Team Impossible

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By wallaceb
Ron: Oh, man KP, look at this line. We’ll never make it into Bricks of Fury I-I-I.
Kim: I-I-I. Ron, that’s the Roman numeral 3.
Ron: Un-uh, yea, Latin and math are not my strongest subjects. There was a time when… AHH! The line is moving!
Kim: I don’t get the drama. If you’ve seen one movie about a disgruntled security guard who enacts his own brand of street justice using a cinder block, you’ve seen them all.
Ron: Psshha. These ones got 30 percent more bricks.
Kim: Pshha. And I’ve got 30 percent more don’t care.
Ron: Come-on, catch up KP. I’m going to snag those seats. Coming through! Excuse me! Pardon me! OWW! Pardon me! Excuse me! Boo-yea! Seats are secured. Kim? How’d you?
Kim: Walked around.
Ron: Now to claim what’s rightfully mine. Ha! That’s right little missy! I got the elbow dibs on the armrest.
Kim: Stress much?
Ron: Welcome to the jungle KP. Be right back.
Kim: You just got here.
Ron: Snackage! Hello! Want anything? Popcorn? Soda? Jelly-Jumpies?
Rufus: Jumpies!
Kim: I’m cutting down on the Jumpies.
Dash: Kim Possible, your teen hero days are over and out
Crash: This film has been terminated.
Burn: Audience leaves now!
Crowd: Ahhh.
Kim: Hey!
Crash: You keep it parked.
Kid: Hey, I paid nine seventy five for this movie.
Crash: Give him the fork.
Kid: The what?
Kim: What? No stun-spoon?
Crash and Burn: She knows about the spoon!
Kim: Umm… joking.
Burn: You are a bag of trouble, aren’t you?
Ron: So did everyone go for popcorn? Hey! Down in front. Who are these guys?
Team Impossible: Team Impossible!
Ron: KP! They have a theme song. Why don’t we have a theme song? You know, it could be like, you know like ba-ba-ba-ba or bamp-bamp-bamp, you know like my pants fall down, you know like we could put something in.
Burn: The fork?
Crash: The fork.
Kim: Uhhh… do we know you?
Dash: Dash Deman. Surveillance and recon.
Ron: Wow. Theme song and clips.
Dash: Extreme wilderness survival specialist. Learned in seven languages and countless dialects.
Crash: Crash Cranston. Transport and tech. Professional dare devil. Also, skilled in emergency medicine.
Burn: Burn Burnmen. Certified public accountant.
Ron: That’s it?
Burn: Numbers are not the only thing that I crunch squirt.
Ron: Good to know.
Kim: Yea, hi, can we get to the why you’re here part now?
Dash: Team Impossible is the premiere action and rescue team worldwide.
Kim: No offence, but I’ve never heard of you guys.
Dash: Oh, haven’t you? I think I can refresh your memory.
Ron: Hey, it’s that guy. What was his name? No, now wait, don’t tell me.
Kim: Paisley. Our first big time rescue.
Ron: Oh, I was thinking of someone else.
Dash: Mr. Paisley was an avid collector of cuddle buddies.
Kim: He had a flamingoat. They only made…
Dash: Ten. Yes, we know. To protect his collection, he installed a McHenry laser grid. The best money can buy. But Paisley got himself into a situation.
Crash: We get people out of situations.
Kim: Actually, we got him out of that sitch-uation.
Dash: Yes, we know.
Burn: You see we have a website...
Kim: I have a website!
Dash: Yes, we know.
Crash: Paisley needed us, but thanks to careless typing he got you.
Ron: So our first mission was because of a typo?
Kim: But it worked out in the end. See, I used my cheer skills…
Dash: Guess what?
Kim: You know?
Dash: Yea.
Kim: Ok, so if you know it all, what do you want from us?
Burn: Your little teen adventures have cut into our profit margin. Big time!
Kim: But I don’t charge to help people.
Burn: And that’s the problem.
Dash: You’ve had your kicks, now leave the hero business to the professionals.
Crash: Stay in school.
Ron: Man that is a good theme.
Kim: Ron, they want us to just stop.
Ron: I know KP. I don’t have to like them to like their theme.
Mrs. Possible: Hon, why don’t you hire a professional?
Mr. Possible: Urgg, I’m a rocket scientist. I should be able to do my own taxes. Now, let’s see. Last name. Possible . First Name.
Kim: Dad? Mom?
Mr. Possible: Kimmie?
Mrs. Possible: Is something wrong?
Kim: I don’t know. Somebody wants to put me out of business.
Mrs. Possible: What business?
Kim: The world saving business!
Mr. Possible: I thought that was more of a hobby.
Kim: Whatever, to Team Impossible it’s a business. Serious business.
Mrs. Possible: Team Impossible?
Mr. Possible: Who’s that?
Kim: Jerks! They help people, but for money. And they’re so smug about it.
Mr. Possible: Ewww! Smug really pushes my peev button
Mrs. Possible: What are you going to do?
Kim: Sometimes I think it would be way easier if I just lived life like a normal teenager.
Mr. Possible: Now Kimmie, you are not normal. You are a Possible.
Jim: We’re making anti-matter in the garage.
Tim: Hooshaa!
Mrs. Possible: What your father means honey…
Kim: I know what he means mom. And he’s right. Save the world! It’s what I do and nobody’s going to stop me. Thanks guys.
Mr. Possible: Ewww! First Name? urgg You know what, I’m calling an accountant.
Ron: Ok, let’s see. Puppy sitter wanted. That sounds cute and fun. Oh, right. Forgot about the fetch incidence. Balding men needed for scientific study. Hmm
Rufus: No!
Ron: Ok, ok, ok. But I think you’re passing up an opportunity to give something back. Maybe a hobby. OH! I know! I can watch TV until my eyes burn. Bam! Problem solved.
Kim: What’s going Ron?
Ron: Hey KP. Na, I figured since we dropped out of the hero biz I had better find something to do with all my new free time.
Kim: Who said we were dropping out?
Ron: Uhh… the three big dudes with the super cool theme song. Can’t get it out of my head.
Kim: Just because those greedy goons think we’re cutting into their bottom line, that’s no reason to quit.
Ron: No. How about because they have a half a dozen fists.
Kim: Go Wade.
Wade: Red Alert Kim. Drakken is at his alpine lair and he’s going to test his new avalancher on a little Swiss village.
Kim: And the avalancher?
Wade: Uses sub-harmonics to create avalanches.
Kim: Well, that was my guess. We’re a go!
Wade: Ok, I set you up with Bernice to get you to Switzerland, then your old friend Hindrick will meet you at the airport.
Ron: You know Wade, if the super-genius-computer-dude thing ever dries up, you’d make a bond-diggity travel agent.
Wade: Nah, I’d have to leave my room.
Kim: Thanks for the lift again Bernice.
Bernice: As long as you help people, people are happy to help you Kim.
Kim: Hmm… and without a theme song.
Ron: Oh, come on. It would be a plus and you know it. K, so where’s our ride?
Kim: Wade, update. Any word from Hindrick?
Wade: What? Hindrick should have been there an half-hour ago. I’ll check. In the meantime, how do you feel about riding on a tour bus full of seniors?
Ron: Seniors? What’s the big? They’re only a year older than us. That’s cool. I guess he didn’t mean High School Seniors.
Old Lady: I’m sorry, but since you were last minute additions to our group, we don’t have a boxed lunch for you two.
Kim: Oh, that’s, that’s fine.
Ron: Hold on Kim, we had to pay for this ride with our own money, we’re entitled to this lunch.
Kim: It’s fine Ron!
Ron: It has a cookie in it!
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Kim, I’m just saying fair is fair.
Kim: Focusing now.
Ron: And we paid for a visit to a charming cheese shop, and chocolate tasting. Chocolate tasting, Kim! I know buddy, but sometimes fighting the good fight means no chocolate. I want that boxed lunch!
Kim: Let it go Ron. It’s Drakken time, not snacking time.
Ron: NO WAY! They’re going on a coo-coo factory tour.
Kim: So are we. Come on. What?
Ron: Wow! Is this a coincidence or?
Drakken: No! You can’t stop Dr… Oww!
Swede: Team Impossible, thank you for saving our village. I don’t know how we could ever repay you.
Dash: You’ll find a way. Our bill.
Swede: Will you take a credit card?
Crash: Check his credit score.
Burn: He’s clean.
Swede: Thank you and please accept this basket of chocolate and cheese as a small token.
Drakken: Kim Possible. You think you’re all that, but they are!
Ron: Told you we needed a theme song.
Wade: Sorry Kim. I don’t know what happened.
Kim: Hmm… Maximum strangeness.
Ron: Oh! I got it all figured out.
Kim: Our ride sitch?
Ron: No, better! Kick it Rufus. Bam-bam-bamda-bam
Kim: Ron, NO!
Ron: Don’t decide yet Kim. All I’m saying is if we had a catchy theme, then we could start charging some claude.
Kim: Claude?
Ron: Monnee! Money! Cash!
Kim: Some things are more important than money Ron.
Ron: Ahh! Just shut me down with noble.
Kim: Wade. Keep me posted on Hindrick. Probably nothing, but just in case.
Wade: You got it Kim. Hang on, we got another hit.
Kim: What’s the sitch?
Wade: Professor Dementor stole a computer disc containing top secret hyper-technology.
Ron: Hmm… that’s a bad sitch.
Wade: Looks like he set up a stronghold on a remote island in the south Pacific.
Kim: We’re there.
Ron: No, we need a ride.
Kim: No big Ron. We always get a ride. Wade, who do we have?
Wade: Ok, this is unusual. We have three different likely and reliable rides in that region and… and they’re all missing. And now I can’t even reach Bernice.
Kim: So we’ve got two problems. Dementor and the missing rides.
Ron: Well, three problems if you count how do we get a ride to the south pacific to stop Dementor?. True, four problems if you count how do we get a ride to search for the missing rides?
Cruise ship lady: It’s time for shuffleboard on the Lido deck. Who came to play?
Ron: Who came to lose?
Old Lady: Bring it!
Ron: Hey, it’s you!
Old Lady: That’s right!
Kim: Let it go Ron.
Ron: I want that boxed lunch!
Wade: Sorry you had to actually buy tickets for a cruise, but at least I got you in the vicinity of Professor Dementor’s lair. Your jetpacks should have enough range to get you the rest of the way.
Kim: This no ride thing, I don’t like it.
Ron: Well, me neither. These two missions have officially tapped me out. Somebody still owes me a boxed lunch!
Kim: I was referring to our friends that have vanished.
Ron: Yes, ok, that’s bad too.
Kim: Wade, while we foil Dementor, keep searching for our missing rides.
Wade: I’m on it.
Ron: How do you like bam-da-bam-da-bam
Kim: RON! We do not need a theme song.
Ron: Did it occur to you that it gives Team Impossible an edge?
Kim: If they had an edge, which they do not.
Dementor: You three are positively amazing. What gives you your edge?
Kim: Don’t even! This was our mission.
Dash: Key word was. The rightful owners of this disk were getting antsy, so they decided to pay us.
Crash: And in addition to our base fee, we get a completion bonus and a premium for rush service. We’re talking serious claude.
Ron: That’s a big number.
Kim: How big?
Ron: Nacho Royalty big.
Dementor: Could we get on with this? My legs are cramping up.
Dash: Team Impossible does not take orders from villains.
Burn: Rush service premium.
Dash: Team Impossible move out!
Mr. Possible: Hello, is this Zzyssic Accounting? I was wondering if I could get some help with my taxes. Yes, I know it’s tax season, that’s why Look, I’m no rocket scientist, I mean, actually, I am, but hello?
Kim: You ok dad?
Mr. Possible: Too many numbers. How’s your crisis going Kimmie?
Kim: Urgg… just as bad dad. Just as bad.
Mr. Possible: Well, you know where to find me if you need me. I’m not going anywhere. Anywhere! Curse you tax-man!
Kim: I’m getting worried.
Wade: It looks like everyone who has ever given you a ride is now missing.
Kim: everyone?
Wade: Even some before I started running your site. Like some lady with a cat named Tabby.
Kim: Mrs. Mahoney.
Wade: That’s her. Who is she?
Kim: She gave Ron and me a ride to our first mission. The first time we got the call instead of Team Impossible.
Ron: Because of a typo.
Wade: You think Team Impossible is behind the missing persons?
Kim: They tell me to get out of the business. I say no. Suddenly my rides disappear, and I can’t get around the world anymore.
Wade: And by the time you get to a mission, they’re already there.
Ron: Getting paid.
Kim: Ron! This is not about the money.
Ron: It is for Team Impossible.
Kim: Yea. Wade if we made a connection with Team Impossible’s website.
Wade: Could I trace it? Shhyea!
Ron: I don’t think they’re going to take a call from us.
Kim: Not us, a rich guy in trouble.
Ron: Umm, yes, Richie Richardson here and dash it all if I’m not wealthy. I’m in big dangerous expensive trouble and dash it all again if I don’t need overpriced help, mmm rather.
Kim: Ok, that ought to do it.
Wade: We’ll know soon if… Bam! Incoming transmission.
Team Impossible’s Message: Team Impossible is responding to your call, please stay on the line for the next adventure and rescue representative, and have your credit card ready.
Wade: Gotcha!
Computer: Warning, unwanted cyber trace, unwanted cyber trace.
Dash: Set and…
Wade: Spike. Yea?
Kim: We lost you. Everything ok?
Wade: They spiked me. My whole system is fried.
Kim: Everything? Don’t you have firewall thingies?
Wade: Not anymore. Fried! Fried! Like popcorn chicken!
Kim: Wade, I know this is a difficult time for you…
Wade: Fried!!!
Kim: But did you get a location?
Wade: Yea… I’ll… mail it to you
Ron: Snail mail!?
Kim: Wade, just… uhhh… just read it to us.
Ron: When you have the strength.
Kim: Thanks for the lift Mrs. Silver.
Mrs. Silver: Well, it’s the least I could do after I shorted you on the boxed lunch, and wiped the board with you at shuffle board.
Kim: Oh, that’s more than a fair trade. Right, Ron?
Ron: I guess.
Kim: That’s it.
Ron: Wow. Greed pays.
Mrs. Silver: The three nicest boys live there. Do you want me to introduce you?
Kim: Oh, no thanks, we’ll surprise them.
Kim: Ready to hop the wall?
Ron: Any idea what’s on the other side?
Kim: I’m going with guard dogs.
Ron: Yea, see, to me they don’t seem like dog people. I’m going to say robotic sentries.
Kim: Only one way to find out.
Ron: Is that Hindrick and Captain Louise in the hot tub!?
Captain Louise: Hey, there she goes. Ahoy Miss Possible.
Hindrick: Kim, small world.
Ron: If this is what happens when Team Impossible captures you, I’m ready! Capture me!
Bernice: Captured? This is an all expense paid vacation. Grab a fruit cup.
Guy: And no television. No papers. No phones. It is as if the outside world does not exist.
Kim: Oh, this doesn’t make sense.
Dash: Of course it does. If it keeps you stuck in Middleton, it’s worth it.
Burn: Ha, even if the all you can eat buffet, we’re still making a mint.
Dash: As long as we get the missions.
Crash: And you don’t.
Dash: Were we too subtle? The cheerleader saves the world thing has gotten tedious. Its over. Forever!
Dash: Bring
Crash: It
Burn: On!
Kim: Oh, we’re ready. Right Ron?
Ron: Uhh, yea, uhh, umm, define ready.
Kim: You’re prepared to not get in the way.
Ron: Oh, yea, ready. Oh these guys are weak.
Rufus: Oh yea.
Dash: Excuse me?
Ron: Good work. You rule old school.
Dash: I thought you were supposed to be some master of monkey kung-fu.
Ron: You know, it’s funny. It comes and goes.
Kim: Hey Dash. I’m waiting.
Dash: I wish there was another way.
Ron: Really?
Dash: No. I’m told we should always say that for legal reasons.
Burn: It shields us from liability.
Kim: I think you need to worry about shielding yourself from me.
Dash: So be it.
Ron: Dude, you are so over.
Dash: I can take her.
Ron: No.
Rufus: Sorry.
Dash: Do you know what I’m capable of?
Ron: I’ve got a general idea.
Dash: And?
Ron: Dude, you are so over.
Dash: Let’s just see about that.
Wade: Nobody. Nobody spikes my system.
Kim: Wade?!
Ron: Wade!? In person? Dude, now you are so over. I don’t even want to stand near you. Wow. You have really perfected the holo-Wade.
Wade: It’s really me Ron.
Ron: Yea right. If it were really you, I couldn’t do this.
Dash: Team Impossible is the world’s greatest team of high danger operatives. We will not be intimated by children.
Ron: You’re not helping yourself.
Dash: I’m so not afraid.
Ron: You should be.
Wade: Remember Kim’s first mission?
Kim: Ron, get over here. Quickly.
Dash: It was supposed to be our mission. What else do I need to know?
Wade: Does the McHenry laser grid ring a bell?
Crash: Yea, it cost Paisley a fortune.
Burn: So we had to have one too.
Dash: Nothing but the best for Team Impossible.
Wade: Whops. Look familiar?
Kim: You rock even more in person wade.
Ron: Somehow I thought you’d be shorter.
Crash: Danger has been our closest friend but I’m not liking this.
Burn: Nah, it’s easy enough to disable.
Dash: Just hit that red button.
Wade: One bad twitch and you’ll know what my fried system feels like.
Ron: Ok, maybe he shouldn’t have left his room.
Crash: What are you doing?
Burn: Nobody could get that.
Dash: It’s impossible.
Kim: Nah, for you maybe. For me, well, we’ll see.
Dash: It was actually possible that Team Impossible?
Crash: Could have been fried
Burn: That would have impacted our earning potential.
Kim: Cheerleader saves the world thing doesn’t look so bad now, does it?
Wade: Guys, you need to get wise.
Ron: I think I know how to work this out. Gentlemen, this is the Naco.
Dash: It looks like a taco in some nachos.
Crash: All smashed together.
Burn: Mmmm.
Kim: So, do we have an understanding?
Dash: Well, if by that you mean are we going to quit charging money to help people and join global justice as you suggested. Hard to say.
Wade: Uhh, guys.
Crash: Uhoh.
Burn: You don’t have this place wired.
Ron: Trust me on this, Wade has the world wired.
Dash: Team Impossible is now non-profit.
Burn: Which actually has some tax advantages.
Kim: I’m proud of you guys.
Ron: So with Team Impossible out of the picture…
Kim: No, we will not start charging money for our missions.
Ron: Ok, but just let me…
Kim: Ohh, go ahead. Dad.
Mr. Possible: Kimmie? Are you there? I can’t see anything but numbers! Oh.
Kim: Help has arrived, Dad.
Mr. Possible: Umm? Who’s the big guy?
Kim: Burn Burnmen. Certified Public Accountant.
Mr. Possible: And my hero.
Kim: Well, it’s a start



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