The Full Monkey

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By wallaceb
Ron: So, it's picture day? What's the big?
Rufus: No big.
Kim: That's where you're wrong. It's the biggest. What do you think?
Ron: Seen it too much.
Rufus: Mm-hmm.
Mrs. Dr P: Kimmie, great news. Nana made you a special dress for picture day.
Kim: Um. Oh. Uh... great!
Ron: Can't wait for the big cheer-off. Tomorrow, we are going to wipe those snotty Lowerton Lemurs off the court.
Kim: You know, Bonnie's been circulating a "ban the dog" petition.
Ron: The Mad Dog cannot be caged, leashed...
Kim: Or housebroken.
Ron: That game was in triple overtime. I couldn't leave the court. I got a little excited, and, well, accidents happen.
Kim: Let's focus on my picture day issues, please.
Mrs. Dr P: Kimmie, the Nana dress is cute.
Kim: Mom, let's review.
Mrs. Dr P: That was your first day with the braces. You were still getting used to them.
Ron: I forgot about that one.
Mrs. Dr P: Slight booger problem.
Ron: Got to check for bats in the cave.
Kim: See? I have had a bad run of school pictures. This year, that changes. Hey, Wade, what's the sitch?
Wade: Monkey Fist has escaped, and he's been spotted in China.
Ron: No, no, no! Not monkeys again! Why does it always have to be monkeys? I can't stand monkeys.
Kim: Done?
Ron: Almost. Curse you, monkeys! Ahh! ...OK, I'm done.
Kim: Looks like we're going to China. The picture day problem will have to wait.
Mrs. Dr P: What problem?
Kim: Mom!
Mrs. Dr P: It would mean so much to Nana.
Kim: I'll think about it. Thanks for the ride, Professor Acari.
Acari: Oh, Kim! It's the least I could do, after you saved my cyber-genetic tick.
Kim: Oh, it was no big.
Ron: Oh except for the part where you almost blew your nose. You know, off your face.
Rufus: Yum.
Acari: I only study real insects now.
Kim: Is that why you're here in China?
Acari: Indeed. I am investigating the nutritional value of common native species. Ant soup, stir-fried beetles, roasted grubs, all quite plentiful and rich in protein.
Kim: Yum.
Ron: Oh, no, thanks. I'll stick with these tasty treats. They're great. Spicy and... and crunchy and...
Rufus: Hmm?
Ron: Oh, great Googly Moogly! What is in my mouth?!
Acari: Toasted chili peppers...
Ron: Oh, phew!
Acari: ...and mountain grasshoppers. Delicious, aren't they?
Kim: Ron? Maybe you should look before you eat.
Ron: Crunchy and spicy has never betrayed me like this before.
Acari: Here we are, Kim. Forbidden City Museum.
Ron: Year Of The Monkey?! How much monkey is one man supposed to take?
Monkey Fist: At long last! The amulet of the Monkey King.
Ron: Ahem. Just one little problem.
Kim: That doesn't belong to you.
Monkey Fist: Kim Possible. But how? The stealth of the Ninja Monkeys is legend. How did you find us?
Kim: Too many naners along the way.
Ron: Yeah. A guy could slip on one of those bad boys.
Monkey Fist: Chippy! What have I told you about on-the-job snacking?
Monkey Fist: No matter. In a moment, I will become the Monkey King of the modern era. Until then... Monkey Ninjas, attack!
Ron: Who's the higher primate now?
Monkey Fist: At last, my transformation will be complete.
Ron: Oops.
Monkey Fist: The amulet!
Kim: Oh... was this what you're after?
Monkey Fist: I was to be the Monkey King! And so I shall be!
Ron: KP, you OK?
Kim: Yeah. Hey, what happened to... Oh, man!
Ron: Kim... that is sick and wrong!
Bonnie: In the way much? The routine doesn't work if you're not on point in the final pose.
Kim: Sorry, Bonnie. I'm just a little tired... and itchy.
Bonnie: Yeah, well, a little tired isn't going to win the regional cheer-off. And as far as itchy? Ew!
Ron: Ladies, ladies... sorry I'm late, but the Mad Dog has arrived.
Bonnie: Oh, great! The slobber hound is here. Let's take a break.
Ron: OK, you girls cool off. The Ron man will be right here.
Kim: This thing is fiercely irritating.
Ron: Well, you always wanted a tattoo.
Kim: I did not.
Ron: Oh, right, that was me. And I wanted it right between my...
Kim: Ron, Too much info.
Ron: Oh, almost forgot. Your mom dropped this off for ya.
Kim: Ugh. Not the Nana dress.
Ron: Better put it on. Pictures start soon.
Kim: No, thank you. This year, I want to look like a normal human being.
Bonnie: Then you'll want to do something about that thing on your forehead.
Kim: What thing?
Kim: Great G!
Kim: It's the picture day curse. Ah! This cannot be happening.
Ron: Hey, KP, you forgot your...
Ron: Fuzzy caterpillar on your face!
Kim: Please. It's bad enough without you freaking out.
Ron: No, no. The uni-brow works on ya.
Rufus: Uh-hmm!
Kim: Right. Guys love the brow.
Wade: Kim, I need to talk to you.
Kim: Good, 'cause we've gotten ugly sitch here, Wade.
Wade: How ugly?
Kim: This ugly.
Wade: Uh-oh.
Kim: Uh-oh, what?
Wade: Well, I checked out that monkey amulet. Turns out that Monkey Fist was on to something. Legend holds that whoever wears the amulet becomes the Monkey King.
Ron: Love the king part. Not so hot on the monkey.
Wade: Actually, it's more monkey than king.
Kim: Great, I'm going to be a monkey.
Ron: Can't you stop it?
Wade: Well, I'm not really sure.
Kim: That's not what I wanted to hear.
Wade: Don't worry. I'll get to work and let you know as soon as I've got something.
Barkin: Let's move it, people! Time for student photos! Stoppable, none of your punk hand gestures this time.
Ron: What? It was a thumbs up.
Barkin: Sit on your hands, just in case.
Barkin: Possible, I see you're holding up your picture day tradition.
Kim: Well, maybe if I pluck.
Barkin: Pictures, people, let's move!
Clerk: Welcome to Middleton. How long will you be staying with us, Lord Fist?
Monkey Fist: As long as it takes to get what I came for.
Clerk: Uh, sir, we don't actually allow pets. But in this case, I suppose we could make an exception.
Monkey Fist: Smart human.
Clerk: Would you like a single or a double?
Monkey Fist: Do you have a dojo?
Clerk: We have a gym and spa.
Monkey Fist: I'll take it.
Clerk: So, uh, are you in town on business?
Monkey Fist: Yes. Monkey business.
Ron: All clear.
Kim: This is great. I'm about to go full monkey.
Josh: Hey, Kim.
Ron: Or full Mankey!
Kim: Josh, eep!
Josh: Hey, is that a good book?
Kim: This? Oh, yeah. Boy, it's fascinating.
Josh: Wow, the dictionary. Yeah, I haven't read it yet. I figure I'll wait for the movie.
Ron: You know KP! Always studying. In fact, she's late for study hall.
Josh: OK. Good luck at the cheer-off tonight.
Kim: The cheer-off? Like this?!
Ron: Sure, the crowd'll go ape for ya.
Ron: Oh. Sorry.
Barkin: Hold it right there, you two. Why aren't you getting your photos taken?
Ron: Oh. Mr. Barkin. We were just on our way.
Barkin: Oh. And is this the scenic route?
Ron: Actually, Mr. B, this is the scenic route...
Barkin: Where'd Possible go?
Ron: Uh... hair and makeup?
Barkin: Couldn't hurt.
Ron: Phew. OK, Kim, coast is clear. You got...
Ron: Ki... Kim?
Chippy: Huh?
Ron: Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha! She's gone the full monkey!
Chippy: Huh?
Ron: OK, stay calm. Ugh! Whaa! My best friend is my worst nightmare!
Chippy: Huh?
Wade: Hey, Kim. I... Oh, no!
Ron: Wade! Kim's gone over to the monkey side.
Wade: OK, don't panic.
Ron: Don't panic? She's a monkey! A fur-covered tree beast!
Wade: I'm working on a way to separate Kim's genetic matter from the amulet.
Ron: Wade! You're talking science. This is magic! Evil, stinking monkey magic! You can't fight magic with science!
Wade: I can, too.
Ron: No, you can't.
Wade: Can, too!
Ron: Cannot!
Wade: Can, too!
Ron: Cannot!
Wade: Can, too!
Ron: Cannot!
Wade: Can, too, infinity.
Ron: Oh, he got me with the infinity clause.
Wade: I'm going to need a DNA sample.
Ron: DNA?
Wade: Ron, just get me a sample of her hair.
Ron: Well, plenty of that here.
Ron: You heard him, KP, we just need some hair.
Ron: Ow. Oh. My face! Oh!
Ron: Would you please cooperate?
Monkey Fist: So, Kim Possible... tea?
Kim: How about a steaming cup of "What's going on?"
Monkey Fist: Oh, as if you don't know.
Kim: All I know is thanks to that amulet; I'm living a monkey nightmare.
Monkey Fist: A nightmare? It's my dream. You don't deserve the power of the amulet!
Kim: Yes, I'm an ungrateful monkey.
Monkey Fist: Don't worry. The amulet won't be your problem much longer. I'd like to say it won't hurt a bit, but that wouldn't be truthful. Bravo! A valiant effort, indeed. You
didn't think I'd actually allow you to leave? You are not a master of Tai-Ching-PekWhar, as am I. But the Monkey King amulet has given you much.
Kim: Like a tail?
Monkey Fist: And now, I plan to take what should have been mine... painfully.
Ron: There. That wasn't so bad, was it? OK, so it was bad, but it's for your own good, KP. Mission accomplished. Hair sample ready to go.
Wade: Place it on the sensor pad and I'll get started analyzing it. Hopefully, this will give me the info I need.
Ron: I'll make sure Kim doesn't run off. And now we wait.
Rufus: Oh.
Ron: What if Wade can't fix this? What happens if Kim's like this forever? Well, if this is the new you, so be it. There are worse things than turning into a monkey. I can't think of any, but I will. I don't care if you're a stinking monkey on the outside, Kim; inside you're still my best friend. Kim Possible, you're going to be the best, hairiest you, you can be. OK, smile pretty for the camera.
**Photographer:[/]b It's an ape.
Ron: Technically, she's a monkey. Apes don't have tails.
Photographer: Whatever. I get paid either way.
Ron: Have to admit, KP, aside from the monkey thing, I bet this will be your best school picture ever. But next time, let's not throw stuff at the photographer, OK?
Ron: Uh-oh.
Rufus: Uh-oh.
Ron: Don't look, KP, just walk away.
Bonnie: Oh, Josh, you are so funny.
Ron: Told you not to look. I don't know what Josh could possibly see in Bonnie over you. Except, you know, she's not full of bananas and covered in fur. But that doesn't mean you don't have feelings, too, right?
Rufus: Mm-hmm.
Ron: You may be a monkey, but you're still a human being. They can't treat you like that. Now, come on.
Ron: Yo, Josh, man. I got someone here I think you'd rather be talking to.
Bonnie: Total rudeness. We were dishing.
Ron: Bonnie, no offense, but you're way out of your league.
Bonnie: Excuse me?
Ron: My man Josh here has had his eye on this little lady for quite some time.
Josh: Dude, are you trying to set me up with a monkey?
Rufus: Uh-huh. Uh... hmm.
Bonnie: OK, major weirdness. I'm out of here. See you tonight at the cheer-off, Josh.
Ron: Oh, to you, she's just a monkey. To me, she's a great friend and a beautiful person. I'm just sorry you can't see it. Ahh! ?No pets." No offense, KP, but maybe I ought to just go in and tell your mom by myself. You know, break it to her gently. You're a... you're a remarkable person, KP. I mean... never mind, I got to go. Sorry to bother you at work, Mrs. Dr P.
Mrs. Dr P: Well, not like I was doing brain surgery.
Ron: You weren't?
Mrs. Dr P: What's wrong?
Ron: It's Kim.
Mrs. Dr P: Is she hurt?
Ron: No, no. She's feeling, uh... fit as a chimp.
Mrs. Dr P: Fit as a chimp? I've never heard that saying before.
Ron: Well, you better get used to it. Kim's a monkey!
Mrs. Dr P: Ron, you want me to open you up? Make sure everything's, uh, fit as a chimp?
Ron: I'm serious! Look. She was just here, I swear.
Mrs. Dr P: OK, Ron, I've got a patient catching a chill on his frontal lobe.
Ron: But...!
Ron: Mrs. Dr P!
Ron: OK, Kim, maybe you're right. If all goes well, she'll never have to know.
Kim: Any chance of you letting me out of here? Didn't think so. Great! My tail's all thumbs. Love to stay, but I don't want to be a monkey forever.
Monkey Fist: You don't know how lucky you are. But your luck is about to change. I was destined to be the Monkey King. According to the ancient text, there is still one way for me to achieve complete and total monkeyosity.
Kim: Personally, I think you should set your goals a little higher on the evolutionary scale.
Monkey Fist: Jest if you wish, but there is only one way to part you from the amulet. A very painful way.
Man: Hello. How are you doing? What's with the ape?
Kim: I'm a monkey. I have a tail.
Man: Oh, yeah. How much can your tail press?
Kim: We'll see. Strong tail.
Monkey Fist: Doh! Stop her!
Man: I had a dog that ran away from me once. It still hurts. You know?
Tara: Has anyone seen Kim? I mean, she is the head cheerleader. And the cheer-off is about to start. We won't stand a chance without her on point.
Bonnie: Looks like Miss Perfect's going to leave us hanging. So typ.
Ron: Don't worry, K.P. I'm sure Wade'll be able to get you back to normal. Yo, Wade. Status report? Wade?
Wade: Sorry. I had a printer jam. I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Ron: Bad? How bad?
Wade: Well, turns out there's a 24-hour time limit. If we don't change Kim back in five minutes, she'll be a monkey permanently.
Ron: You know what, Wade? If that's so, it's OK. I think Kim and I have proven that our friendship isn't just skin deep, or fur deep.
Wade: Oh, Ron. That's not Kim.
Ron: What?
Wade: The first sample was from a real monkey. A natural born monkey.
Ron: What? It's a monkey?! I spent the day with a real monkey?
Rufus: Ew, monkey!
Ron: No, you're right. We had a good day, didn't we?
Kim: Ron.
Ron: Ahh! Kim! You're a...!
Kim: Yes, I know, I'm a banana-eating tree swinger.
Ron: Wait. How do I know you're Kim and not a real monkey?
Kim: A talking real monkey?
Ron: Anything's possible.
Kim: Monkey Fist tried to get the amulet back. And, by the way, thanks for noticing I was gone.
Ron: But I thought he... she... it was you.
Kim: Please. You'd never catch me wearing that dress. Talk to me, Wade.
Wade: I need a DNA sample. Some hair will work.
Kim: How's this?
Wade: We'll know soon, because we're running out of time.
Kim: Time till what?
Ron: Until you're a monkey permanently.
Kim: Can this get a worse?
Ron: Yes!
Monkey Fist: Hyah!
Kim: Ha! Ho!
Ron: Kim! Run! We'll meet up in the gym.
Monkey Fist: Ron Stoppable. We have both experienced the mystical monkey power of Tai-Ching-Pek-Whar.
Ron: Oh!
Monkey Fist: But I am a monkey master and you are not.
Monkey Fist: Chippy, what are you doing here with these humans?
Ron: Chippy? That's your name?
Chippy: Uh-huh.
Wade: I'm almost ready. Where's Kim?
Ron: Um, I'll find her.
Ron: I'll never forget you, Chippy!
Monkey Fist: Out of my way, you monkey traitor. Now, to claim my monkey king crown!
Announcer: Welcome to the regional cheer-off between last year's champion, the Middleton Mad Dogs, and their arch rivals, the Lowerton Lemurs! And there's Lowerton's mascot! And there's... some guy.
Ron: How we doing, Wade?
Wade: I'm just about ready. I'm going to route the DNA sequencer through the communicator's data port. So you just have to point at Kim and zap.
Ron: Point and zap, got ya.
Announcer: And look! Lowerton brought another lemur mascot!
Monkey Fist: A lemur?! I've never even been to Madagascar. Hm. Lemur, indeed.
Announcer: Oh, this is great. The two mascots are performing a tumbling routine and the crowd loves it.
Ron: Tick-tock, Wade.
Wade: All set, zap away.
Ron: Huh? Wade! I'm pointing but there's no zapping.
Wade: Sorry, wrong cable connector.
Announcer: Incredible! Kim Possible, the Middleton head cheerleader, has KO'd Lowerton's mascot.
Kim: It worked! No more itching.
Announcer: And Middleton wins the cheer-off! Oh, what a spectacular display. My my.
Bonnie: Glad you could make it.
Kim: So not the drama.
Barkin: That's it, buddy. You're in violation of code. Impersonating a mascot. Lemur. Ha! Where's your tail, lemur? Take him away!
Monkey Fist: I am a monkey master! Not a lemur!
Ron: Good to have you back, KP.
Kim: Glad to be back. Where's your little monkey friend?
Ron: Hey, you're OK.
Kim: You seem to have gotten over your monkey issues.
Ron: KP, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Kim: At least this year I avoided another picture day disaster. Thank goodness I wasn't anywhere near a camera.
Ron: Uh, yeah. About that...
Kim: Mom! What is that picture doing on the wall?
Mrs. Dr P: What's that, honey? Oh, well, the boys just loved it.
Jim: It's your best school picture yet.
Tim: Hoo-sha!
Kim: Very funny, tweebs.
Mrs. Dr P: Well, you have to admit, Kimmie, the Nana dress isn't your look but Chippy pulls it off.