kim: Home economics?! They can't be serious.
Ron: Financial planning? Never been one of my strong suit.
Kim: It's worse than that, Ron. It's cooking.
SSS: The disappointment I feel in you is immeasurable Jr. However, I will be the first to admit, that it is not your fault.
SSJ: It is not?
SSS: There are no bad students, only bad teachers. If you have failed to become a competent super villain... it's because I have failed to reach you.
SSJ: Fine. I do not hold a grudge.
SSS: To remedy this, I have secured the services of a qualified tutor.
SSJ: A tutor? You mean like the nice lady you hired to do all my homework in grades K through 12?
SSS: No, my son! No, not like Miss Bunny. A tutor in villainy.
SSJ: Could you move? You are blocking my sun.
Shego: Ya! Lesson one, eyes wide, especially to people who can hurt you.
Kim: Home eck? I can't believe we got stuck with such a lame elective.
Ron: Yeah. Hey, I wonder if we get to eat what we make!
Kim: Where is everybody?
Ron: We are everybody.
Rufus: Hmm. Huh? Eww!
Barkin: Listen up, people. The regular home eck teacher retired six years ago. Nobody noticed until this morning. So I'll be covering this class. Er... where is the class?
Kim and Ron: Present.
Barkin: Oh! Alright, take your dusty and filth-covered seats please.
Shego: Let's get started. The first thing that every good villain needs is...
SSJ: Hey, I was listening to that!
Shego: Yeah, and now you're listening to me! Now, the first thing that every villain needs is...?
SSJ: I know this one. An evil laugh.
Shego: Oh, for cryin' out...! Your old man has totally warped your mind. Try again.
SSJ: Er, a villainous calling card? A robust tan? Spinning tops of doom? Are you going to slash something again, aren't you?
Shego: The first thing that every villain needs is the basic tools of the trade. Now follow me. We're going on a little field trip.
Barkin: Right, the first thing every chef needs is the basic tools of the trade. Your helmet and shovel.
Ron: Er, Mr. B, question.
Barkin: If you must, Stoppable.
Ron: Er, would you mind...? Can I ask you where you, you know, um, learned to cook?
Barkin: It was 30 clicks southeast of Hia-lai.
Soldier: Lieutenant Barkin, when do we chow?
Barkin: As soon as I catch something, sir. Huh! How else would you learn the slop jockey's art?
Ron: Yeah, well, when I was eight, my mom got me a Granny Crocket Quickie-Bake Mixer and Oven set.
Barkin: Really?
Ron: yea, you know I don't mean to brag but my camel turtle brownies was a real hit amongst all my friends.
Barkin: Alright, Granny's boy... let's see what you can do.
Kim: Huh?!
Rufus: Mmm! Yummy!
Barkin: Mmm! Impressive, Stoppable. Possible, let's get cookin'!
Kim: No big. Hmm? Oops! Oh! Aaagh! Oof! Oof Oof!
SSJ: Could we not just buy these items?
Shego: N-n-no. Criminals don't buy anything. Besides, this gives you something money can't buy... experience.
Kim: Let's see, there's mix, blend, beat, cream, knead, churn. Oh, here, whip ought to do it. Whoopsie!
Barkin: Maybe a more competent student can tell you what you're doing wrong. Stoppable.
Ron: Be glad to, Mr. B.
Ron: Someone can disarm a doomsday device; you seem to have major mixer issues.
Kim: Ron, this machine hates me.
Ron: It senses your fear. Watch me. Let the beating of the blades and the beating of your heart merge together. You and the mixer become one. Now you try, and tell me what you feel.
Kim: I... feel... ridiculous!
Ron: That, Kim... is why you fail.
Kim: Take me... with you.
Barkin: It's like a chocolate cloud.
Ron: Yes, I was going for cloud!
Barkin: Well that settles it. I am officially turning this class over to you.
Ron and Rufus: A-boo-yah!
Kim: Wade, code red. Ron is now teaching our class. Tell me somebody somewhere needs my help!
Wade: Actually, it's been pretty quiet.
Kim: Come on. A cat stuck in a tree ...anything!
Wade: I've got a series of robberies in Europe, but it looks strictly small-time.
Kim: Sold! I'll take it, as long as it doesn't involve baking.
Man#1: I don't understand it; all they took was two pair of infrared goggles.
Man#2: Two coils of climbing rope.
Man#3: Two grappling hooks.
Woman: Two parachutes!
Francois: All of it, every last jar! Oh, my pauvre Le Goop!
Ron: Le Goop? Hmm, a clue.
Francois: I caught a glimpse of them. There was a boy, tall handsome, but a few crepes short of a suzette.
Kim: Let me guess, he was with an older gentleman, strong family resemblance?
Francois: Mais non! A young lady. She had the glowing green hands.
Ron: Shego and Junior? Together?!
Shego: Mm-hmm. Mh-hmm. OK, hair care was not on the list.
SSJ: I have the cowlick issues.
Shego: Yeah, fine. Whatever.
Shego: OK, you're ready for the next and most important step. Every villain needs an evil plot. Take Drakken. His plot, yeah, always taking over the world. Always.
SSJ: Oooh, can we do that?!
Shego: No, you gotta walk before you can run, sport. Let's start small.
SSJ: Oh! How about more thieving?
Shego: Good answer. It would have to be something valuable and heavily guarded. Let's see. Almost got something. Hold on. No, no. Don't say a word. It's on the tip of my tongue. I got it.
SSS: Hello! I thought I'd see how you kids are doing.
Shego: I lost it.
SSJ: Oh, Father!
SSS: If I've come at a bad time...
Shego: Well, yeah. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you know what? Thanks for stoppin' by!
SSJ: Maybe we just run the web search for "really valuable" and "heavily guarded".
Shego: O...K.
SSJ: I am learning from the best.
Both: Ah-hm. Ah-hm. Ah-haaah!
Shego: Yes! Sweet!
Kim: Um, isn't it lunchtime?
Lunch lady: Yep.
Kim: OK, where is everybody?
Lunch lady: The home-eck room. I got a 12:45 reservation myself. Oh, gotta run!
Kim: Reservation? Excuse me! Excuse me. Can I get through here?! Some of us
actually take this class? Rufus?
Rufus: Hmm. How many?
Kim: Huh?
Ron: I call it The Seven Layers of Heaven.
Kim: Mr. Barkin, what's going on here?
Barkin: World-class dining, that's what.
Kim: Um, but the... cafeteria, it's totally empty right now.
Barkin: Good point. I guess it would make more sense if I just put Chef Ro-nald here in charge of food services for the whole school.
Kim: Chef Ro-nald? This is so wrong.
Barkin: Now, don't worry, Possible, you'll get class credit by assisting him. Somebody's gotta do the dishes.
Kim: Not likely!
Barkin: I guess you're right, Possible.
Kim: Thank you.
Barkin: Not without your hairnet. Here.
Kim: Ugh!
SSJ: Huh! Ugh! Huh!
Shego: Ugh! Yaah!
SSS: Ah, did I not warn you that he would be a difficult pupil?
Shego: Actually, he's a pretty good listener once you get his attention.
SSS: Junior? My son? He's certainly never listened to...
Shego: Love to chat, can't. Kinda busy here, pop.
SSS: Ah, very well.
Ron: Now time for a little cinnamon, and you all know what that means... boo-yah!
**All: Boo-yah! Boo-yah! Boo-yah!
Kim: We're out of the lamb might I recommend the stroganoff.
Bonie: Guess what, Kim. You're gonna be my final project for photography. It's a photo essay I call Fashion Never Evers.
Kim: Hey, Wade. What's the deal on Shego and Junior?
Wade: What's the deal on your hair?
Kim: Nothing! Shego, Junior?
Wade: OK. I just found something that might interest you. I'll fax it.
Kim: Cool. Thanks Wade.
Rufus: Huh?!
Shego: Pretty good time... for a wounded tortoise.
SSS: Junior, how about you and I work on our evil laughs together, huh? Just like we used to?
SSJ: Oh, Father, please! Can't you see I'm a wounded porpoise?
Shego: Yea, no, I said tortoise. T. T. Tortoise.
SSJ: See, Father, how mixed up you make me?!
Ron: Let's see. For tomorrow I'm feeling... chickeny.
Kim: Villain's Digest. Bad guys have their own magazine?
Wade: Complete with want ads, including one placed by Senor Senior Senior.
Kim: Tutor wanted. Excellent pay. Meals included.
Ron: I bet my meals are better.
Kim: Hey, focus, Ron! "Tutor wanted", get it? That explains which Shego is doing with Junior.
Ron: Hey! She's tutoring him, just like I'm tutoring you in home-eck!
Kim: Yeah, great. So, now we just have to figure out what she's tutoring him for.
Rufus: Huh?!
Shego: Yah! Ugh! Not bad.
SSS: Hello. I thought I'd look...
Shego: That was... perfect, Junior! You're ready for the real deal.
Kim: The Seniors are all about the challenge; they only go for stuff that's really valuable and heavily-guarded.
Ron: You know, we could just run a web search on the words "really valuable" and "heavily-guarded".
Kim: Ron, we're talking a devious criminal mind here. It's not as simple as...
Wade: Got it! Great idea, Ron.
Ron: I can cook, too.
Kim: So the most heavily-guarded thing in the world... is a cookie recipe?
Ron: Kim, this isn't just any recipe! Granny Crocket took the humble chocolate-chip cookie and raised it to an art form!
Kim: Amp down, Ron, I can hear your stomach growling.
Ron: Not... my? stomach.
Rufus: Uh-oh-uh-oh!
Texan: This here's private property y'all standin' on.
Kim: Yeah. Hi. My name is Kim Possible. I have reason to believe your cookie recipe is in danger.
Granny: Y'all can relax, darlin'. We know all about it.
Texan: Well, hey, Granny!
Kim: Granny Crocket?
Ron: No?! You look too young to be Granny Crocket.
Granny: Well, Granny had a little work done. We received this anonymous video this mornin'.
SSS: This message is to warn you that two thieves will be attempting to steal your chocolate-chip recipe.
SSJ: Father, what are you doing in the dark?
SSS: Junior, no! The lights!
Texan: Oh, Yankees!
Kim: Actually, they have their own European island.
Texan: They ain't from Texas, that's all I know.
Granny: Bring 'em on. We're ready. My competitors would do anything to get their paws on my recipe.
Texan: This vault is two foot of titanium-reinforced concrete. Even if they could get in, we got a little surprise for 'em.
Rufus: Huh?!
Texan: Hold up, little varmint!
Kim: Infrared beams. Back up, Rufus.
Granny: So you see, kids, my recipe is as heavily guarded as can be.
Texan: As much as we all appreciate all y'all's concern, we're just fine on our own, little missy!
Kim: He did not just call me "little missy".
Ron: Free samples, Kim. Life is good.
Kim: Wade, pull up everything you can on Granny Crocket's security systems.
Wade: Done and done. What's your plan?
Kim: Little missy's gonna get to that cookie recipe before Shego and Junior do.
Shego: Good, right on schedule.
Guard: Hold it, right there!
Shego: OK. we've practiced this. Just a gentle toss. Perfect! Now the hounds.
SSJ: You'd think they'd be wise to the steak trick.
Shego: Yeah, they're just dumb animals.
SSJ: Unlike us. Yes!
Shego: Not bad!
SSJ: I learned from the best.
Shego: Oh! Well, that's so sweet! Yah! OK, S-S-J, you've got exactly two minutes, starting now. Agh!
SSJ: I've got it!
Shego: A-plus. Let's bolt!
SSJ: This is a very strange secret recipe.
Shego: What?!
SSJ: "You are so busted." Shouldn't there be some mention of flour or eggs?
Shego: Let me see that! This isn't...!
Kim: The recipe? Rufus, go!
Rufus: Ugh! Ta-da!
SSJ: And everything was going so well.
Ron: That's a cool outfit, guy.
SSJ: You think so? I fear it makes me look beefy in the booty, if you know what I mean?
Ron: I do and it doesn't.
SSJ: You are too kind. Now I must attack!
Ron: Oof! OK, Junior's got some new moves. Maybe I've got some new moves too.
SSJ: Really?
Rufus: Really!
Ron: Wazzo! Waaah! Wazza! Ayo!
SSJ: Those are the same old moves.
Shego: Yah!
Kim: Ahhhhh! Oh!
Shego: You know, I've discovered the joys of teaching. It's very satisfying.
Ron: Wazza! Wazzo!
Ron: Ah! Ooh, smell that? Vanilla.
Rufus: Mmm, 'nilla.
Ron: Oof! Ahhh!
SSJ: Nowhere to run, Ron Stoppable. Let me show you some other thing I have learned.
SSJ: Aagh!
Rufus: Wah-hah!
Ron: Don't forget the sprinkles!
Shego: Huh, 14 settings to choose from. How does whipped Possible sound to you? Ooh, or maybe minced Possible?
Kim: 14 settings?
Shego: You know what? A Kimmie frappe sounds just right.
Kim: Agh!
Shego: Have a nice spin!
Ron: Kim, do not fear the mixer. Let the beating of the blades and the beating of your heart merge together. You and the mixer become one.
Shego: Agh! Oof!
Kim: Junior isn't the only one who's been tutored. Ironic, no?
Ron: You know what? They belong together.
Kim: Hah! In jail.
SSJ: So do I pass or fail?
SSS: You both fail. Young lady, we will no longer be in need of your services.
Shego: Have your way, Pops. I've already made other arrangements.
SSJ: You changed my life. I will never forget you!
SSS: And now, my son, we will return home and polish our evil laughs together, huh? That'll be nice, huh?
Kim: Too bad about your restaurant.
Ron: Yeah. Well, when the health inspector saw a live rodent, you know, "serving" the food, the die was cast.
Rufus: Sorry.
Kim: Bright side I hear that, like, half the student buddy wants to get into home-eck now.
Ron: And photography's wide open. You could jump ship.
Kim: Nah. I think I'm gonna stick it out here.
Ron: Hey, not too shabby, KP! I'm seeing major improvement.
Kim: No big. I've got a great tutor.