Ron Millionaire

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By wallaceb
Guy: Here's your change. Have a muy bueno day.
Kim: Right back at ya.
Ron: Ok, Rufus, it all comes down to this chimarito or naco? We must choose wisely.
Bonnie: Oh, come on!
Ron: Chimarito, delicity and nutricity.
Rufus: Mmm-hmm.
Bonnie: This century, please.
Ron: One must also consider the explosive effects of a beanie chimarito.
Kim: Please! For my nose's sake.
Rufus: Peew.
Ron: Very good, then. I'll have one naco, mi amigo.
Bonnie: About time.
Guy: Would you like to grande size?
Rufus: Grande! Grande!
Ron: Sorry, Rufus, no can do. Not in this quarter's fiscal budget.
Kim: What is in this quarter's fiscal budget?
Ron: At this point, a quarter.
Bonnie: Loser.
Ron: Hey, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I could have grande-sized!
Ned: Stoppable, I've been meaning to give you this. It's from the boys in corporate.
Kim: Naco royalties check?
Ron: Ah, the naco... my wondrous and historic creation for Bueno Nacho, corp. Part nacho, part taco, all delicious. Possible, come here. I need you.
Kim: Oh, Ronald, it is wonderment. It will change the world.
Ron: Yes. Yes, it shall.
Kim: That's the way you remember it?
Ron: Pretty much.
Bonnie: Can I order now, please?!
Kim: Un memento, por favor. Open the envelope, Ron. Maybe the check?s big enough for you to grande size.
Ron: I-it's for n-n-na... Nine...
Kim and ]Bonnie: Ninety-nine million dollars?!
Bonnie: Ron Stoppable, you are such a hottie.
Ron: Are you saying that because I'm rich?
Bonnie: Uh-huh.
Ron: Cool! So many zeros...
Rufus: Ooooh...
Kim: A nickel for every naco sold.
Ron: I never knew there could be so many zeros.
Kim: Wow, hey, think of all the good you can do with this.
Ron: And the commas look at all the commas!
Kim: Ron! Don't unspool the drool.
Ron: Sorry, KP, it's just... This is a lot of green.
Kim: I know, and even though I should be really happy for you, Ron, I'm worried. You know, money can't buy happiness, right?
Ron: Are you sure, KP? I mean, have you seen all these zeros? Oh, OK. I get it. You think this is gonna be one of those times when I suddenly turn into some out-of-control guy and go way overboard with the whole money thing.
Kim: Well, yeah.
Ron: Kim, I swear, this money will not change me.
Rufus: Oh, yeah.
Ron: Yo, yo, the Ron's got mad grip. Spend it all in one place, G.
Kim: This is way worse than when he got the foocoo haircut.
Wade: Ron's lost it much faster than usual. So maybe he'll snap out of it faster, too.
Kim: He's calling himself "the Ron".
Wade: Or maybe he's lost to us forever.
Bonnie: You-hoo, hotness!
Guard: Hands off the Ron.
Ron: It's ok, dude. She's in the circle.
Bonnie: Remember how I've been mean and abusive to you since like junior high? Well, you know I was playing hard-to-get, right?
Ron: Baby, the Ron knew. The Ron knew.
Kim: Ron, what are you doing, handing out money to everyone that walks by?
Ron: Oh, sorry, Kim. Here, get yourself something nice.
Kim: The Ron will get on the nerves.
Drakken: Money! Nucer! Bread! Dinero! Scratch! Do-re-mi! It's the bane of my existence.
Shego: I'm sorry. What's the problem, Dr. D?
Drakken: Operation catastrophic doom has run into massive cost overruns. I have no choice but to resort to drastic measures. Attention, this year's evil family picnic has
been cancelled.
Henchman: No three-legged race?
Shego: Fine by me. You and the pie-eating contest not pretty.
Drakken: Five time champ, Shego! In your face.
Shego: Actually, in your face. I think you still have little blueberry smuts right there. No, right there.
Drakken: That my skin, wiseacre!
Shego: Wow! That's a lot of red. Maybe operation catastrophic doom should be scaled back? I mean, it is kinda complicated.
Drakken: Complicated? It's simplicity itself. First, we fire a super laser at the moon. The laser reflects off a network of mirrors precisely positioned to warm the earth oceans naturally. This will increase humidity, foster the growth of the mosquito populous. Thus ends phase A. Now, in phase B...
Shego: Na, na, na. If I can get this plan on track, will you shut up? What do you need?
Drakken: A very large diamond.
Shego: Done. I know exactly where to steal one.
Kim: "Jimmy Ding, the Bling Bling King"? I can't believe I just said that with a straight face.
Ron: Don't dis the Bling Bling king.
Bonnie: He's the only jeweler who caters to people of the Ron's echelon.
Ron: Right. The Ron needs to let people know I'm a man of wealth and taste.
Kim: And this gold-plated stretch limo doesn?t send that message?
Rufus: Wheee!
Jimmy: So, you are the Ron? Sir, it is an honor, or should I say Ronner?
Ron: You should.
Jimmy: The Ron, today I have for you a piece so alluring, so enticing, so dynamic, that only a man of your wealth...
Ron: Can appreciate it?
Jimmy: ...can afford it. A 34 carat, sapphire studded toe ring. Appreciate the quality of those baguettes.
Ron: Yes, I dig the baguettes! Which are what?
Kim: Ron, it's $45,000.
Jimmy: Before tax.
Bonnie: It's the Ron's money, Kim. He can do what he wants with it.
Ron: No, Kim's got a point.
Kim: Thank you.
Ron: Jimmy I can't buy this. I'm goona need something much more obscenely expensive.
Rufus: Oh, yeah.
Jimmy: I see. You know, I knew from the moment you stepped into my establishment, you were a man who would not, could not settle for second-best.
Ron: I used to settle for last place, but money changes everything. You should get that checked Kim. The Ron can't afford to get sick.
Jimmy: The Ron, it is now clear to Jimmy Ding that you have destiny.
Ron: Um, not yet, but I think I'm bidding on one.
Jimmy: Your destiny is to wear this 200 carat diamond pinky ring.
Bonnie: That diamond... It's as big as my fist.
Ron: It is my destiny. My pinky was born for this.
Rufus: Boo-yah!
Kim: Mr. Ding... Bling... King? How much does it cost?
Jimmy: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Kim: I can't.
Jimmy: Well then, asking the price, it's a paltry 12.8 million dollars.
Ron: A bargain for a destiny.
Kim: Hit pause, Ron. There are so many other things you could buy less tacky things, like Denver.
Ron: You don't like it, Kim? OK, show of hands, who digs the rock?
All: Yeah. I think it's cool.
Kim: Wow. Um, Bonnie, you didn't raise your hand. You agree with me?
Bonnie: Let me get back to you. Can I get a ruby belt buckle?
Ron: You can if I'm buying, baby.
Bonnie: Can't argue with destiny.
Jimmy: So, you ready to buy?
Ron: How can I not? At 12.8 million, it's a steal.
Drakken: No, when you steal it, it's a steal.
Jimmy: Gentlemen and beautiful lady friends, please, Jimmy Ding the Bling Bling King has more than enough ice to keep the situation cool.
Kim: Sorry, Mr. Ding, they're evil.
Drakken: Oh, just because I do bad things, that makes me evil?
Kim: Yeah, you're a villain.
Drakken: Oh you teenagers think you have it all figured out. Sometimes, there are shades of grey.
Kim: Not in this case.
Drakken: No, but I'm just saying... Shego!
Shego: I'm on it.
Ron: Don't worry, KP, I got your back. Oh!
Shego: What's with the posse?
Ron: Ron's rich.
Shego: Define rich.
Kim: Just south of billionaire.
Shego: Really? Maybe I'm on the wrong side.
Kim: Yeah... of my foot!
Ron: Come on. Lift with your knees, not your back. Drakken. Ooof!
Drakken: Hmmmm. Yes, this will do nicely.
Ron: Hey, that belongs on my pinky. It's destiny.
Drakken: Shego, let's jet.
Shego: Fire it up!
Kim: Clumsy much?
Ron: Chill. Chill. The Ron is alright.
Bonnie: Yea what about the money?
Ron: A little beat up, but still spendable.
Bonnie: You had me so scared for a minute.
Drakken: The final piece of the puzzle. Operation catastrophic doom is upon us. All I need to do is put the focusing diamond in? my laser. Stupid diamond must be metric.
Henchman: Try turning it.
Drakken: I am turning it! It doesn't fit! My diamond doesn't fit in my laser! Do you understand?
Shego: So, build a new laser.
Drakken: Oh that's right, Shego. 'Cause money grows on trees! Shut that door I'm not paying to heat the outdoors!
Shego: Can't afford to build a new laser?
Drakken: Well, I could if you lend me the cash. Say a million or...
Shego: Forget it!
Drakken: Oh, come on, Shego. I'll let you rule Greenland. Think about it. That's a lot of land.
Shego: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, Greenland's the icy one.
Drakken: You knew that?
Shego: I want Iceland.
Drakken: The green one? Fine! What are you going to do?
Shego: Go with my strengths.
Wade: Kim, Drakken's on the move. He's broken into a top-secret lab in the Mohave Desert.
Kim: I'll grab Ron and we?re gone.
Ron: The Ron said he wanted baby lettuce. Look at this! This is adult lettuce.
Bonnie: Do the job right, or get someone who can.
Guy: Oh, man. Sorry, the Ron.
Ron: Little people just don't understand.
Bonnie: I understand, Ron. The Ron. The Ron.
Kim: Ron, we got a...
Guard: Whoa, you, on the list?
Kim: There's a list?
Guard: Name?
Kim: Kim Possible.
Guard: Not on the list.
Kim: I'm his best friend.
Guard: Who is not on the list.
Kim: Ron and I have been best friends since Pre-K.
Guard: Then I think you would be on the list.
Kim: Look, I don't care about the list.
Guard: The list is the law.
Kim: You've only known Ron for two days!
Guard: Don't try mind games on me.
Kim: Ok, fine. I'll take a different approach.
Ron: I said, "oh, yeah?"
Bonnie: And what did he say?
Ron: He said, "yeah." real mean and tough, right.
All: Ooooh!
Bonnie: Then what did you say?
Ron: Nothing, then I bought the place and fired his sorry self.
Kim: Ron, we're going after Drakken.
Ron: Coolio! We'll get my diamond back.
Kim: Yeah, and stopping his latest evil scheme will just be a bonus. Wade, start calling in some favors. We need an airlift...
Ron: Whoa, whoa! Kim, that won't be necessary. The Ron spread a little fetti, you got your little something-something.
Kim: Hmm.
Ron: You like?
Kim: It's wow-worthy.
Robot: Is there anything I can do to make your flight more comfortable, Miss Possible?
Kim: Just keep your eyes on the clouds, please.
Rufus: Nuts?
Ron: Yeah, nuts. Honey roasted.
Robot: Of course, sir.
Ron: And you said money can't buy happiness.
Kim: Silly me.
Robot: Sir, We are over the jump zone.
Kim: Suit up, Ron.
Ron: The Ron, Kim. The Ron.
Kim: I like the jet. Let's not push it. Wow, what's with the muscle?
Ron: That's a team of covert ops specialists. They'll lighten our load.
Squads Guy: Call us the Ron squad.
Ron: No, no. It's the Kim squad. They're a gift.
Kim: Ron, you can't buy people.
Ron: Have you been under a rock this week? Sure you can!
Kim: Whatever. Let's just jump, OK?
Drakken: No. No. No. Oooh, yes, that says Operation catastrophic doom!
Shego: Peachy. Let's grab it and go.
Drakken: Uh-uh, Shego, it must be compatible with the focusing diamond. Ah the perfect fit.
Ron: Yeah! On my pinky!
Kim: Um, Kim squad, move out!
Squad?s man: You heard the lady. Go, go, go!
Rufus: Go, go, go!
Henchman#1: Whoa.
Henchman#2: They look like pros.
Drakken: Attack, you lazy slugs!
Shego: Your sidekick bought you a squad?
Kim: Um, yeah.
Shego: Man, I am on the wrong side.
Ron: Oooh, Johnson, nice block. Wilson, does anyone body slam better than you? If so, get 'em on the payroll.
Drakken: What's this?
Ron: Michaels, was at a butterfly twist? That earns additional ten, my friend.
Drakken: The buffoon has money? A ridiculously large amount of money? I'll finish operation catastrophic doom in style. Grab the buffoon!
Ron: How can I be rich and still be a buffoon? Uh-oh.
Shego: Sorry, Kimmie, got to follow the money.
Squad Guy: Defensive positions.
Shego: Ooooh, cute.
Ron: Hi, would you accept a generous bribe?
Shego: Mmmmm, yes.
Ron: This is not what I meant.
Drakken: Well done, Shego. Farewell, Kim Possible. A fool and his money will soon be parted.
Kim: Come on, We can still catch them.
Squadman#1: So, you'll want the extra hour then?
Kim: Extra hour?
Squadman#1: We're paid by the hour, ma'am.
Squadman#2: And we're off the clock now.
Kim: How much for another hour?
Squadman#1: If you have to ask, you can't...
Kim: ...afford it.
Squadman#1: Right. Best of luck. Watch that girl with the glowing hands. She's trouble.
Kim: Thanks. That's a big help. Wade, I need a cross reference all online retailers. Look for major spendage in shipping addresses.
Wade: Ok, why?
Kim: Because if there's anybody stupider with money than Ron, it's Drakken.
Drakken: Digital shoe horn, $385. Hmm, do I need one of these?
Guy: Oh, yeah, analog's for suckers.
Drakken: Oh, why not? It's not like I can't afford it, right, Stoppable?
Ron: I think I learned a lesson here, Rufus.
Rufus: Uh-huh.
Ron: Never carry 99 million in cash.
Rufus: And?
Ron: And... oh, yeah, right. And don't try to buy your friends.
Rufus: Uh-huh.
Drakken: So, Stoppable, what do you think of my laser of doom? Quite bling-bling, wouldn't you say?
Ron: Not anymore. Not since you used that term.
Drakken: Oh, come now, it was your fundage that made my evil dream come true.
Ron: Oh, great. Scratch fundage from my vocab, too.
Drakken: Did you meet my new pals?
Ron: I can't believe you stole my money and my peeps.
Drakken: Actually, once I had your bank, they came on their own.
Ron: At least Bonnie didn't join you. She stay loyal to the Ron.
Drakken: The brown-haired girl? Had to let her go. I prefer to surround myself with genuine friends. Take Shego, for instance, faithful, loyal...
Shego: Yo, Doctor D, come on. Come on. Come on.
Drakken: Wait, I'll make a withdrawal.
Ron: Hey! Hey! Hey!
Shego: It's a start. Alright, let's get this operation too complicated to actually work over with.
Ron: KP!
Kim: You're busted, Drakken.
Shego: No, no, he's dirty rich, but you'll be busted when I'm done.
Drakken: Miss Possible, we have had our differences to be sure, but I'm in a giving mood today. How much for you to walk away? Name your price.
Kim: Ok, first, not interested, and second, that money is Ron's. Not that he was any smarter with it.
Ron: Only a true friend would say something that hurtful. Thanks KP.
Shego: Hey, this could be fun. How 'bout I use the laser cannon to vaporize you clowns?
Guy: Help?
Guard: Oh, yeah.
All: Let's get outta here!
Drakken: Shego, what are you doing? That laser cannon is only to be used for operation catastrophic doom.
Shego: I am thinking outside the box. Oooh, I'd send you a postcard from Iceland, but they don't deliver mail where you're going.
Drakken: Well, that's just great! Now how am I gonna start operation catastrophic doom?
Shego: You still got Stoppable's money?
Drakken: Yes. But the...
Shego: We'll discuss it in Reykjavik.
Kim: Sorry, Ron. How much of your money did he get away with?
Ron: All of it.
Kim: You walked around with the entire 99 mill in your pockets?
Ron: Bonnie thought it was fly.
Kim: Oh, Ron.
Ron: So what do you think the chances are that she fell in love with the real me?
Kim: Well...
Bonnie: Move it, loser.
Ron: Good seeing you, too.
Kim: Actually, I though she'd be harsher.
Ron: Hey, it's cool, KP. I may not be rich, but if I may wax philosophic for a moment, wealth isn't just about your bank balance. If you count friends, then I'm the richest man in Middleton.
Kim: Thanks, Ron.
Ron: Well, actually, now I think about it, most people have more friends than I do. You know actually, I only have you and Rufus.
Kim: Only?
Ron: I mean only as in with best friends like you, I don't need anyone else.
Kim: Nice save. So, you got enough money for a tacodilla?
Ron: Better than that, I have enough to grande-size.
Ron and Rufus: Boo-yah!
Drakken: New evil lair 34 million dollars. New laser cannon 48 million dollars. Operation catastrophic doom...
Shego: A colossal waste of money.
Drakken: Shhh. And now begins the reign of doctor Drakken!
Shego: Colossal waste of money!
Drakken: Shego, no Iceland for you!



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