The Truth Hurts

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By wallaceb
Mr. Dr P: Don't forget to be home early. I'm having the entire board of directors from the lab over for dinner, remember?
Kim: Don't worry, Dad. It has top priority on my schedge.
Mrs. Dr P: Honey, are these the same board members you're always complaining about?
Mr. Dr P: I don't always complain about them. I mean, sure, Dr. Cook is a bit of a know-it-all, and Dr. Harris's toupee looks like road kill, and if Dr. Kramer tells one
more pointless story about "the old country," help me, I'll...
Kim: Maybe you should skip the coffee today, Dad.
Mr. Dr P: Heh. Sorry, Kimmie. I'm as nervous as a porcupine in a balloon factory.
Mrs. Dr P: Hon, you're a shoe-in for the promotion.
Mr. Dr P: But we've never had the big bosses over to the house before.
Mrs. Dr P: Don't worry. We'll be on our best behavior. Right, kids?
Kim: Hey, talk to the tweebs, not me.
Tweebs: Hey, we heard that.
Ron: Hola, Possible clan. Kim, ready to hit it?
Kim: I can't believe I'm going to be on the cover of Spirit Squad Weekly. It's the cheerleading magazine. I am so freaking.
Ron: You'll be fine. My advice, just be totally and completely sincere.
Kim: Hey, that's actually good advice.
Ron: That's not something I practice myself, but I think you can pull it off.
Kim: Hey, Wade. What's the sitch?
Wade: Kim, think you can squeeze in a rescue before homeroom?
Kim: You got transportation? Never mind.
Wade: This is Dr. Wanda Wong, one of the country's top scientific leaders. Drakken captured her and took her to some kind of ice fortress.
Ron: Has he done the underwater layer yet? See, if it was me, I would have gone with underwater before ice.
Kim: Ready to eject?
Ron: Yes.
Kim: Good.
Drakken: Cold, Dr. Wong?
Wong: Why am I sitting on an ice cube?
Drakken: So you will divulge every detail of your top-secret projects, that's why.
Wong: You make no sense to me.
Shego: Welcome to my life.
Drakken: Oh, a little more gluteal discomfort and you'll be Little Miss Busy Lips.
Wong: I still don't get the ice.
Drakken: Fine, forget the ice! You leave me no choice but to use this! Who? What?!
Kim: Chillin' new lair, Drakken.
Drakken: Kim Possible!
Shego: We'll build a frozen fortress. She'll never find us there.
Drakken: Ice the sass, Shego.
Ron: Don't worry; we're the good guys, here to save you, yadda, yadda.
Shego: I'm going to whip you in technical merit and artistic impression.
Kim: Bring it.
Drakken: Whoa!
Ron: Whew!
Drakken: What's she doing? Trying to make us dizzy?
Shego: No, worse.
Reporter: Whoo! That's going to be a great cover shot, Kim. Now, I just need to ask you a couple of questions for the article. Now, I understand in addition to cheering and
being on the honor roll, somebody also saves the world from time to time, hmm?
Kim: Oh, you know. No big.
Reporter: Well, I know our readers are going to want to know this. Do you have time for a personal life?
Kim: Oh, I make time.
Reporter: I'll bet you're crushing on someone right now. Give us a hint.
Kim: His name is Bobby Johnson. Just moved here from Upperton, but I'm not sure if I like him because I like him or because he asked out Bonnie first.
Bonnie: I knew it!
Reporter: Well, that's some hint! Any cool hobbies?
Kim: Oh, nothing special. I collect cuddle buddies. I love them. I can't get to sleep without my pandaroo.
Reporter: Cuddle buddies? Yeah... Kim, I have to be honest with you. We like our cover girls to be, ooh, how shall I put this? Um... trend-forward. There must be some other
activity that you do regularly.
Kim: I pick my nose when nobody's looking
Reporter: Anyone else want to be on the cover?
Girls: Ooh-ooh! I do, I do! Me.
Kim: Okay, Kim, just tell yourself a big, fat lie. You can do it. The color of my hair is greee... red. My name is Possible. The sky is blue. Pro-wrestling is... fake! No! Wade, something's wrong with me. I can only tell the truth and, and... You spend too much time in your room. It's just not healthy. Oh, I'm sorry.
Wade: Okay, Kim, I'll disregard that until we figure out what's up. Hold the communicator at arm's length. Scanning for weirdness.
Kim: Well?
Wade: Way weird. It looks like all of your brain inhibitors are shut down.
Kim: Meaning?
Wade: Meaning you can't lie. You can only blurt out the truth. Now let's look back at the last 24 hours.
Kim: The usual. Got up, went to school. Fought Shego. Drakken zapped me with some funky ray thing.
Wade: Whoa, whoa! What kind of ray?
Kim: Don't know. It was yellow, I think.
Wade: A truth ray.
Kim: That's got to be it. If I was hit, I'll bet Ron was hit, too. There's no telling what kind of trouble he's getting himself into.
Barkin: All right, people. I assume you all read and are prepared to discuss the classic novella, "Lo, The Plow Shall Till the Soil of Redemption."
Ron: I did not and I am not! Wait. No. What I meant to say is that I read... only the
first three pages! I almost dislocated my jaw from yawning!
Barkin: Stoppable! Explain yourself.
Ron: This book is snobby, pompous, overwritten, and the pictures were in black and white.
Girl: Excuse me, Mr. Barkin, but I agree with Ron's criticism.
Boy: Yeah. Me too. Um... I just didn't have the guts to slam your favorite book.
Class: Uh-huh. Yeah. That's right.
Barkin: That's it! I've had it with this book. I've despised "Lo, the Plow Shall Till the Soil of Redemption" ever since I had to suffer through it back in military school.
Class: Yeah! Ron! Ron! Ron! Ron! Ron! Ron!
Ron: And you know what else? I've never kissed a girl. Well, except for the CPR dummy in health class. Now, I know it's not the coolest thing to admit, but, hey, the truth sets you free.
Boy: Dude, you tell it straight up.
Kim: Ron, listen. We were both hit with a truth ray and...
Ron: No diggity. Isn't it great?
Kim: Great?
Ron: Hey, Penny. You have the most beautilicious eyes in school.
Penny: Gosh, thanks, Ron. That's so sweet. Hey, I'll see you around, OK?
Ron: I tell it like it is. Ain't no shame in my game. This rules.
Kim: What's the truth sitch, Wade?
Wade: According to my research, the effects of the truth ray should wear off in about a day.
Kim: This is so my worst nightmare.
Ron: My worst nightmare is the one where I'm in school in my underwear.
Kim: Ron, you've actually done that. I have to get home and tell Mom and Dad before his big-shot bosses get there.
Kim: Mom, Dad. I gotta talk to you before...
Mr. Dr P: Dr. Cook, Dr. Harris, Dr. Kramer. You've met the twins. This is my Kimmie-Cub.
Kim: I hate it when he calls me that.
Cook: Aren't you just the prettiest thing?
Kim: I have split ends and I'm trying to cover a mountain-size zit on my cheek that you just touched.
Mr. Dr P: Teenagers. Always playing us squares. Why don't we adjourn to the living room while we wait for the chairman of the board to arrive, hmm?
Kramer: And after churning and churning and churning, my great-great grandpapa finally made the first goat butter his village had ever seen.
Mr. Dr P: Wow. What a captivating story. Wasn't it guys?
Mrs. Dr P: Oh, very.
Jim: Cool.
Tim: Yeah.
Mrs. Dr P: Kim?
Kim: Uh-uh.
Jim: We'll get it.
Mr. Dr P: Kimmie, What is wrong with you?
Kim: I'm trying not to tell Dr. Kramer that you were right. His stories about the old country, they're pointless snore fests.
Kramer: Goat butter is not pointless. It is delicious.
Cook: Interestingly, in ancient Syria, they would use a goatskin sack.
Kim: Dad, you were right about Dr. Cook, too. He is a know-it-all.
Harris: Oh, my hair!
Kim: Don't worry. My father already spilled about your bad piece, even if he didn't, trust me, aliens could spot that thing from space.
Mr. and Mrs. Dr P: Kim!
Tim: She's funnier without the pillow.
Jim: Hoo-sha!
Kramer: That's it. Grab your coats. We are leaving this instant.
Harris: Dr. Possible, see me in my office first thing tomorrow. We need to discuss your future at the lab, or lack there of.
Kim: Wait. You can't do that. It's not my dad's fault. I got hit with a truth ray. I'm sorry.
Kramer: Ha! Truth ray.
Cook: Absurd.
Mr. Dr P: The board chairman. Now my career is completely over.
Kim: Dr. Wong?
Wong: Kim! I can't thank you enough for your help today. Thanks to you, I narrowly escaped that nasty Drakken and his truth ray.
Harris: There really was a truth ray?
Kim: I saved her. I save lots of people.
Wong: Of course you do. You were brilliant. Like daughter, like father, right doctors?
Kramer: Oh, of course.
Cook: I couldn't agree more.
Harris: It's an entire family of geniuses.
Wong: Now, let's get inside and discuss your promotion, shall we?
Ron: So everything worked out?
Kim: Totally. I apologized to the board members and, like, a zillion other people. How about you?
Ron: I'm still mourning the loss of my truth mojo.
Kim: You could just be honest on your own.
Ron: Believe me, I'm trying.
Penny: Hi, Ron.
Ron: Hey, Penny. You-you have, you have the most, the most, um, you got the most cans in the school's charity can drive. Keep up the good work, Tiger. Wait! I didn't hear any complaints from the CPR dummy.