The Fearless Ferret

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By wallaceb
Mrs. Dr P: Good morning, Ron.
Ron: Hey, Dr. Possible.
Mrs. Dr P: I'm so glad you decided to volunteer for the Sunshine Spreaders.
Ron: Ah, you know me. I can't not help. Where's Kim?
Mrs. Dr P: Oh she ran off to rescue some hikers.
Paramedic: Code black! Code black!
Doctors: Come on, guys! Stat!
Mrs. Dr P: I'm seeing anterior tablature. Where did it happen?
Paramedic: The Andes.
Mrs. Dr P: Kimmie!
Ron: KP! What's with the goofy face?
Mrs. Dr P: Rictous Paralysis, a sure sign of brain frost. There's one cure... a new brain.
Paramedic: Take mine. It's the least I could do.
Mrs. Dr P: We've got to work fast. It's extremely conta...
Ron: Dr. P! Rufus! Looks like it's up to me. Hero time.
Kim: You saved me. You're a hero, Ron... Ron? Ron? Nap times over. 611 needs a fresh bedpan.
Ron: Oh, man!
Kim: What? You were expecting to do brain surgery on your first day?
Ron: No! Unless I was like, you know the world's last hope or something. Hmm.
Kim: Why are you staring?
Ron: No reason.
Nurse: Welcome and thank you, Sunshine Spreaders. Your youthful enthusiasm brightens our patients' cloudy day.
Kim: OK, this may not be your dream job, but it does give us community service credit at school.
Ron: I guess saving the world just isn't enough!
Nurse: Kim? The triage nurse is out today. Can you help out in the ER?
Kim: No prob.
Nurse: People, we have a home-bound senior who needs a little spirit lift. He sent three sun shiners home crying already.
Ron: Hmm. Sounds like this fella needs a dose of Ron shine.
Nurse: His name's Timothy North. Good luck.
Ron: Wow, this looks... cheery.
Ron: Oh, funky knocker. Hello? Mr. North? Maybe the old dude can't hear us. I said hello!
Timothy: I hear fine, punk.
Ron: I'm here to spread sunshine.
Timothy: Spread it on someone who cares.
Ron: Come on, Mr. North. I won't get school credit if I don't lift your spirits with my youthful zaz!
Timothy: You ready to go home crying?
Ron: No! No, no, no, I'm not like the others. I'm Ron Stoppable! I, um, can do anything.
Timothy: Do you know how to grout tile?
TV: Yeah, but can a rubber band play?
Tim and Jim: You best believe it!
Kim: What it this?
Jim: New cable station.
Tim: TV Trash Heap. 100 percent near-classic program unseen for generations.
Kim: For good reason.
Jim: Where's Ron? He was gonna check out Laugh Riot with us.
Kim: Good question. I tried calling. No answer.
Timothy: After you get rid of the spiders in here, you can shoo the bats out of the attic.
Ron: Oh, I'm beat, sir. Can't I just sit around and listen to you, you know, reminisce about the good old days?
Timothy: Eat snowballs.
Ron: Was that something he did in the good old days or something he wants me to do now?
Rufus: Uh-huh. Ugh! Whoop!
Ron: We shouldn't.
Rufus: Nu-uh.
Both: Whoa! Ahhh! Omph!
Ron: Whoa! Rufus, I think I'm having the most excellent geek-dream ever. "Fearless Ferret foils fiendish foe." That a lot of Fs. Whoa! A real hero! Hmm. Wha...? Boo-yah!
Timothy: I knew it! You came here to infiltrate the Ferret Hole!
Ron: No! No, no, no! It was an accident. And the costume is just... Hey, you were the Fearless Ferret!
Timothy: Curses. My secret has been revealed!
Ron: You stalk the night!
Timothy: My eyes were better back then.
Ron: My eyes are perfect! Well, I mean I have slight stigmatism but the doctor says I don't need corrective lenses... yet.
Timothy: You talk too much.
Ron: Come on, I can carry on the legacy of the Fearless Ferret! And Wonder Weasel!
Timothy: Preposterous! There was only one Fearless Ferret.
Ron: Until now! Come on, Mr. N, let me put on the tights. Give me a chance! I frequently play a supporting role in saving the world.
Timothy: The Fearless Ferret never plays second fiddle!
Ron: Well then see, that's perfect! I'm ready to step up!
Timothy: You, a fierce fighter of freakish foes?
Ron: For sure!
Timothy: Maybe on a trial basis.
Ron: Yes!
Timothy: Alright then. Tonight, I will teach you ferrety ways of justice.
Ron: I'm gonna be a superhero! Oh I Wait till I tell Kim.
Timothy: I repeat. You talk too much. Secret identity!
Ron: I got you! Right! Uh-huh! I got you! My lips are so sealed!
Timothy: Once again, the crime-ridden streets will bow to the will of the Fearless Ferret.
Ron: Um, Mr. North? My tights seem kind of... loose.
Timothy: The Ferret moves silent and swift.
Ron: But...
Timothy: Silent and swift!
Ron: Got you! Hmm... Ferret senses snackage. Whoa! Hmm.
Timothy: It's the sound of villainy.
Ron: Duty calls, Wonder Weasel. Activate Ferret Claw.
Timothy: That's the Ferret Smoke Screen.
Ron: They all look the same. That's the claw!
Ron: Whoa!
Rufus: Hey!
Ron: Hey, hey! Argh! Whoa!
Both: Argh!
Rufus: Rgrrrr!
Crooks: Agh!
Ron: Behold the ferrety claws of justice. I am the Fearless Ferret!
Rufus: Rgrrrr!
Ron: And this is my sidekick, Wonder Weasel. ...Dude! We are so fighting crime!
Woman: Um, nice tights.
Ron: I'm gonna get my ferrety tailor to take them in.
Rudolph: It can't be!
Ron: Dig it, citizen, thanks to the fearless ferret; your streets are safe tonight.
Timothy: Get out of there before lose your ferret mystique.
Ron: Farewell, good people. We're off to ferret-out crime wherever it may hide.
Woman: Can you do something about that alarm first?
Rudolph: So... Fearless Ferret has return. I've been waiting years for this. Finally that foolish Ferret will defeated by his arch-nemesis... White Stripe!
Kim: Hey.
Ron: Hey.
Kim: So I called you last night. You were out late again.
Ron: Spreading sunshine.
Kim: At night?
Ron: Mr. North, he's a night person.
Kim: What's your secret?
Rufus: Nu-uh, nu-uh!
Ron: Se... What secret? I have no idea what you mean.
Kim: Why didn't he make you cry like the others?
Ron: Oh, that! I'm a people-pleaser! I'm a people-pleasing person.
Kim: Hmm. So we have like 50 new channels on cable. Wanna come over at night and surf?
Ron: Oh, yeah, I promised I'd help Mr. North, um, mulch his yard.
Kim: In the dark?
Ron: Well, like I said... night person. I'll see ya.
Kim: Hmm.
Ron: You know, Wonder Weasel, I hate playing Kim, but they don't call a secret identity for nothing, right?
Rufus: Uh-huh!
Timothy: Listen up. Two words. Always alert.
Ron: I'm sorry? What was that? Ha! Psych! See that's what I usually do as a sidekick. You know I do the Funny stuff.
Timothy: Leave gags to the weasel.
Rufus: Mmm-hmm.
Timothy: The Fearless Ferret is all business.
Ron: You got it, sir. You hear that?
Rufus: Uh-huh.
Ron: Let's go.
Rufus: Ew!
Ron: Ew! Now I smell it, too! Yow! It's rank!
Timothy: It can't be! It's...
Ron: A giant skunk?!
Rudolph: The wicked White Stripe, you well know my Ferrety foe!
Timothy: White Stripe! That fiend!
Ron: You know this guy?
Timothy: My noxious nemesis. Beware of his stink stream!
Ron: I don't even wanna know what that is.
Timothy: Activate Fragrance Ferret Deodorizer.
Ron: Right. Um, which one is that?
Timothy: The nose!
Kim: Wade, are you sure Ron's pager is in this building?
Wade: Are you sure it's your business?
Kim: He's been acting funny. I just want to make sure he's OK.
Wade: Then yes, the trace is solid.
Rudolph: Not so fast, ferret! Come on down!
Kim: Ew. Ron? You in here?
Ron: Kim?
Timothy: Use the Ferret Flicker! No, that's the Ferret Tail!
Ron: You really should have gone over this before I went skulking.
Rufus: Oh!
Kim: Try up here.
Rudolph: This is none of your business.
Kim: Making it my business, stinky!
Ron: Argh! Umph!
Rudolph: We'll meet again, Ferret!
Kim: So who are you supposed to be?
Ron: Just think of me as... a friend.
Kim: Yeah, no duh! Ron?!
Ron: That is so not cool to do to a superhero!
Timothy: Retreat! Retreat! Preserve your secret identity!
Ron: I gotta go!
Kim: Nice cave you've got here.
Ron: Kim! Um, it's a hole! The Ferret Hole.
Kim: And you're doing what exactly?
Ron: If somebody told you I was just ordinary teenage sidekick, somebody lied.
Kim: What?
Ron: I am the Fearless Ferret! Version 2.0.
Rufus: A-hum.
Ron: And Wonder Weasel!
Kim: Um? I think it's great you get to be "ferrety", but...
Timothy: What have you done? You know better than to bring strangers to the Ferret Hole! Without the mask! You've compromised your secret identity!
Ron: She followed me, Mr. N! This is my friend, Kim Possible. She's wile.
Timothy: Wile, eh? Sounds like the Ferret Girl. Quickly, don this costume!
Kim: Um, thanks, no. I don't get the whole superhero-secret-identity thing.
Ron: What do you mean? You chase bad guys, too!
Kim: Yeah, but my clothes are off the rack. Hey, Wade.
Timothy: Who else knows she's here?
Wade: Who's that?
Kim: Long story. What's up?
Wade: You got a hit on the site from the Lowerton Lemur?s Football team... someone stole their dirty laundry.
Kim: Weird. Ron, you coming?
Ron: Indeed I am. I will ferret-out this crime as... the Fearless Ferret!
Timothy: Remember, the Fearless Ferret never plays second fiddle.
Ron: Sorry, old friend, Wonder Weasel and I will handle this by ourselves. Ferret style.
Kim: Yeah. I?ll try to stay out of your way.
TV: Tomorrow, four freaky hippies become super spies... in the Mod Quad.
Kim: More TV trash?
Jim: The trashiest!
TV: Next up, the Fearless Ferret!
**FEARLESS FERRET:**That's right, Wonder Weasel! It's time to ferret-out evil!
Kim: The Fearless Ferret is a... TV character?!
TV: The Fearless Ferret! In Color! Tonight's episode - That Stinking Feeling.
Kim: I can't believe it.
Jim: You should have seen the Where-Are-They-Now special on the show.
Tim: The actors that played Ferret and White Stripe are complete space cases.
Jim: They both totally thought the whole thing was real.
Kim: My best friend... space case.
WHITE STRIPE: OK, Ferret; let's see you get out of this!
TV: Hey, Ferret fans in Upperton, Middleton and Lowerton!
Tim: Hicka bicka boo!
TV: Can't get enough of the Fearless Ferret on TV Trash Heap? Then come on down to Ferret Fest at the Tri-city convention centre!
Both: Hoosha!
TV: Meet your Ferret fanciers, prizes to best ferret costume. There's no better way to ferret-out fun!
Kim: I've got to find Ron.
Ron: Shrouded in shrubbery, The Fearless Ferret prepares to pounce.
Timothy: Maybe punks pounce. Ferrets do not.
Ron: OK, how about I face my foe?
Timothy: Better. Throw in something about the Skulking skunk."
Ron: You sure he's coming?
Timothy: Definitely. Hitting a perfume factory fits Stripe's MO. It's just a matter of time. Hold the phone, punk. I've got an intruder. Nice moves, kid. You sure you don't wanna be Ferret Girl?
Kim: So sure. Mr. North, we need to talk.
Rudolph: Oh, dear me. Can somebody help a poor old lady?
Ron: FF one? FF two here. Copy? FF one? Hello? Mr. North? Looks like we're on our own, Wonder Weasel, flying solo.
Rufus: A-hum!
Ron: Um, flying duo, sorry. What can the Fearless Ferret do for you, ma'am?
Rudolph: Smell my stink spray!
Rufus: Phew!
Ron: Wha...? Whoa.
Timothy: A TV show. That does ring a bell. Sort of. Still, my fight against evil... that was real.
Kim: No, sorry. Now, about Ron.
Timothy: Wait! What about my bum leg? I definitely got this battling evil.
Kim: Um, No, you got it after your show was cancelled, when they had to forcibly remove you from the set. Mr. North, I'm afraid you've lived with all the show props for so that you began to think it was real.
Timothy: Maybe. Or maybe you're a fiendish foe who wants me to believe I was only an actor.
Kim: Exhibit A, TV Trash Heap.
TV: Remember Ferret Fans. Ferret Fest is here at the Tri-city convention centre!
**FEARLESS FERRET:**Let's go, Wonder Weasel!
Timothy: An actor.
Kim: Sorry, Mr. North. Now, about Ron. I think White Stripe might also be a bit... confused.
Timothy: Don't worry about your friend, he's... He's gone!
Kim: Gone where?
Timothy: Punk, where are you?!
Ron: Whoa! We got skunked!
Rufus: Phew!
Ron: We're at the Tri-city convention centre! Wow! This is radical! I've already got fans!
Rudolph: Oh, yes! The foolish fans fawn over my ferrety foe!
Ron: Good one!
Rudolph: Thank you. I hope you'll enjoy the view of victory.
Ron: Huh?
Rudolph: Behold!
Ron: So what? You've got one balloon. I've got a whole convention.
Rudolph: Argh! Behold again!
Ron: OK... yeah?
Rudolph: Oh, come on! Just below the tail!
Ron: You're gonna pop your own balloon?
Rudolph: That is no ordinary balloon, Ferret, for it is filled with the foulest odor! A stink that will cling to its victims for years to come!
Kim: I've located Ron. He's at the Tri-city convention centre.
Timothy: Just like the old days! Racing the rescue.
Kim: Only in the old days...
Timothy: I was an actor in a TV show that got cancelled after two seasons.
Kim: Just reality-checking.
Timothy: What is this?
Kim: Ferret Fest. Ron?! Back off, Farnsworth!
Rudolph: That name. I know that name.
Kim: You should. It's your name. Rudolph Farnsworth, actor. Had a one-time guest spot on the Fearless Ferret TV show.
Ron: TV show?!
Kim: Sorry, Ron. The Fearless Ferret isn't real. It's, well, TV trash.
Ron: Well... Well, what about all the Ferret Hole? And all the other Ferret stuff?!
Kim: North spent all his money to duplicating the set.
Rudolph: Lies! Smell my stink spray!
Kim: Man that stinks.
Ron: Kim!
Rudolph: Farewell, Ferret! Woo hoo!
Ron: Time to step up!
Rufus: Yeah!
Ron: Hop aboard, Wonder Weasel! Well done, Wonder Weasel!
Guy #1: What kind of costume is that?
Guy #2: White Stripe, one of the lesser villains play by Rudolph Farnsworth. He appeared only in episode 14.
Rudolph: Who are you calling lesser?!
Ron: Agh! Ugh! Agh!
Timothy: You OK, Ferret Girl?
Kim: Yeah.
Guy #1: Look! Timothy North in the flesh!
Guy #2: North has never been to a convention ever! Mr. North! An autograph?
Rudolph: Tim? Timothy North?
Timothy: Farnsworth! So what have you been up to lately?
Rudolph: Living each day in delusion, thinking that fiction is reality.
Timothy: Me, too!
Ron: North is actually smiling.
Kim: Guess he just needed Ron shine in his life.
Ron: I'm a hero! It's what I do.
Kim: Way to go, hero!
Woman: TV Trash is pulling in huge numbers.
Man: I know. We scraped the bottom of the barrow and people eat it up.
Woman: I smell a promotion! Ew!
Man: Ugh!