Rufus in Show

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By wallaceb
Guard#1: The Kimber Diamond...
Guard#2: It's gone!
Ron: How much does a piece of ice like that go for?
Curator: The Kimber Diamond is the most flawless gem in the world! Its value is beyond any estimation.
Ron: I'm gonna throw out a number... 250 bucks!
Curator: Sir, I really don't think...
Ron: 275? Am I getting warmer?
Kim: Cool!
Curator: What is it?
Wade: Hair. Canine hair. But not just any dog. This follicle comes from a Lithuanian wolfhound, one of the rarest breeds on earth.
Ron: And what would these dogs want with a diamond?
Kim: Why don't we focus on the person who owns the dog, Ron?
Ron: That's just what the dog burglar wants you to do!
Wade: Got it! Falsetto Jones. The only breeder of Lithuanian wolfhounds in the world. He's rich, refined and possibly the world's greatest thief. Falsetto is the number one suspect in a lot of big time robberies but they can never pin anything on it.
Kim: So, he no ordinary cat burglar.
Ron: Dog burglar! Come on, Kim; get your head in the game.
Wade: Bad news, his estate is crawling with security. No weak spots. Good news, tomorrow night Falsetto hosts his annual open dog show.
Ron: So, all we need to get inside...
Kim: Is a show dog.
Francois: Yes! My Gigi has a tres sensitive tummy, mais non? Now, you must remember to feed her only two-part champion gourmet wet food, one-part champion gourmet dry food avec a sprinkle of truffle, yes?
Kim: Two parts wet, one part dry, sprinkle of truffles. Got it.
Kim: Two parts wet, one part dry. Two parts wet, one part dry. A sprinkle of... Ron! No! No, Gigi, bad!
Ron: Relax, KP. There's plenty of mucho cayentcheeseese.
Kim: Ron, what were you thinking? Feeding Bueno Nacho to a champion show dog!
Ron: Ah! Rufus downs this stuff all the time, he's cool.
Rufus: Eugh!
Kim: Newsflash, Ron! Rufus is a rat, not a champion show dog.
Rufus: Puh!
Kim: Look, Gigi is in no condition to enter a dog show and we land in 15. Any ideas?
Rufus: Huh?
Ron: Alright, we're gonna pull this off, you're gonna have to look dog, act dog and think dog. Got it?
Rufus: Woof!
Ron: OK. Now, do as I do. OK... sit.
Rufus: Thanks.
Ron: Ruff.
Rufus: Woof!
Ron: Ru-uu-ff!
Rufus: Ruff.
Ron: Ruff-ruff-ruff! Er...
Judge: I'm sorry, what breed did you say this was?
Kim: Erm, a Peruvian...
Ron: Hairless!
Rufus: Huh?!
Judge: I'm still not seeing anything in official...
Ron: Maybe you should consult with my friend Mr. Lincoln; see if he can improve your eyesight a bit, if you, you know, catch my drift.
Kim: Ron, this is a prestigious international competition.
Ron: And I'm speaking the prestigious language of cold, hard cash.
Kim: Five dollars is hardly...
Judge: Ah! Yes! Here it is. A Hairless Peruvian. Very good.
Kim: There he is. Falsetto Jones.
Ron: Why do you think he's called Falsetto?
Falsetto: Welcome, humans and canines alike, to my annual dog show!
Kim: Freak helium accident!
Ron: Ouch!
Kim: I need time to infiltrate the main house. Try to keep a low profile.
Ron: You got it. Low pro.
Rufus: Check!
Ron: Good dog!
Kim: I'm liking the stealth suit, Wade.
Wade: Knew you would, Kim.
Kim: And the pond is filled with... Don't tell me, sharks, crocs?
Wade: Electric eels, actually.
Kim: The bad villain puns just write themselves. Shocking, isn't it?!
Speaker #1:: And now the toy group is been led on to the floor by their handlers.
Speaker #2:: Eugh! What is that entering that looks like a bald rodent?
Speaker #1:: I'm told that's a Peruvian Hairless. Very rare. It's quite exciting to have one in the show.
Speaker #2:: Well, let's see how the judges like him.
Rufus: Hey!
Ron: Ha...! You gotta admire that kind of spirit in such a small dog. Of course, there's a time for spirit and a time for laying low!
Kim: I'm in.
Speaker #1:: Let's see who it will be. This judge is taking his time, clearly a tough decision.
Speaker #1:: And it's the Peruvian Hairless taking the toy group.
Ron: Hey!
Speaker #2:: And in his first show ever, huh? It's quite an upset. And he'll move on to the finals.
Ron: Who's the dog?!
Rufus: Who-hoo!
Kim: If I were a flawless diamond, where would I hide?!
Wade: Blueprint shows some kind of vault deep under the house.
Kim: On my way. I...
Falsetto: Ooh, that?s quite an animal you have there, Mr...
Ron: The name's Van Foker Dumple ...stein. Doctor Van Foker Dumple ...stein, actually.
Falsetto: In all my years of hosting this show I've never seen anything quite like him.
Ron: Well as I'm sure you know, the groovy Hairless...
Falsetto: Peruvian Hairless.
Ron: Yes, he's practically one of a kind.
Falsetto: I feel compelled to ask you a question, Doctor Foker Dumple ...stein.
Ron: Fire away.
Falsetto: Can I have an autograph?
Ron: Hey, sure, anything for a fan.
Falsetto: Not you?re autograph. His.
Rufus: Ha! Mine!
Kim: And Bingo was his name-o! Hello, beautiful!
Ron: Sorry, KP. The low-profile thing didn't exactly work out.
Falsetto: He's a naked mole rat, purchased at the Middleton Smarty Mart by Mr. Ron Stoppable, sidekick to teen hero Kim Possible. I ran a check on his autograph. Feed that useless rat to my beloved wolfhounds. I have a special treat planned for you two. I think you'll find this quite shocking.
Kim: Called that one.
Bodyguard: He's getting away!
Speaker #1:: The finalists are on the floor, except for the Peruvian Hairless.
Speaker #2:: Wait! There he is now!
Rufus: Come and get it!
Speaker #1:: And it appears we have pandemonium on the floor.
Kim: Um, aren't you going to leave now?
Falsetto: Leave? What do you mean?
Ron: Usually the bad guy says his lame pun and walks out. You know, leaving us to our doom.
Falsetto: But then I'd miss the whole thing. Where's the fun in that? I'm not going anywhere.
Kim: OK. But I feel I must warn you that you really breaking a super villain tradition here.
Rufus: Whoa!
Kim and Ron: Ahhhhhhhh!
Falsetto: Hey! Ooh! Hoo! Stop! That really ...really tickles! Get them!
Rufus: Hi.
Falsetto: Show's over, Kim Possible.
Kim: It's so not. Jump!
Ron: OK, you can hit the button for the parachute anytime now!
Kim: Sorry, no parachute.
Ron: No parachute?!
Kim: Hit it, Sam.
Ron: The Peruvian Hairless saves the day.
Kim: Rufus is definitely best in show.