Showdown at the Crooked D

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By Wallaceb
Ron: Ah.
Kim: So, Ron. You're just gonna chill all summer?
Ron: "Chillin'", as you put it, is for amateurs Kim. I'm marinating.
** Kim:** Marinating?
Ron: Marinating: Relaxation for the professional.
Mr. Dr P: Ready to roll, Kimmie?
Ron: Roll? No one said anything about rolling.
** Kim:** Road trip to visit my Uncle Slim.
Ron: Okay. I'll be here when you get back.
** Kim:** In Montana.
Ron: Montana? Okay. I'll be here when you get back.
Mr. Dr P: Long time since we visited the old Lazy C Ranch.
Ron: Lazy? I'm simpatico with lazy.
** Kim:** Well, my Mom has to work. You wanna come with?
Ron: Let me consult my marination advisor. Up for Montana, buddy?
Rufus: Yee-haw!
Ron: Okay, let's get lazy.
Mr. Dr P: Here you go, Ronald. Toss these in the car.
Ron: This does not bode well for the Ron-ster.
Shego: Bill, bill, bill... What is this?
Drakken: That's for me. Dear Mr. Drakken... It's Dr. Drakken, you dolts! Thank you for your application... Blast! Rejected again!
Drakken: Shego!
Shego: "Cerebellum Ultra-Smart Super Genius Thinking Society?" Are you kidding me?
Drakken: Give it!
Shego: Whoa, whoa... and they won't let you join?
Drakken: No, and it vexes me to the bone! They have fun singles mixers, and fabulous cruises to nowhere, and their newsletter has the most fiendishly clever word jumbles.
Shego: Oh, come on. Why do you want to join some super dorky club?
Drakken: To prove that I'm brillianter than a lot of them!
Shego: "Brillianter"?
Drakken: Most smartest. Whatever. I'm a scientific genius, not a englist.
Shego: "Linguist".
Drakken: Stop that! I need to invent something so brilliant, so irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful...
Shego: So close.
Drakken: ...that no one can deny me my place at the head of the genius table.
Shego: If you sat at the doofus table, you'd have a lock.
Drakken: Doofus table, I'll give you... Shego! Wait! That's it!
Shego: What's it?
Drakken: Ow! The answer is not to build myself up, it's to knock the competition down.
Shego: Boop, boop, boop. Stupid idea alert.
Drakken: Precisely, Shego.
Mr. Dr P: Okay kids, we’re here.
Ron: The Lazy C. The lazy me should fit right in.
Rufus: Oh, yeah!
** Kim:** Ron, Uncle Slim's ranch is a working ranch.
Ron: What? I thought it was a dude ranch. For dudes, like me.
Jim: Giddyap, dad!
Tim: We wanna start ropin' 'n ridin'!
Slim: Hey, Squirt!
Mr. Dr P: Come on, Slim. Don't call me that in front of the kids.
Tweebs: Squirt!
Slim: Where's my favorite sister-in-law?
Mr. Dr P: She got stuck working double shift at the hospital, so we brought Ronald instead.
Ron: Howdy, partner.
Rufus: Howdy!
Slim: How'd your prairie dog lose its hair?
Rufus: Hmmph!
Slim: Feisty little fella.
** Kim:** Where's Joss? She e-mailed me right before the trip about some big surprise.
Slim: Well, Joss is going through a phase.
Mr. Dr P: What kind of phase?
Slim: She's got herself a hero that she absolutely idolizes.
Mr. Dr P: Ah, It's great to have heroes. For me, it was Vlad Lukovic, of Hydraulic Servo-Actuator fame. Man, Could that guy build spacecraft! Used to write to him when I was Joss's age. Never wrote back. So, who's Joss's Vlad Lukovic?
Joss: I can do anything!
Slim: Your daughter.
Joss: 'Cause I'm just like you, Kim.
** Kim:** Ah... wow!
Ron: Oh, yeah! Can I mosey or what? Ahh!
Jim: Are you afraid of horses?
Ron: Me, afraid? Yes.
Tim: It's not a real horse, it's just a robot.
** Kim:** That's the kind of horse he fears most of all.
Ron: It was ten years ago, out in front of Smarty Mart. I lost two baby teeth that day. Changes a guy.
** Kim:** Ron, you gotta get past this.
Joss: Yeah, just be like Kim. She's not afraid of nothin'.
Ron: Kid, if being like Kim was that easy, I would a done it a long time ago.
Joss: You can try.
Ron: Fine. Nice robot horse... Nice robot...
Slim: Sorry about that. Old Tornado still has some glitches in his get-along.
Mr. Dr P: Outstanding work, Slim. Is he cybertronic?
Slim: Yep. Runs on a solar-powered self-perpetuating power core.
Ron: Mmm-hmm. Ya know, that's exactly what I said to Rufus. Right?
Rufus: Oh, yeah.
Slim: Hey Squirt, you wanna hit the general store with me? Gotta get some supplies.
Mr. Dr P: Sure. You boys behave while I'm gone.
Tim: Whatever you say...
Jim: Squirt.
Mr. Dr P: Kimmie, you're in charge.
** Kim:** Okay, dad.
Joss: Come on, I got all kinds of stuff I wanna show ya.
** Kim:** Uh, cool.
Slim: Where'd they move those habaneras to?
Mr. Dr P: If you fixin' to rustle us up some of your five-alarm chow, I'm gonna be one happy camper!
Slim: Ain't no "campers" out in these parts.
Mr. Dr P: Oh, right. Buckaroos.
Slim: Squirt, you're the best brother a fella could have, but you are a tinhorn, bad as the other fellas they been bringin' in.
Mr. Dr P: What fellas?
Ramesh: Possible?
Mr. Dr P: Ramesh!
Ramesh: I was wondering when we'd see your sorry self here. Of course, I'm being jocular when I say "sorry self."
Mr. Dr P: Gotcha. This is my big brother, Slim Possible.
Slim: Howdy.
Mr. Dr P: Hold up there, Ramesh. Why did you expect me?
Ramesh: The Wild West Science Fest. Are you padres ready?
Mr. Dr P: Uh, I'm in the dark here.
Slim: Some meeting of the minds they're havin' at the Crooked D.
Ramesh: Only the greatest scientific minds around the world were invited.
Mr. Dr P: And I wasn't invited.
Ramesh: Ooh... my bad. Well, we better be getting back to the other super geniuses. Um, toodles.
Slim: What happened to Squirt, the happy camper?
Mr. Dr P: Oh, it's no big deal. I'd rather spend time with you than a bunch of tinhorns, really.
Ramesh: Yee-haw!
Mr. Dr P: Just wish I knew why I didn't make the cut.
Drakken: Are they all here?
Shego: Yes, all the poindexters on your list are here. So, now what?
Drakken: Prepare yourself, Shego. For soon, these so-called geniuses will be yesterday's news. I, Dr. Drakken, will be the most brilliant scientific mind on the planet!
Shego: Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and put this plan in the failed column right now.
** Kim:** Joss, I don't know what to say.
Ron: Er the word "obsession" comes to mind.
Joss: Isn't it spankin'?
** Kim:** Totally. I'm... I'm flattered.
Ron: You're a little light on the sidekick here Joss.
Joss: I'd say Wade is a lot more than a sidekick, mister! He runs Kim's website, builds all them gadgets, he keeps the whole operation running!
Ron: I'm talking about me.
Joss: Who?
Ron: The sidekick.
Joss: Huh?
Ron: Usually acts in a support/distraction role?
Joss: Not ringing any bells.
Ron: Ron Stoppable?
Joss: Never heard of ya. But you must be proud to be a friend of my cousin's.
Ron: Oh, you probably don't recognize me without my trusty naked mole rat!
Rufus: Ta-da!
Joss: Rufus!
Ron: Now it's coming back to ya.
Joss: I know everything about every one of Kim's adventures, so I know how many times you saved the day!
Ron: And I'm always right there. The guy with the pocket that Rufus comes out of.
Joss: Oh, yeah. You're the one who's always losin' his drawers.
Ron: Oh, come on, it's only been six or eight times.
Slim: Sent a little bird up a couple years ago, so I got an eye on the whole spread.
Mr. Dr P: Oh, satellite, huh? So I guess you could take a look at the eh...
Slim: The Crooked D?
Mr. Dr P: Yeah, where the tinhorn brainiacs are.
Slim: You know, Squirt, I'm pretty handy with the cutting-edge tech myself, but I'm nowhere near as smart as you.
Mr. Dr P: Oh, now, Slim... I'm, I’m not that smart.
Slim: 'Course you are, and you know it. Doesn't matter who else knows it.
Mr. Dr P: I'd just like to know who put together the guest list.
Drakken: Ladies and gentlemen! You may now put on your hats and become official buckaroos and buckarettes!
Ramesh: Yippie ki-yay! My own ten-liter hat. I am most eager to rope 'em up and ride 'em out! The farmer in the dell. The farmer in the dellHi, ho, the dairy-oh The farmer in the dell. I love these cowboy songs!
Shego: Wow. They're acting so... so…
Drakken: Silly?
Shego: Not the word I would use, but Ok.
Drakken: It's because they're wearing my new invention: The silly hat. Anyone who wears one of these hats will act as silly as...
Shego: Your outfit?
Drakken: I happen to feel muy macho, thank you very much. Anyway, with the world's most brilliant people incapacitated...
Shego: You start looking pretty smart.
Drakken: I will be the greatest mind on the planet, because the rest will be reduced to babbling buffoons!
Kim: Well, I hate to brag, but it was pretty exciting, that time Drakken had a giant laser drill.
Joss: In the world's largest cheese wheel, which was not a cheese- covered building, it was really made of cheese!
Kim: Yeah. That time. You know all about the mission, huh?
Ron: Hey! Here I am! See, when we busted Duff Killigan in Tokyo, that's me in the background there, see?
Rufus: No. Sorry.
Ron: Wha...? Oh, you're right. It's a Japanese schoolgirl.
Kim: Here's one I don't usually talk about but, since you're a fan, there was a top secret thing called the Centurion Project...
Joss: Which Drakken and Killigan wanted, but got stuck on you, and whenever you lied the Centurion battle armor grew and spread all over your body. Boy, howdy! I bet that's a Halloween nobody in Middleton will ever forget!
Ron: Was that Halloween? I thought it was a big groundhog day's adventure?
Kim: How about when Shego...
Joss: Tutored Senor Senior, Jr. How to be a bad guy.
Kim: Or when Drakken...
Joss: Stole a weather machine.
Kim: Ah, you know what? Let's forget about me for a minute. Let's talk about you.
Joss: Sure!
Kim: What are you into?
Joss: You.
Kim: Okay...
Ron: I'll mosey somewhere else.
Rufus: Later!
Kim: Let's go outside and do something.
Joss: You got it!
Kim: Here's an idea. Why don't you decide what we do?
Joss: I have got a great idea!
Kim: Excellent. What do you wanna do?
Joss: Whatever you wanna do.
Kim: Oh…
Mr. Dr P: Just a few adjustments to the satellite surveillance system... And...
Ron: Whatcha doin', Mr. Dr. P?
Mr. Dr P: Not spying on the wild west science fest. I can tell you.
Ron: Hey, isn't that your pal, Professor Ramesh?
Mr. Dr P: It is.
Ron: That's one strange square dance.
Mr. Dr P: Bet it's a square root dance.
Ron: Which is... what?
Mr. Dr P: I don't know, but it's the sort of thing the smartest people in the world would do. I don't care if I wasn't invited, I'm going over to the Crooked D.
Ron: Count me in. It's gotta be better than hanging out with the Never Heard of Ron fan club.
Joss: I mean, I know Dr. Drakken is your arch foe, but it seems to me Shego's the really dangerous one. I mean, if she put her mind to do it, she could be the toughest villain out there, don't you think? Kim? Kim? Kim!!!
Kim: Wade?
Wade: Hey, Kim.
Kim: Please tell me that someone somewhere needs me to do something.
Wade: What's the static?
Kim: My little cousin is my number one fan.
Wade: Aww, how sweet!
Kim: Well, at first, but I can't take it anymore. She won't leave me alone.
Wade: That's the price of fame. You won't believe what it's like for me when I go the computer store.
Joss: I wonder where she could got to.
Kim: I'm serious, Wade. She's so gotta get a life. Preferably, her own.
Kim: Oh, no!
Wade: She heard you?
Kim: She so heard me.
Mr. Dr P: Something's not right. They're acting like a bunch of goofs.
Ron: Dr. P, sometimes you gotta let your hair down and get loose! You know what, maybe some boundaries are being crossed here.
Mr. Dr P: What is wrong with you, man?
Henchman#1: What's going on down there?
Henchman#2: Looks like trouble. Better report it fast.
Henchman#1: Hombre 1 to Drakken. We have varmints.
Drakken: We have what? Varmints? What is a varmint? Shego, here, you speak hombre.
Shego: Give me that. Howdy, hombre. What in tarnation is a'goin' on? ...Looks like we got us some varmints.
Drakken: What does that mean?!
Kim: Hey, um... I'm sorry. I mean, it was so nice that you picked me to be your hero, and I end up being a total jerk.
Joss: It's not your fault.
Kim: It is. It really is. I mean, you're...
Joss: Just a nobody, stuck here in the middle of nowhere.
Kim: Joss, I was just a nobody. I mean, not a nobody. Nobody's a "nobody." Everybody's somebody, right?
Joss: Is this supposed to make me feel better?
Kim: I'm just a regular person. I'm into cheerleading, and boys... sometimes, you know, regular stuff.
Joss: You do incredible stuff. You save the world!
Kim: Joss, I'm just, you know, me. That's all I ever try to be. And it turned out that sometimes being me is enough to save the world.
Joss: Yeah! And that's why being you is so cool!
Kim: Try being you. It'll be even cooler.
Joss: Doubt it.
Slim: Kim! You best get down here.
Both: What's the sitch?
Joss: Oops. Sorry.
Kim: No big.
Kim: Ron and dad?
Joss: Captured by Shego! That means your arch foe is next door. Spankin'!
Kim: Joss, it is not spankin'. It's serious.
Joss: But nothing ever happens 'round here. This is major!
Kim: That's what I'm afraid of.
Drakken: So, we've got a new team here. The genius and the lack-wit.
Ron: Don't let him call you a lack-wit!
Mr. Dr P: Whatever your evil scheme is, Lipsky, it won't work.
Drakken: A-ha, but it already has. And all prisoners will refer to me as Dr. Drakken.
Mr. Dr P: You'll always just be Drew Lipsky, the science student who couldn't make the grade.
Drakken: I will now. You see, Possible, I've adjusted the curve.
Mr. Dr P: You gathered the greatest minds on the planet here, so you could alter their intelligence and make yourself seem smarter.
Ron: A-ha! How's he doing that?
Drakken: That's for me to know and you to find out.
Mr. Dr P: It's obviously those cowboy hats. They probably contain some hidden circuitry that alters brain wave efficacy.
Drakken: You Possible’s take the fun out of everything!
Shego: It runs in the family. There's a Possible posse heading into town!
Slim: Looks like they're expecting us. That's a passel of hombres.
Joss: Do we take 'em?
Kim: Gotta remember, Joss.
Tweebs: Anything's possible for a Possible!
Kim: Let's ride.
Jim: Hicka-bicka-boo?
Tim: Hy-Hoo-sha!
Slim: You know what's nice about robot horses, partner? Magna-hooves.
Shego: Yah!
Henchmen: Oof!
Kim: Hang on, Joss. I'll bust out Dad and Ron.
Joss: So not the drama. Ooh!
Shego: Thanks, kid. Couldn't have done it better myself.
Joss: This is all my fault.
Slim: Well, l'il darlin', now you can't just go imitatin' everything you see cousin Kim doing.
Mr. Dr P: Don't blame yourself, Joss. It's my fault for being such a nosey parker.
Kim: Dad...
Ron: Kim, the man's a nosey parker.
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Fear not. We've got this escape in the pocket.
Rufus: Gotcha!
Ron: Rufus. Kangaroo rat!
Joss: He did it!
Drakken: You actually fell for the whole "key near the cell door" ruse? And you're not even wearing the silly hats!
Ron: Good hustle anyway, buddy.
Mr. Dr P: I just want to know one thing about your evil plan, Lipsky.
Drakken: Well, I do like to gloat about the nuances of my schemes. Fire away.
Mr. Dr P: If you gathered the greatest minds on the planet, why did you leave me out?
Drakken: Because you're a Possible! You people are such pests!
Slim: Yep.
Drakken: What was that?
Slim: What?
Drakken: That "boop boop."
Slim: Oh, that. Twern't nothing. That was just me activating Old Tornado.
Drakken: Is that all? Well, never mind, then. Wait. Who is "Old Tornado"?
Mr. Dr P: That's my big brother.
Drakken: Good horsy! What's he doing?
Ron: See? The little pony outside Smarty Mart could never do that.
Slim: Yep. Old Tornado is one of a kind.
Kim: Come on. Let's get Drakken.
Shego: Oh, I'll take that.
Kim: Hang on, Ron.
Ron: Little horsy, come back!
Shego: This is good time fun.
Kim: Give me the remote, Shego.
Shego: I don't think so. And if you come any closer, your sidekick get bucked into the next county.
Mr. Dr P: Can we do anything?
Slim: No.
Mr. Dr P: Afraid of that.
Tweebs: Now!
Shego: What?!
Tim: No fair.
Shego: Hiya! Ah ah ah.
Kim: Oh, no.
Kim: That's original.
Ron: That was bad-dical!
Joss: Thanks. Just doin' the Joss thing.
Ron: Whoa, whoa! Huh?
Shego: Huh?
Kim: I'll take that.
Ron: What did you say to it?
Joss: Oh, nothin'. I just knew there was an off switch back here.
Kim: See? I couldn't have done that.
Shego: Dr. D., I'd say it's about time to vamoose.
Drakken: We need something big to cover our escape. I've got it! Stampede! No, seriously, fellas. A stampede would be very helpful here.
Shego: Allow me.
Slim: Hmm.. that they're just dang weird.
Kim: Dad!
Ramesh: Possible? What's this all about?
Mr. Dr P: Silly hats.
Slim: Well, Squirt, did you work up an appetite?
Mr. Dr P: Yes, I am hankerin' forsome grub, I'll tell you what.
Slim: Maybe you're not such a tinhorn after all.
Kim: Hey, where's Joss?
Jim: Haven't seen her for a while.
Tim: Me, neither.
Mr. Dr P: She was bending Ronald's ear about something.
Kim: Are you guys ready to eat?
Kim: Oh, boy.
Joss: Kim, I just figured out who the real hero is around here.
Kim: Ron?
Joss: Totally.
Ron: It's hard to argue.
Joss: Ron here is afraid of practically everything, but does he let his fears keep him from sidekickin'?
Ron: I do not.
Rufus: Atta boy!
Joss: Let's face it, Kim. You can do anything. So facing all those dangers and villains, well, it's just like you say. No big.
Kim: Well... I guess.
Joss: A fella filled with that much fear always chargin' into action with you? Seems to me that's a true hero.
Ron: I can tell she's a Possible. Smart as a whip, this kid.



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