The Big Job

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By wallaceb
Kim: Wow, Chez Chouteau, How’d you score a table?
Ron: It’s all who you know KP.
Kim: Wade?
Ron: Um, yea. He jacked the reservation line for me.
Kim: Oh, that’s so sweet. Wow… this is kinda expensive.
Ron: Not the kid’s menu. Might I recommend the nugget stewed chicken? Or the Griddled Homage? Hello! Kids eat free!
Kim: Ron, not the coupons again?
Ron: Don’t mess with a good thing KP.
Kim: We’re not kids. At least I’m not.
Ron: Right, right, so if anyone asks you’re under 12.
Kim: Ron I can’t!
Ron: I know what you’re thinking Kim.
Kim: You do?
Ron: Garson! Hi, this baby otter isn’t going to color itself. Why no brown? What’s closer to otter, Red or Blue?
Kim: Ron, this is ludicrous.
Ron: I know! You’d think a swank place like this could spring for a real box of crayons. Oh and know what… watch your vocab Kim, ludicrous is kinda s grown up word. Remember, you’re 12. So maybe Duffy or stupido.
Drakken: They think a prison cell can hold Dr. Drakken? Ha! Why at this very moment, the entire criminal underworld is deciding who will have the honor of breaking me out!
Frugal: Yea who? Who’s it gonna be? Wait don’t tell me, don’t tell me! I know! It’s you!
Drakken: Um… Me? Lucre, think for a minute, I’m the one in prison!
Frugal: But you, you, you’re the real genius, you’d invent some kind of teleportation time machine allowing you to rescue yourself, but no, okay no, then there would be two of you! And the inherent possibility of two Drakken’s in the same place at the same time would force the time space continuum to repair itself by merging the two Drakken’s into one! Who would be…?
Drakken: Standing right where I am now?
Frugal: Oh! You are good! Oh yea! Oh you’re gonna take me with you right? Yea, I’ll go get my stuff.
Drakken: Ah! at last! I’m back baby, I’m… hey! Wait! Come back! She’s only the side kick! You want me, I’m the master mind. I’ve got tred! Check out my prison tats yo!
Frugal: Is there time to go potty before we go?
Drakken: Potty? Gha!
Shego: Not to seem ungrateful Jr. But why did you beak me out of prison?
SSJ: Well, my father’s birthday is coming up.
Shego: Hold it right there slick, I don’t do cakes, I don’t bake em, and I don’t jump out of em.
SSJ: Oh no no, it is nothing like that. I thought the best present I could give papie was a perfectly executed caper!
Shego: And you committed a major felony so I could help you pull it off? Oh that’s so thoughtful.
SSJ: Well our last crime together went flawlessly except for the part where we got caught and arrested.
SSS: Jr. more celery sticks and some of that um… fizzy orange beverage.
SSJ: Coming papie.
Shego: Fizzy beverage? I’m confused.
SSJ: It is father’s weekly card game with friends. You would not believe how they go through the snacks, especially the Snicker Doodles.
Shego: Maybe we should heist some Snicker Doodles.
Monique: Uh-oh, I know that look. It says bad date. Coupons gain?
Kim: Well, Ron took me to a really nice restaurant last night and um…
Monique: Any actual money change hands?
Kim: Well… sorta.
Monique: Coupons for kids eat free don’t count. That boy needs a job.
Kim: I hinted.
Monique: Don’t hint, lead by example.
Kim: Me? Work at Club Banana?
Monique: It would be brilliant having you here. And it might give Ron the right idea.
Kim: Oh, I don’t know.
Monique: Kim… employee discount.
Kim: I’m in!
Monique: Welcome to club B girl.
Ron: Ah, what will it be today? Pickle on a pike?
Kim: Ron, about these coupons…
Ron: Aren’t they great!
Kim: Not commenting.
Monique: If the stuff in that coupon book was worth something, they wouldn’t be giving it away.
Ron: I won’t dignify that with a response.
Monique: Cause you don’t have one.
Ron: Well du, why else do you pull that line?
Kim: Go Wade.
Wade: Hey Kim, get this. Last night somebody broke Shego out.
Kim: And Drakken?
Wade: Nope, just Shego.
Ron: Again?
Kim: Any idea who broke her out this time?
Wade: Not yet, I’m trying to get a fix. I’ll keep you posted.
Kim: Well, I better get to work.
Monique: Kim’s starting her new job today.
Kim: I’m working at Club Banana now.
Monique: You know Ron; if you had a job then you’d have…
Ron: Impossible hours?
Monique: No.
Ron: Mean bosses?
Monique: No.
Ron: On the job injuries?
Monique: No! Money! You’d have mad money!
Ron: Oh yea, that reminds me KP, can I barrow 5 bucks?
Kim: Why do you need cash? You have coupons. See you after work.
Ron: Okay, don’t work too hard KP! Now where to food where to food? Oo! Here’s one for chicken… beaks?
Rufus: Hmm-Ummm.
Ron: Yea, I guess we’ve used up all the good coupons. I just wish I had some… Money! Oh man that’s what Kim was talking about she thinks I need to…
Monique’s Voice: Get a job, get a job, get a job, get a job Uh-hu that’s right.
Ron: Monique may be on to something. Now only if I could find one.
SSJ: No. no good. Got that. Got that. Got two of those. Oh please not that again.
Shego: Do you know how much trouble Drakken has gone through to get some of this stuff? And you’ve already got them?
SSJ: He should have called.
Shego: Even spinning tops of doom?
SSJ: Oh don’t get me started on the spinning tops of doom; the blow back is murder on my hair. OO! Do you think we will need a high speed…?
Shego: Focus kiddo. Alright, first we find a target. Then we get our hands on…
SSS: Jr. more salty chips and crunchy snacks and um, fruity fizzy beverages.
SSJ: Oh.
Shego: All this money and Pops can’t higher a caterer?
SSJ: Oh, here’s a museum, and a special exhibit on the history of villainy. Ooo! Sounds evil.
Shego: Sounds better if it was I don’t know something valuable!
SSJ: It features the last in tact copy of the Tomb of Treachery.
Shego: Great, some moldy old book.
SSJ: Yes, it is quite moldy, but it is also priceless.
Shego: Well, we’ll figure out a price.
Ron: Kim! I got a job here at the mall! And you’ll never guess where.
Kim: Pickle on a Pike?
Ron: Oh, how’d you guess? Pickle?
Monique: Ron, read the sign.
Ron: No food, pickled or otherwise. Pickle predigests! This is still discrimination.
Kim: What up Wade.
Wade: Got a lead on Shego. She’s in San Francisco with Senior Senior Junior.
Kim: So it is Jr. who broke her out. But why San Francisco? Any idea what they are after?
Wade: Look here, a special exhibition on the history of villainy featuring… get this a priceless copy of The Tomb of Treachery.
Kim: Sounds likely targetish.
SSJ: I do not remember seeing this many cars on the map.
Shego: Three times around the block. You’d think someone would just leave. Alright, just, just stop the car!
SSJ: You see a space?
Shego: Forget the space! Wait here. I’ll grab the Tomb.
SSJ: But this was supposed to be our perfect caper?
Shego: It is. I’ll go steal the book perfectly, and you… wait... perfectly.
SSJ: Perfect.
Shego: Oh great. How did you know?
Kim: You’re predicable.
Shego: Really, am I? The Predict this!
Ron: Kim, I’ll keep circling, there is no where to park.
Shego: You too?
Kim: Yea, what is up with this city?
Shego: Jr. let’s get out of here.
Ron: Ha! In your face!
SSJ: No, it is in your face!
Shego: Just drive!
SSJ: But I just parked. Did you get the book?
Shego: No! Just go!
Kim: Come on.
Ron: You know it’s wired, we haven’t seen a single cable car.
Rufus: Hmmm.
Kim: Focus, we are only interested in Shego’s car.
Ron: I mean this is San Francisco. Is one lousy cable car too much to ask? Ok, finally. There’s one! Ah! There’s one! Gadget, gadget! There’s gotta be a gadget. Why isn’t there a gadget?
Kim: Relax. Wade, patch me through to the tweebs.
Tweebs: Hua!
Kim: Jim, Tim, did you add aquatic capability to my car?
Jim: Sure.
Kim: Hit it Ron.
Ron: Okay, which button?
Tweebs: For what?
Kim: Aquatic capability.
Tim: Oh, we thought you said could you add aquatic capability.
Ron: Oh, I can see how they could make that mistake. Ha! Look, fish!
Shego: I cannot believe Kimmie cracked our caper.
SSJ: Maybe we should find some place she cannot get to.
Shego: Okay, like where?
SSJ: What about way up a mountain over a parlays rope bridge and past all sorts of booby-traps?
Shego: Hmm, what’s the take away?
SSJ: A priceless paper weight.
Shego: Recently discovered pre-Incan idol. Not bad. Worth some dinero too.
SSJ: And it will look muy bueno on Papie’s desk.
Kim: Where’s your Pickle on a Pike outfit?
Ron: Um… brine issues. My bad!
Monique: So now you’re going on a safari?
Ron: Nope, I got a job at the zoo. They’re hiring people to feed the lions.
Kim: Isn’t that dangerous?
Ron: KP, it’s the zoo. KP it’s the zoo! They tried feeding me to the lions!
Kim: Are you sure you just didn’t mess this up?
Ron: Well, I um, er I did skip orientation. And you know I brought my own raw meant from home. And maybe all the poking the lions with the stick was wrong… but no!
Kim: Hmm-hm, go Wade.
Wade: I got a lead on Shego and Jr. They’re in South America.
Ron: Ha-ha! The other America.
Shego: Jr., I know your dad owns an island, but there is no way he has a desk big enough for that!
SSJ: It did not look this large on the internet.
Kim: Shego, your make up actually works in this light.
Shego: What?! You got past all the booby-traps?
Ron: Not all, a little help?
SSJ: Girls, this is not helping.
Ron: Oh, give up Jr. There is no way a lama can out run a car! Okay… so maybe it can out bite a car, but that’s cheating!
Kim: Any luck on the job front?
Ron: Well, after what happened at the zoo I’m starting to feel…
Monique: Broozed?
Ron: I was gonna say discourages. You know I give up, that’s my last job.
Monique: Ever?
Kim: Come on, you’re trying and that counts for a lot.
Ron: Yea, thanks for supporting KP, you know on the bright side there are still coupons left.
Monique: Besides not that bright.
Shego One lousy Kim Possible free job. Is that too much to ask? There has to be some place we can go where she can’t beat us to.
SSJ Maybe there is. What if we demanded an enormous amount of money for the safe return of the five richest persons in the world?
Shego Right. We couldn’t even boost a book. Let alone the five richest people. Do you have any idea what kind of security there would be?
SSJ Yes, self activated lasers, an alligator tank, oh and the spinning tops of doom.
Shego Wait, what are you talking about?
SSJ My father and his card buddies are the five richest people. Pop pop Porter the frozen snake king, Alfred Door the software czar, Pala Pandowdy the first lady of day time television and Marvin Smarty the retail revolutionary.
Shego Do their games last as long as your intro?
SSJ Sometimes a week, sometimes more. We just have to keep them playing. That would be long enough for us to collect the money no?
Shego Jr. that is the lowest sneakiest most underhanded plan I’ve ever heard, it…it’s… it’s perfect.
SSJ Good! I will make our demands known.
Phone: Thank you for calling Smarty Mart. For customer service press 1. for job opportunities press 2. to demand an enormous amount of money for the safe return of our founder press three. Please enter the enormous amount of money you are demanding.
SSJ This is even easier than I anticipated.
Ron Monique, thanks for letting me help out around the store.
Monique Actually Ron, I told you not to help out around the store.
Ron Yea, but I figured since I was here.
Monique I am not cleaning that up!
Kim What’s the sitch Wade?
Wade Plenty, check this.
SSJ Hello everyone. If you are interested in the five richest people in the world safely returned to you, you need to convey to us, the sum of a bazillion zillion dollars.
Shego That’s not a real number.
SSJ But it sounds so impressive. And don’t you like my evil choral?
Shego Hi, he’s new at this, a billion dollars a piece will do just fine.
Kim And the five richest people are?
Ron Kim! Do you know who that is? That’s Martin Smarty, the founder of Smarty Mart. Do have any idea how long I’ve wanted to meet him? he’s my hero… oh.. my…he’s my idol! I’ve read his book three times!
Kim You read a book without it being assigned?
Ron Man, you know you are snippy lately. I knew this job thing would lead to this.
Kim You mean you not holding one?
Ron No time for snip KP, we gotta save him… them.
Kim Eh, we will… Wade ride?
Wade Jim and Ti are still working on your car. Lama bites no good.
Kim But we gotta get to the Senior’s island. There has to be someone we can hitch a ride with?
Ron I have a solution.
Kim Huh? One free parasailing lesson?
Ron A boo and Yaa! Admit it KP, the Rom man and his humble coupons came through when it counted.
Kim: Okay, so one came through in a pinch. I still hate that coupon book.
Ron: I can’t believe it, I’m actually going to meet Martin Smarty! Ha-ha-ha!
Kim: Rescue first! Then meet.
Ron: Did you know that Martin Smarty got his first job when he was ten!
Kim: Fascinating, can we concentrate on being sneaky now?
Ron: Ten KP, his first job selling popcorn balls out of an old wagon, I don’t even own a wagon. I’m just a failure.
Rufus: Oh, oh.
Kim: Oh, eh, you’re not a failure, you’re um… well, okay you have failed a lot lately. But your luck is bound to change.
Shego: Kimmie, we’ve been expecting you.
SSJ: We have indeed. Would you care for a salty snack?
Kim: No thanks, we’ve just stopped by to foil you twp, then we’ll be on our way.
Ron: Hold up KP, what kind of salty snacks?
Shego: Forget the snacks! Get ‘em!
Ron: It’s down to you and me Jr..
SSJ: Eha!
Shego: Never mind the sidekick, he’s just the distraction.
SSJ: Right, help your self to a fizzy beverage. We have a distraction too. Having the gloating snickers ah yes I enjoy this.
Ron: Rufus, let’s show them what distraction really means. Ah-ha! That’s what I’m talking about! Oh! That’s not what I’m talking about! Oh. Ah! Whoaa! Owe! Ahh! Hey! Whoa!
Shego: Wow, your dad really does have everything.
SSJ: Tell me about it, the holidays are a nightmare, he’s so hard to shop for.
SSS: Jr., what is all this racket? Ron Stoppable? What are you doing here?
Ron: We’re here to rescue Martin Smarty eh, and everyone yea.
Smarty: Rescue us? From what?
Ron: Jr., he kidnapped you all, including his own father, hi!
SSS: Jr., is this true?
SSJ: Well…Y.Y, you see the ting is…. Yes it is true!
Smarty and lady: This is an outrage! That boy of yours!
Smarty: Listen here young man. There is only one word for behavior like that, it’s down right evil.
SSS: Yes, quite evil indeed. Well done Jr., I am very proud of you my son.
SSJ: Thank you father, and happy birth day.
SSS: Ah, what a marvelously thoughtful gift. What is she doing here?
Shego: relax pops, Jr. Came up with this one all on his own. It was actually a good plan. And it still is. Hi-ya! Ha-ha-ha.
Ron: Sidekick still in danger. Hey stop that!
Kim: Give it up Shego, it’s over.
SSJ: Yes, you saw how pleased father was with his gift, we can stop now.
Shego: Oh, no, no, no, somebody owes me my billion.
Ron: Made it!
SSS: Jr., make sure your lady friend does not hurt my alligators.
Shego: Me? Hurt them?
Ron: Mr. Smarty! Can I get your autograph? I read your book three times.
Kim: Good work Ron, you saved him.
Ron: I did? Oh yea I did.
Shego: Seriously, a hand? Anyone? These things have teeth!
Smarty: I like to reward people who save my life.
Ron: And I like to be rewarded. Did you hear that KP a reward!
Smarty: How would you like a job?
Ron: Maybe we have different thoughts on that word “reward”. Owe! Oh, right. A job… yea that would be good… wow thanks.
Smarty: Outstanding, you’re the kind of go getter I need I the Smarty Mart team. Welcome aboard!
Ron: I won’t let you down sir! Well Rufus, let’s meet our co-workers.
Rufus: Monkey!
Kim: Wow, Che-expensive!
Ron: And this time, no coupons. Tonight Garson we’ll take the grown up menu.
Kim: Ron, this is really great but… do you have to ware the Smarty Mart Vest?
Ron: KP, the vest never comes off! Now where are my crayons? Garson!
Rufus: Ha! Garson?
Lucre: I got this great idea for the prefect caper want to hear it?
Drakken: No!
Lucre: Okay, here is what you do. You demand an enormous amount of money for the safe return of the richest people in the world.
Drakken: Lucre, lights out means lips shut!
Lucre: Okay, I’m just spit balling, here’s the twist, you don’t actually abduct anyone, no! You just make people think you’re holding em!
Drakken: Are you sleep talking?
Lucre: oh-oh! Okay, what about this? Okay you distribute evil robotic technology through fast food kiddy meals. Can you hear me okay through that pillow?