Rappin' Drakken

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By wallaceb
Barkin: Alright people. For your request we are having class outside today.
Ron: Er... Mr. B, yeah, I think that request was last week; you know when it was nice out.
Barkin: Do you have any idea... the bureaucratic nightmare entailed in having class outside?! Feel lucky we're doin' it at all!
Kim: We are such lucky ducks.
Ron: No, they are!
Barkin: Reminder, your creative writing assignment is due in one week. I trust everyone has used the last five weeks wisely.
Ron: Heh, I was... err... I was workin' on another project. Did you start yours KP?
Kim: Um, Ron. I finished it. Three and a half weeks ago.
Ron: Aw man, I don't even have a topic.
Kim: Well, it's supposed to be autobiographical.
Ron: Yeah, I know. I kept waiting for it to write itself.
Kim: That's not what the auto... well, never mind.
Ron: I know, I'll write about our first mission.
Kim: That's what mine's about.
Ron: Cool!
Kim: You can't copy.
Ron: Oh! Hey buddy... that's it!
Kim: What's it?
Ron: My topic, how Ron met Rufus!
Kim: Didn't you just get him on sale at Smarty Mart?
Ron: It's creative writing, Kimbo, I'll spice it up.
Kim: I have no doubt. What's the sitch, Wade?
Wade: Are you sitting in the rain?
Kim: Class outside... don't ask.
Wade: Well, as long as you're already soaked. Drakken's got a new hover lair in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
Kim: More water? Swell...
Wade: For your ride, I set you up with...
Kim: Global Justice?
Wade: Hmm... they make good time
Pilot: I'm telling you, Miss Possible. Global Justice has searched and scanned this whole area. Dr. Drakken is not here.
Kim: Wade says he's here. That's good enough for me... You sure about this, Wade?
Wade: Absolutely. I had a solid lock on his hover lair... until, you know, it vanished.
Kim: Better get a close look. Ready Ron?
Ron: Sure... what're we doing again? Waahh, Woahh... awww man! KP, My soda!
Kim: We'll get you a refill later.
Ron: No! Look!
Kim: Way to go, Ron!
Ron: Knock Knock!
Rufus: ha-ha, who’s there?
Kim: Invisible lair...
Ron: Invisible lair who?
Kim: Invisible lair right in front of us. Let's bust the bad guys.
Ron: I'm not really sure that works.
Drakken: I presume that we continue to elude Global Justice's search parties. In stealth mode, we are completely undetectable. Hahaha.
Henchman: Looks like one Global Justice sky craft hasn't given up the search.
Drakken: What a buffoon!
Ron: Hey, I thought I was the buffoon?!
Shego: I'd say so!
Drakken: You're too late, Kim Possible. For while Shego keeps you busy I shall launch my Hypertronic Devastator Drone!
Kim: Wait, no countdown?
Shego: No, no he's actually learning.
Drakken: During the time it takes a computer voice to count backwards from ten, you always manage to defeat me. Not anymore!
Ron: Err... Dude, is this important?
Drakken: The gyroscopic control unit! Where did you get this?
Ron: Yeah, well we actually snuck in by climbing up your... whatever it is.
Drakken: Hypertronic Devastator Drone!
Ron: Yes. And I slipped and I had to kinda grab on to something and... yeah that kinda snapped off.
Drakken: But without the gyroscopic control unit the drone will.... instantly crash. You buffoon!
Ron: I do what I can.
Kim: Maybe we should get out of here?
Shego: Good call!
Pilot: Ah, now I see it!
Kim: I still can't believe it! How'd we let Drakken and Shego get away?
Wade: On the upside, GJ did capture all the henchman.
Ron: And Drakken was foiled, not captured, but foiled.
Rufus: Yay!
Kim: Oh, I guess we have to wait till Drakken's next take over the world scheme.
Drakken: Excellent Lutz, now take the shampoo and lather.
Lutz: but I already showered this morning before I left the house.
Drakken: This is science Lutz, what you did or didn’t do under uncontrolled conditions is not relevant.
Lutz: Yea but if you shampoo too frequently, it can dry out your follicles; give you wicked split ends you know?
Drakken: Lutz, don’t make me come down there. Lutz! Just put it in your hair!
Lutz: Jeez, you don’t have to shout, I ju...a...yeaaa.
Drakken: Lutz! Lutz?
Lutz: Who?
Drakken: Oh. Hmm. Lets see. Ah, you’re a chicken. Cluck Lutz. Ha-Ha-Ha. It worked! Yes, all we have to do Shego is put Dr. D’s Brain washing shampoo and cranium rinse in every store and the world will soon be my pawn. Ha-ha-ha, isn’t that… Shego?
Shego: Hey! I was listening to that.
Drakken: Ahh! Hip-Hop. I don’t get it. Where’s the tune?
Shego: Huh. How’s operation Getting more ridiculous by the day going?
Drakken: Hmm, see for your self ye of little faith.
Shego: What aspect of the chicken dance is supposed to wow me?
Drakken: It’s just a demonstration. The point is his personality is putty to me.
Shego: Lather Rinse, Obey. Aren’t you being a little too upfront here?
Drakken: Truth in labeling laws Shego, I’m a super villain, not a corporate shyster. Now I must but on my marketing hat and move some product. Does your shampoo make you feel like this? Mine does. Dr. Drakken’s brain washing shampoo and cranium rinse. Feel like a new you. Now available at smarty mart, where smart shoppers shop smart.
Ron: When Ron met Rufus. Notes?
Kim: Ron, tell me again why we had to come to Smarty Mart?
Ron: Research Kim. Gotta recreate the event up here. Oh come on, I told you Rufus we’re not here for toys, this is for art.
Kim: Can we go?
Ron: Oh, and I need to get some ointment for toe nail fungus, yea.
Kim: Need I bother with the Euh-ahe, or is it a given? Sitch me Wade.
Ron: Hey Wade. Er, what do you know about toe nail fungus?
Wade: Euh-ahe!
Kim: Yea, that’s what I said.
Wade: Kim, Drakken’s up to something huge, he’s selling a…
Kim: shampoo?
Wade: Yea. You heard?
Kim: I see.
Wade: It’s supposed to hypnotize anyone who uses it, to do what ever Drakken says.
Ron: Lather, Rinse, Obey. Hmm, points for full discloser.
Wade: The good news is, no bodies buying it. The product is a bomb.
Ron: Maybe it’s his picture on the bottle?
Kim: So, what do we do?
Wade: If the shampoo doesn’t start selling soon, the stores will return their stock, end of plot.
Kim: Wow, Drakken’s self foiling now, spankin!
Drakken: Hmm! I don’t get it. What went wrong?
Shego: Hmm, I don’t know… You think maybe it was your picture on the bottle?
Drakken: Can we cut the Hip-Hop while I’m ranting? Who is this anyway? Hmm! Good beet! Decent rhymes, Ah, this MC-Honey has expensive tastes. She’s just going on and on about all the stuff she can buy with her bank.
Shego: And people buy brands that mentioned in songs. Unlike yours.
Drakken: That’s it!
Shego: What’s it?
Drakken: I need to get my brain washing shampoo into a hot rap! That’ll hook the kids.
MC-Honey: Say what?!
Drakken: I would like you to mention my shampoo in one of your raps. You’d really be doing me a solid.
MC-Honey: Lather Rinse Obey!? I don’t think so.
Drakken: Well, but… perhaps if you tried the product you might change your mind?
MC-Honey: I don’t think so!
Drakken: But this is crucial to my plan.
MC-Honey: Foo!
Shego: I cannot believe you actually met MC-Honey and didn’t get me an autograph.
Drakken: I was focusing on taking over the world instead. One has to wonder about my priorities.
Shego: So what now?
Drakken: Don’t know, don’t care.
Shego: Ok, well, fine, fine, fine! Have a good weekend. See you Monday.
Drakken: It’s Friday? Are you sure?
Shego: Yea, check the calendar. Oh no, oh no, come on!
Drakken: It’s Friday and we all know what that means!
Shego: Karaoke night.
Drakken: I’m going through a tunnel, stuck in the canyon, in an elevator. Who’ll even listen? No! No, no, no. No, no, no! Whoa Whoa! Hello, Hello, Hello, can you hear me now? Hello? Thank you! Ha-ha-ha you’re too kind.
Shego: Please tell me we can leave now?
Drakken: Forget it! I’m on fire tonight. You know, after a scheme goes south, nothing cheers me up quite like Karaoke night. When I hold that mic, and look out at the audience, I feel so alive. It’s electric!
Shego: Yea, maybe that’s the answer, sing the world into submission.
Drakken: Shego! That’s it! Yes! Really this time, trust me.
Shego: What?
Drakken: And here I thought I was the evil genius. You’re brilliant.
Shego: What are you talking about?
Drakken: Who needs MC-what’s her name?
Shego: Oh no.
Drakken: can make sure my shampoo is most wanted.
Shego: Oh please no.
Drakken: I will become a Hip-Hop star.
Kim: How’s the creative writing assignment going?
Ron: Progressing nicely thank you.
Kim: Still haven’t stated?
Ron: The creative part yes… Hm not so much the writing part. American Star Maker!
Kim: I think I know why progress is slow.
Judge: If your looking for talent, I’m afraid you’ll be bitterly disappointed this evening.
Kim: You watch this!?
Ron: Only when it’s on. Point?
Kim: I don’t know. The judge is so rude, and, and mean. I kinda makes my skin crawl.
Ron: That’s what’s great about it. The skin crawlyness-nes
Rufus: Hm-Hm.
Judge: Not only can’t you sing, your clothes are simply dreadful, and you’re freakish over bite scares small mammals.
Rufus: Yoink!
Kim: My skin... Euh… crawling.
Judge: Next up a young lady with a voice that could melt flesh.
Drakken: He’s tough, but cruel.
Shego: Wait! Shhhhh!
Girl: No I don’t just roll out of bed, this is the shape of my head, don’t be a fool, this is the shape of my head!
Drakken: She wouldn’t have lasted five minutes at Karaoke night.
Shego: What ever! She will be famous tomorrow.
Drakken: Your right! That’s it! Really, really it this time.
Shego: Oh no.
Drakken: I’ll launch my musical career on American Start Maker! Bod-a-bing, instant fame.
Shego: For 15 minutes.
Drakken: That’s all I need. Hello.
Guy: How you doin?
Drakken: Are you the producer of American Star Maker?
Guy: Look buddy, auditions for next season start in July. Now if you don’t mind, I’m takin’ a steam.
Drakken: Oh, I don’t want to be on it next season, I’m thinking this week.
Guy: How’d you get in here?
Drakken: I think I can make you change your mind.
Guy: I need to cool off.
Drakken: Yes, a nice shower is just what you need. Now, about my slot on your show?
Ron: Alright, so time is running out. But I will not panic KP.
Kim: Your panicking aren’t you?
Ron: Totally!
Kim: Ron, why do you do this to yourself?
Ron: Kim, procrastination is one of the few skills I’ve mastered. Don’t slam it. Oh look TV!
Judge: Our next victim does by the name of Dr. D’s. Oh joy.
Drakken: Yo, what up dog?
Kim: Noo!
Ron: It can’t be.
Kim: And yet it is.
Ron: you think your skin was crawling before.
Wade: Kim, are you watching?
Kim: Yep. But not believing.
Judge: Oh too bad, we’re out of time for this week, but you’ll be the first off the block next time. And I can’t wait.
Drakken: But?
Kim: Wade?
Wade: I’m on it Kim, I’ll start working my sources.
Ron: Man, I wish I had sources.
Kim: The project’s due Monday, and you have a title?
Ron: OK, I lied about the title thing, but I have a topic in my pocket.
Rufus: Me!
Wade: Where have you been?
Kim: Class.
Wade: Oh right, anyway. Here’s what I got on our American Star Maker. Remember that bogus shampoo Drakken tried to sell?
Kim: Uh-Hu, the one no one bought.
Wade: Well, he’s planning on plugging it in his song.
Kim: And the point would be?
Ron: Stuff talked about in his song hot and cool.
Kim: So you think people will snap up Drakken’s shampoo just because he raps about it?
Wade: Millions of people watch American Star Maker. Plus, if Drakken actually wins, he could get a record contract, movie deal, who knows?
Ron: Who does know?
Kim: Hmm, we gotta pull Drakken’s plug.
Ron: Here you go buddy, a chimereato, and a naco.
Rufus: Hmm, Naco!
Kim: Focus on the dead line Ron.
Ron: I’m working on the writing assignment ok? I was talking about Drakken on TV tomorrow tonight.
Ron: Oh that, ok, look, there’s really one thing to do.
Kim: Yea, what’s that?
Ron: You need to go on that show, and win. Beat Drakken at his own game.
Kim: That’s the only thing we can go huh?
Ron: Think about it KP, you blew them away at last year’s talent show, admittedly, I won, but you were a very strong second.
Rufus: uh-uh.
Kim: But this is on national television Ron, and the judge is so mean.
Ron: Kim, you foil super freaks on a daily basis, and you’re worried about some snarky TV pretty boy Eh?
Kim: Well, yea, pretty much.
Judge: Listen, thanks for that shampoo, I feel so unbelievably mellow.
Drakken: You hear that Shego? Mellow.
Judge: Hey, good luck out there.
Drakken: In the bag Shego. Believe the hype.
Shego: I know I’m going to regret saying this, but I think you may have finally achieved so dumb, it just might work.
Drakken: Word up Shego.
Kim: Ron, this is so dumb it can’t work.
Ron: Yea right, chill down KP, it’ll work.
Kim: You listen up, hap a howler from Ron?
Ron: I wanted it to sound like me.
Kim: Why don’t you shoot for, sounds like English?
Judge: Welcome and good evening. First up, I think this guy has a lot of talent, and could go all the way. Dr. D’s.
Kim: hat got into him, or on to him. I’ll be right back.
Drakken: Shego, give me a beat. Yes. Shego? Give me a beat Shego. Shego! Fine. If you want a beat done right. Yo, yo, yo, I used to Drew, one day I turned blue. As a sway short berry, it makes me look scary, then I pony tail my hair. E. Got me a nasty scar. And a funky fresh flying car. Now Drew beat Dr. Drakken so quite that yakkin think I’m out? Ha, I’m back in. For my lippy Shego, she kicks me in my ego. Gots the freaky glowing hands. Marks my super genius plans, makes me do my diffy dance. Break it down, come on. Had dreams to rule the world. Or build a better robot girl. All end in rejection, so after inspection, I turned my career in another direction. Thanks to one all that teen missed me squeaky clean. Though my face is still blue, tell you what I can do, sell you all some freaky shampoo. Lather Rinse and Obey It’s time to wash our hair today. You may think I’m a villain, you aren’t just chillin’. Come here and let me hear you say Lather Rinse and Obey. I’m just a playa playing play My product’s in a rap song, time to get your wash on, with Dr D’s brain washing shampoo, and cranium rinse. For sheezy, it’s off the heezy.
Kim: Ha! I knew he was acting too nice.
Shego: Oh don’t worry Kim, I’m still nasty.
Judge: Lovely, simply Lovely.
Drakken: Oh, you’re too kind.
Judge: But according to our computers, and we don’t know how this happened, we have one final contestant to challenge you. Kim Possible.
Drakken: What?
Ron: Where is Kim? This is the talent show all over again.
Rufus: Come on, sing it!
Ron: Sing my paper? Sing my paper? You want me to go out there and sing my paper? OK.
Rufus: Hit it!
Ron: yo listen up; hap a holla from Ron, Naked Mole Rap is the name of the song. Here’s the story, in all its glory ain’t hiddin' nothin’ you’ll know the truth how Ron met Rufus. Never herd a cat purr, never heard a puppy purr, my dad’s allergic to every kind of fur. So I searched for hairless pets on the internet, saw a JPEG of a pick thing, gonna need sun screen. What is that, that freaky thing? Come on yall, let the girlies sing. Uh-hu. What is that, that freaky thing? Hey wait, I can’t hear the girls sing, I heard smarty mart was havin’ a sale on a hairless pink rodent with a long skinny tail. It seemed this could be a solution, the prefect pet for my Dad’s sense of constitution. So the manager came, to open the cage, he said.
Manager: You know this pet is hairless.
Ron: I said I couldn’t care less. Handed him to me, said.
Manager: Be careful, don’t drop it, and do you want this cage?
Ron: No, I keep em’ in my pocket. What is that, that freaky thing? Come on yall, let the girlies sing. What is that, that freaky thing? Gonna buy me some bling-bling. Can I get a boo-yaa?
Crowd: Boo-yaa!
Ron: Can I get a boo-yaa?
Crowd: Boo-yaa!
Ron: Look at the camera, say cheese!
Crowd: Cheese!
Ron: Smile for the camera, say cheese!
Crowd: Cheese!
Ron: We go to Beuno Nacho, Chimereato and a Naco. Always grande sized, why not? I’m buyin’. Rufus in my pocket, can’t stop it, can’t top it, don’t drop it, you might just pop it. Rufus and Ron Stoppable, with our best friend Kim Possible. Were not afraid of any attack, I say yo KP, we got your back!
Rufus: Hiya!
Ron: What is that, that freaky thing? Come on yall, let the girlies sing. What is that, super freaky thing? Woo! Come on yall, let the girlies sing.
Rufus: Bye-bye.
Judge: B minus, and I mean that in the nicest way.
Drakken: So, I win?
Judge: Sadly, no.
Drakken: What?!
Judge: Well, as it turns out, you’re disqualified.
Drakken: Say how?
Judge: The police. I don’t know what this means, buy they’ve confiscated your ware house, and they’re coming to get you.
Kim: You may not rap Wade, but you rock.
Barkin: Oh, well, it pains me to admit this, but, it was both creative and autobiographical.
Ron: You know the guy on the TV gave me a B minus.
Barkin: Fine, B minus.
Ron: Ha! You can’t inspiration without procrastination.
Kim: Er, yes you can.
Ron: Well, not the “ation” part. Boo-yaa!
Rufus: Boo-yaa!