Naked Genius

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By wallaceb
Whisp: Overall, I found the results of yesterday's pop quiz to be... well, less disappointing than usual. Kimberly.
Ron: A-minus! Nice work, KP!
Kim: Yeah. I crammed on that boat ride down the Congo.
Ron: Cramming? I don't remember cramming.
Kim: That's because I crammed! You spent nine hours playing bingo on the kimunicator.
Ron: Oh, right!
Whisp: And, as for you, Ronald...
Ron: Not another F! Not another F!
Whisp: Another F.
Ron: Wha...?
Ron: Yes! Yes! It was just a dream! A horrible, horrible dream.
Ron: Hey, KP, you never gonna believe a nightmare I had. Miss Whisp was passing back tests. I got...
Whisp: Another F.
Ron: Right! ...Oh, man! Three algebra test. Three F's in a row. I got nothing but air beneath the hair.
Rufus: Aah! Hello.
Kim: Come on, Ron. You just have to, you know, work harder to realize...
Ron: ...Realize my potential? Heard it, lived it, bought the movie rights. Ron Stoppable is Potential Boy; coming soon at a theatre near you.
Kim: Buck up, potential boy. What's say we do something fun to take your mind off math.
Ron: What do you have a mind?
Wade: Kim, we got trouble. There's been a breach at a highly classified underground defense lab outside Demoine, Iowa.
Kim: How's Iowa grab you?
Drakken: Oh! My back is killing me. Shego, why did I let you talk me out of buying the model with heated seats and lumbar support?
Shego: Because it also had a sun roof which, on a subterranean vehicle seemed a little, I don't know, pointless!
Drakken: Oh! There it is! Project Phoebus. Once I manipulate my own brilliant cerebral cortex with that experimental that beam I'll become even more brilliant. Perhaps ridiculously brilliant, certainly brilliant enough to design my own doomsday weapon.
Shego: Let's charge her up.
Drakken: Ah-ah! Patience, Shego. First we must document this historic moment in my quest for world domination. Here, use this. It came free with the test drive. Oh! Wait! I wasn't ready. Try again.
Franklin: Kim Possible? Lt. Franklin.
Kim: What's the sitch?
Franklin: At 0800 hours someone broke into the main lab and locked us out.
Franklin: It appears the intended target is Project Phoebus.
Kim: Which is...?
Franklin: A top secret government experiment.
Kim: Which does...?
Franklin: Project Phoebus is a level five security classification.
Kim: Which means...?
Franklin: Look, it means I don't know what the darn thing does. None of us do.
Ron: You're joking, right?
Franklin: Is this the face of a joker, son?
Ron: Yea, not so much.
Kim: Guys, hello, the monitor.
Drakken: Wait. My eyes were shut. Once more, Shego.
Kim: We need a way to get in that lab.
Franklin: The only way is through that tiny ventilation duct.
Kim: I think we can handle that.
Kim: Once you're in, open the door but keep it quiet.
Rufus: Uh-huh. Uh-oh. Whoa!
Kim: Sorry, Drakken. Looks like your bad hair day just got worse.
Drakken: Kim Possible! Every time you barge in, I just... Arrgh! The anger!
Ron: Yea, keep talking. Your tongue isn't the only thing that's gonna be tied.
Ron: Whoa!
Shego: Going somewhere Kimmie?
Rufus: Hello.
Drakken: Argh! Well, well. I believe it's time for a little mole removal. Argh! Yes! I can feel it working.
Kim: At least Project Phoebus is safe.
Ron: Yeah. Whatever it is. Come on, Rufus! We're home bound, baby!
Mrs. Dr P: Kimmie, you sure you have everything under control?
Tweebs: Three. Two. One.
Kim: Mission scrubbed tweebs. Take it outside.
Kim: Now you two have fun country line dancing.
Mr. Dr P: Will do. Thanks for supporting our new hobby.
Kim: And if anybody asks, what are your names again?
Mrs. Dr P: Wanda and Eugene Crumholtz. No relation to Kim Possible, Middleton High.
Kim: You guys rock.
Ron: Hey, I figured out problem three. X equals all of the above.
Kim: Hey, Wade. Looks like the tutoring is really coming along.
Wade: Ow! Ow! Ow! Let's just say problem three isn't even multiple choice. Sorry, Kim. I'm a super-genius, not a miracle worker.
Kim: I hear you. I'll take it from here.
Kim: OK, Ron. Ready to try a word problem?
Ron: Sure, if you're ready to watch my head explode. Too late! It's happening!
Tweebs: We have liftoff!
Kim: You guys are so busted.
Tweebs: Yelps.
Ron: It's useless, Rufus. I have as much chance of understanding algebra as you do. FYI, I was being sarcastic. Wait a second, how did you...?
Rufus: Hmm.
Ron: Who cares about the "how", Rufus. You just finished four hours of homework in under five seconds. You know what this means?
Rufus: Uh-huh.
Ron: Me neither but it's gotta be good!
Whisp: Hello, Ronald. Since I found your homework sitting on my desk first thing this morning. I took the liberty of grading it early.
Ron: Yeah? Is there a grade higher than A-plus or are you just gonna make one up for me?
Whisp: We'll got with the traditional F.
Rufus: Huh?
Ron: What? But I did it longhand showing my work and everything.
Whisp: Your assignment demonstrations a comprehension of not only algebra but also with advanced calculus and chaos theory mathematics.
Kim: It does?
Whisp: Yes. Which means it was clearly completed by someone else!
Ron: I swear, Miss Whisp. No other... um person did this assignment for me.
Whisp: Very well. Based on the proficiency demonstrated in your homework, this PhD level equation should be easy-peasy for you.
Ron: Er, ye-eah. Sure! Here I go. Walking right up to the board.
Rufus: Hmm. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Whisp: Ronald, that's correct.
Ron: Cool! So, who's up for snackage in the caf? How about some pie? Math pun. Get it? With pie? Cos I... I'm good.
Whisp: The world has a new prodigy. There's Aristotle, Newton, Einstein, and now, Stoppable.
Ron: Wait! Hold up! I...Oh-oh. And, as you can see, the rest is mathematical history. Can I go now?
Mathematician: Mr. Stoppable, please explain your procedure for finding exponents in polynomials.
Ron: Yeah, I could tell you but let me just show you.
Ron: Keep it up, pal. I think they're gonna let us go soon.
Kim: Wade! I just don't get it. It's like Ron's been abducted and replaced by someone... smart.
Wade: Granted. Ron's sudden genius is a little odd. But some students blossom late in academic career.
Kim: Come on, Wade. This is Ron. Last night he had to take off his shoes to count to 12 and today he's taking some genius aptitude test.
Wade: Really? How'd he do?
Kim: 186.
Wade: 186?! That's 40 points higher than my score! That's impossible!
Kim: Welcome to my disbelief.
Wade: Have Mr. Genius meet me online. I'll get to the bottom of this.
Kim: Something tells me getting close to Mr. Genius is not gonna be easy.
Whisp: Sorry, but Ron's time is up. He's on a very tight schedule.
Ron: I am?
Whisp: Of course! Ron, your genius is a gift. A gift you must share with the world.
Tricia: Good evening, Middleton. We begin tonight with the story of a boy genius named Ron Stoppable. After coming out of nowhere he's taken the country, and the world, by storm. He's designed the plans for a brand new international space station, created the world's first cold fusion reactor and has even completed Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. And what does this whiz kid have to say about new found success?
Ron: Erm, I just wanna pass algebra.
Tricia: Tricia Lapowski reporting.
Drakken: And now, Shego, I shall use my newly acquired brilliance to begin the design of my doomsday device. Yes! I can feel my brilliance blossoming. It's as if my hand is but a humble servant to the power of my advanced mind. So what do you think?
Shego: Erm, nothing personal but it doesn't exactly scream doomsday or brilliance.
Drakken: Nonsense! It must be so advanced that your own puny intellect cannot grasp it. Here! Take a look at this one!
Shego: A puppy and a horsy. Cute.
Kim: Well, look whose back from his press tour.
Ron: Yeah. Tap to a little inner genius a suddenly everybody wants a piece. Enough of me. What have you been up to?
Kim: Saw the sequel to Potential Boy. It was called Genius Boy. Good acting but the plot seems a bit far-fetched.
Ron: Oh-oh!
Kim: What's with the whiz kid deal?
Ron: You know how it is. I'm just a late bloomer, you know. First with the ladies and now this.
Kim: Did I miss the ladies bloom?
Wade: Hey, Ron, what would you say we compete in a little Internet battle of the geniuses?
Ron: Oh... you know, as much as I'd love to, I should really should be...
Wade: There can be only one!
Ron: OK, I guess. How do we...
Wade: Begin! Calculate the area of this four dimensional theoretical.
Wade: Break this DNA sequence down into its base strands.
Wade: Explain Pythagorean's Theorem in relation to exponents, roots and scientific notation formulas.
Wade: Write a 400 words essay examining the popularity of sailor uniforms in Japan Imation and cite examples.
Wade: Correct! Correct! Correct! Once again, correct. Well, Kim, he's a genius. More of a genius than I'll ever be.
Whisp: There you are, Ronald. You suppose to be in the auditorium, rehearsing for your press conference tomorrow.
Ron: What's it for again?
Whisp: You?re announcing cure for the common cold. I found it on your desk the other day next to your little mole rat.
Ron: Great.
Kim: Could this get any more wrong?
Wade: When did the boy genius miracle start to happen?
Kim: Come to think of it, it was right after we got back from that lab in Iowa.
Kim: Thanks for the ride, Bernice.
Bernice: Well you know it's the least I could do after saved my artists colony from that dam break last year.
Kim: No big. It was just like patching of a crack in a fish tank back home only it took a lot more gum.
Zeruda: What are you? Land developer? Tax collector? Sales lady?
Kim: Dr. Zeruda, I need to talk to you about a device you developed for the government. You may be the only person who actually knows what it does. Project Phoebus?
Zeruda: Oh, well... come in.
Drakken: OK, Shego. Feast your eyes on this vision of doomsday genius!
Shego: Woo! Try again, Picasso.
Drakken: It doesn't make sense! I was in the chair. The beam surge. We all saw it. Why am I not... more brilliant, brillianter? More brillianter?
Shego: Dr. D, check this out!
Tricia: I'm in front the Middleton mall where tomorrow morning genius Ron Stoppable will unveil his cure for the common cold. Could this boy be any more brilliant?
Drakken: Ron Stoppable? Help me out.
Shego: Kim Possible's dopey sidekick.
Drakken: Since when is he a genius? I'm the one that... Wait a second. That boy has my brains, and I want them back!
Kim: So, let me get this straight. Project Phoebus contains the brainwave patterns of the world's most brilliant scientists?
Zeruda: We all used to be poker buddies. Gates, Nash, Salk. They were all over one night I wanted to try out my new project Bing-bang-boom, the rest is history.
Kim: So, if someone like, say, my friend Ron were to accidentally get struck by the beam it could turn him into...
Zeruda: An unparalleled genius. But not permanently. The effects of the Project Phoebus beam are only temporary. It'll be two to four days before wears off. Sure I can't tempt you some squirrel stew?
Kim: Oh gosh, I... I had it for lunch.
Zeruda: Well, at least that Drakken fellow didn't get his mitts on those brain waves. That much brain power in the wrong hand could spell disaster.
Kim: Wait a sec. If Drakken needs those brainwaves he's gonna need Ron!
Ron: Um, so this little doohickey here should reduce car emissions by, well, a lot.
Reporter: Mr. Stoppable. That is your fuel cell equation. That's your time-space theorem.
Ron: Right. Time-space. You can tell that by the sideways eight thingy right over there.
**Reporter:[b/] That's the symbol for infinity. Don't you know that?
Ron: Are there any other questions?
Drakken: I have a question. Care for a lift?
Ron: A little help! Rufus!
Rufus: Oh, no!
Kim: Still nothing? Wade, we have to find Drakken's new lair before he forces Ron to build him a doomsday device.
Wade: I know. There are still a few more lead I'm checking out. Stand by.
Kim: Don't worry, Rufus. We'll find Ron. In the meantime, keep yourself busy it'll help to take your mind off things.
Wade: Kim, I got a newsflash. Ron's no genius.
Kim: What do you mean?
Wade: I re-examined the main security cam for clues. Check this out.
Kim: Wade, what's the big? That just Ron writing an equation.
Wade: Sure, that's what it looks like. But watch when I zoom in.
Kim: It's Rufus?
Rufus: Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Wade: So, if Rufus is the genius then how Ron can build Drakken a doomsday device?
Kim: He's not.
Drakken: So, Kim Possible's sidekick thinks he can stick his nose into my business and steal my precious brainwave.
Ron: OK, believe it or not that's not how went down.
Drakken: Shush, boy! Now is not the time for words. Now is the time for action. Well, actually thought, yes. Now is the time for thought followed soon after by action.
Ron: Whoo! Having a garage sale?
Drakken: You boy will use these supplies and your stolen genius to build me a horrific doomsday device that will allow me to conquer the world!
Ron: Yeah. Sorry to throw a wrench in the works but it's just not gonna happen cos um...
Drakken: Oh, it's going to happen because if it doesn't...
Ron: OK! So, who's up for a little doomsday device?
Kim: Don't worry, Wade. Drakken may have Ron but we have the real genius. I mean, the other real genius. Wade, we got a listing. A recently purchased ten-bedroom, six-and-a-half acid-bathed lair. Here's the address.
Drakken: Is it ready yet, boy?!
Ron: Er, it may be in another two or three... or 16 weeks. Say, now might be a great time to take that super freak singles cruise you've been thinking about?
Drakken: That doomsday device better work. Otherwise, you'll be swimming with the fish! Fish, right? Or is it fishes?
Shego: Fish or fishes.
Drakken: Which is it?
Shego: Both are correct plural forms of singular word, "fish".
Drakken: You're very smug, right now, aren't you?
Shego: A little bit.
Ron: OK, then. Here it is. My doomsday device. Right here under the sheet or, as they say in France, "mon device day day doom". French.
Drakken: Show it to me!
Ron: Drakken, Shego, I give you... The Mangler.
Drakken: Argh! Well, Mr. Stoppable, have fun with the fish! Or fishes.
Kim: Can't there ever be a one storey ranch-style lair? We're too late. How did that...? Did you outfit my cloth with gadgets when I wasn't looking?
Rufus: Uh-huh. Yup.
Kim: Rufus, you are one rocking mole rat!
Ron: KP!
Drakken: KP? Don't try and trick me, boy! I know Kim Possible when I see her.
Shego: Yeah. The lame outfit is always a dead giveaway.
Rufus: Uh? Uh?
Kim: Falling bookcases. You'll have to do better than that.
Drakken: Suits me! Suits of amour, that is.
Drakken: Amours! Advance!
Ron: Armor? What happened to your regular henchmen?
Drakken: They're at a wedding.
Kim: Jump!
Drakken: Don't just stand there! Finish them!
Ron: Hey look! It works! My doomsday device works!
Drakken: No!
Ron: Look out! Whoa! Urgh!
Kim: Nice move, genius.
Ron: I am what I is.
Rufus: Hey!
Drakken: This isn't over, Kim Possible! You capture us, we'll just come back more evil than before. And eviler! Less not gooder?I.
Shego: Please stop talking.
Drakken: ...K.
Ron: X equals, let's see... Eight?
Kim: You know something, Potential Boy, that's actually right.
Ron: Hey, come on. Algebra's cake for a guy who can build a doomsday machine.
Kim: Speaking of doomsday, how much detention time did Miss Whisp give you?
Ron: Well, let me put it this way. On my detention slip she just wrote one of those sideways eight infinity symbols things.
Kim: And what about the rodent genius? Has the Phoebus effect wore off yet?
Ron: I'm not sure. Where is Rufus, anyway?
Wade: OK, little smart guy. There can be only one. Shall we begin?
Rufus: Bring it on!
Wade: Plot the elliptical orbit of Jupiter's third moon....Correct. Name the four capitals of the ancient Mayan empires. ...Correct.
Ron: I don't miss it.