Mind Games

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By wallaceb
Bonnie: Too bad, Kim. I think we should complain to whoever came up
with that fussy routine. Oh, that was you, wasn't it?
Kim: That fussy routine is going to win the regional’s tomorrow, Bonnie, if you can remember it. OK, again! From the top!
Ron: Excuse me, Kim?
Kim: Not now, Ron.
Ron: Err, KP, kinda importante.
Kim: Mucho busy.
Ron: Gimme a K, gimme an I, gimme an M. What does that spell?
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Buzz! Sorry, but thanks for playing.
Kim: What?
Ron: You'll never guess who needs your help.
Kim: Dr. Drakken? Dr. Drakken? Why? What? How?
Cleotis: I'm Private Cleotis Dobbs, United States Armed Forces.
Ron: It's Drakken's evil twin.
Kim: Ron, Drakken's already evil.
Ron: OK, I'm confused.
Cleotis in Darkken’s Body: This Drakken fella used some kind of big machine switched my brain with his. It wasn't natural.
Kim: Wait. His brain is in your body?
Cleotis in Darkken’s Body: I gotta go. The pretty girl that hits, she's a-coming. She's gonna…
Kim: Wade!
Wade: Working on it!
Kim: Like its not bad enough the regional’s are tomorrow Now this extreme weirdness.
Ron: Stress not, KP. You'll handle it. That's what you do.
Kim: You make my life sound like cake.
Ron: Let's see, you're smart, athletic, pretty and popular. Sounds pretty cakey to me.
Kim: OK, flip mode. Playing video games, watching wrestling and downing snackage. It must be brutal being you.
Ron: Try the demands of raising Rufus as a single parent. Not to mention the pressures of maintaining my image. OK, so I don't Exactly have an image yet, but I'm working on it. And frankly, It’s exhausting.
Wade: Couldn't regain contact with Private Dobbs. Frequency's jammed.
Kim: Background check?
Wade: Everything is classified. The only thing I could dig up was this picture.
Ron: I don't get it.
Kim: Yeah. Why would Drakken wanna be in that body?
Computer: Private Cleotis Dobbs. Identity confirmed.
Kim: And on top of everything else, there's tutoring, swim team, the yearbook committee.
Ron: Otherwise known as having a social life. Excuse me, I called ahead for the kosher meal.
Kim: What's the sitch, Wade?
Wade: I finally traced the call from the guy in Drakken's body. But it's weird.
Kim: Weirder than a guy in Drakken's body?
Wade: Good point. Anyway, it looks like the call came from the middle of the Grand Canyon.
Kim: Thanks for the lift, Baxter.
Baxter: My pleasure, little lady. Least I can do to pay You back for helping Buttercup in her time of need.
Kim: That emergency delivery of her foal?
Ron: In the dark.
Baxter: In the rain.
Ron: In a landslide.
Kim: It was no big.
Ron: Get along, little donkey! Get along! Whoa!
Baxter: How about we trade? Buttercup here's a sweetheart.
Ron: Oh, well, I mean, if you insist.
Kim: This is it.
Ron: That's Drakken's lair? Rufus, quit climbing up my leg.
Rufus: Huh?
Ron: Oh! Get off! Get off, get off! Whew! Ahhhhh!
Kim: Mr. Dumb Luck.
Ron: Not Dumb Luck, Kim. Dumb Skills.
Rufus: Hmm, yeah!
Ron: Have we been in this lair before?
Kim: They all start to look alike after a while.
Ron: Brain-switch machine, most definitely.
Cleotis In Darkken’s Body: Help! Help! Help! Kim Possible! Look out!
Kim: Huh?
Shego: Rescue's over, Kimmie.
Kim: Shego. So not.
Cleotis in Darkken’s Body: My mama always taught me to be polite to a lady. Arrrgh! Except when she locks me in a crate.
Kim: Run!
Ron: All over it!
Shego: Don't let Drakken's body get away!
Ron: Hai... Aaargh!
Kim and Ron: You're me? I'm you?
Kim in Ron’s Body: Oh, this is so wrong. This cannot be happening.
Ron in Kim’s Body: I told you not to get near the brain switcher.
Kim in Ron’s Body: No, you didn't!
Ron in Kim’s Body: Well, I was thinking it. Right before my brain got switched!
Cleotis in Drakken’s Body: Y'all think we ought to get it in gear?
Kim in Ron’s Body: We have to change back.
Ron in Kim’s Body: No time!
Shego: Hah! You think I can just let you stroll out with Drakken's body?
Kim in Ron’s Body: Don't even mess with me.
Shego: You... You got hit by Drakken's machine and you two switched. Oh, this is just too great. Oh! You say something. Come on.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Bye-bye.
Shego: Don't let them get to the...elevator.
Cleotis in Drakken’s Body: This sure is mighty tasty chow, ma'am.
Mr. Dr P: I'm sorry, I just can't eat sitting across the table from Kimmie’s arch nemesis.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Dad, I told you, it's not really Dr. Drakken. Just his body.
Mrs. Dr P: I hear you, honey, but as a board-certified neurosurgeon, I got to say it's just not possible to swap brains.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Point taken, Dr. P., but how else do you explain my bare midriff?
Kim in Ron’s Body: Grrrrr!
Mr. Dr P: Chasing bad guys, switching brains, high school sure has changed since my day.
Jim: I wanna switch brains with you.
Tim: Who would know the difference?
Jim: That's the idea.
Tim: Cool!
Ron in Kim’s Body: What you got, Wade?
Wade: Let me talk to Kim.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Who do I look like?
Wade: Nice try, brain-switch boy.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Give me that!
Wade: There's been a security breach at Private Dobbs's post.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Drakken.
Wade: Something been stolen. Something big. Something top secret.
Cleotis in Drakken’s Body: Jumpin' catfish... the neutronalizer! Y'all weren't supposed to hear that.
Mr. Dr P: Uh, this isn't one of those "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" deals, is it?
Cleotis in Drakken’s Body: Well,... er, y'all been real nice. Just forget I ever said neutra... Oh, there I go again.
Wade: More bad news. My scan shows that Drakken's lair's been abandoned. Everything's gone, including the brain-switch machine.
Kim in Ron’s Body: So we're stuck like this?
Ron in Kim’s Body: Alright! I'm gonna be popular!
Mr. Dr P: You kids.
Drakken In Cleotis’s Body: Careful around the neutronalizer. You have no idea what I had to go through to get that. That was marked "fragile"! Thanks to Kim Possible I had to move my lair. Again.
Shego: There's nothing wrong with this time-share.
Delivery Guy: Yo, chief! Where do you want this brain-switch machine?
Drakken In Cleotis’s Body: Oh, er, put it in the den. Carefully! Hello? No, this is not Professor Dementor. He moved. Wait. I didn't notice my body come in. Scarred face, wild-eyed glare.
Delivery Guy: Didn't see it. All I know, the truck's empty.
Drakken In Cleotis’s Body: Shego?!
Shego: Heh-heh. She took it, OK?!
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: You let Kim Possible destroy my lair and take my body?!
Shego: You know, this body's kinda cute when you're angry.
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: I want my body.
Wade: I'll kick the scanners into overdrive.
Kim in Ron’s Body: In the meantime Private Dobbs can stay here for safekeeping.
Wade: What will you and Ron do?
Kim in Ron’s Body: Until you find Drakken and his machine, we'll just have to deal.
Kim in Ron’s Body: What are you doing?
Ron in Kim’s Body: Your hair, it's so flippy.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Wade, hurry! And then shift your weight from your left foot to your right foot and hit a heel stretch at the toe. That's the routine. Got it?
Ron in Kim’s Body: Yeah.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Can you do it?
Ron in Kim’s Body: No way.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Ron, this is the regional’s! The whole squad is depending on me. Er... you.
Ron in Kim’s Body: That's major pressure.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Yeah, no duh!
Ron in Kim’s Body: Think I'm getting the hang of this. And I dig this wardrobe. The breeze is quite refreshing.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Er, yeah, let's get some... what would you call it? Lunchage?
Ron in Kim’s Body: Snackage, Kim. Snackage, never lunchage. That sounds just stupid.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Hey, you can't do that!
Boy: What did you say?!
Kim in Ron’s Body: Um... um... er...
**Bully#1:[b/] Hold it, Stoppable. You know, you can't come this way.
Bully#2: Yeah, D-hall's been declared a loser-free zone. Loser free!
Bully#1: You forgetting something? My money.
Kim in Ron’s Body: What money?
Bully#2: You sound funnier than usual, Stoppable.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Um, um,... puberty.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Aargh!
Kim in Ron’s Body: Hi, Bonnie.
Bonnie: You little freako.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Ow!
Girl: Hi, Kim.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Can of corn.
Girl#2: Kim, we need you to decide on a font for the cover.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Er...
Girl#2: You're the only one we trust to make a decision everyone can love with.
Teacher#1: Kim, are you all prepared for tutoring at Middleton middle school next week?
Ron in Kim’s Body: Huh?
Teacher#2: Don't forget those banners you promised to paint, Possible. Deadline's Monday.
Bonnie: Kim, you are gonna do something about your hair and make-up before the regional’s
Girl#2: What about the font?!
Teacher#1: The tutoring?
Teacher#2: The banners?
Teacher#1: Kim?
Teacher#2: Kim?
Bonnie: Kim?
Girl#2: Kim?
All: Kim? Kim? Kim? Kim?
Ron in Kim’s Body: Tell me Wade found Drakken.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Oh! Problems?
Ron in Kim’s Body: Not really. No. No. I mean, how hard is it to be popular? You?
Kim in Ron’s Body: None. I wallowed in the low expectations.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Good.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Alright then!
Bonnie: Kim, come on, let's go.
Tara: East Side is so history!
Kim in Ron’s Body: I am so history.
Announcer: Hello and welcome to this year's Regional Cheer Final.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Wade, anything?
Wade: Sorry, Kim. Nothing on Drakken since you called one minute ago.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Keep me posted.
Wade: You'll be the first.
Announcer: First up, your own Middleton High Cheerleaders. You go, girls!
Rufus: Hoo!
Bonnie: Move!
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: Time to deliver my ultimatum. And just what is so funny?
Shego: Your voice, that body, it's not exactly the stuff of ultimatums.
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: Hmmm, very well. Declare me supreme ruler of Earth or I will neutronalise a
different major city every hour on the hour. That should do it.
Shego: What does neutronalize mean anyway?
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: I have no idea, but the military had it. It was top secret, that's good enough for me.
Wade: Got em’. Drakken did an excellent job covering his tracks, but he wanted his mail forwarded. The change of address shows him in some kind of time-share lair complex... suite 7B.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Oh, yeah, like he's just gonna leave the back door open.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Over there.
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: Oh! Issuing an ultimatum isn't what it used to be. Give
the world a deadline and what do you get? Nothing. Nada. Zip.
Shego: Gee, you think it had something to do with the puppet?
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: Rarrrg! They say Paris is lovely this time of year. Well, not any
more. Enter coordinates!
Kim in Ron’s Body: We've gotta move fast. Ron and I will draw Drakken and
Shego away, then you disarm the neutronalizer.
Ron in Kim’s Body: How come I finally get the chance to be you and I still end up the distraction?
Cleotis in Drakken’s Body: Um, Ms. Possible, I don't know the first thing about disarming the neutronalizer. I just guarded it.
Kim in Ron’s Body: OK, new plan.
[Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: No new plans! You're finished, Kim Possible.
Ron in Kim’s Body: (pretending to be Kim) But I'm Kim. Finish me!
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: Oh, please! I know all about your little switcheroo-buffoonish sidekick.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Don't insult him, he's got it hard enough. Trust me.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Me? You should try going through a day as Kim. The pressure's intense.
Drakken in Cleotis’s Body: What does this have to do with anything? Finish them both.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Wow, gimme a break here, I'm wearing a skirt!
Kim in Ron’s Body: Now you know what it's like!
Drakken: I want my body.
Cleotis in Darkken’s Body: Y'all can have it. It's ugly and it itches something fierce.
Shego: I got him! Her! I... whatever! I got him!
Drakken: Argh, there's no body like my body.
Cleotis: Oh, yes, sir, it's good to be home.
Henchman: Alright, let go.
Drakken: Shego, initiate neutronalizer firing sequence!
Shego: I don't think so.
Drakken: What?
Shego: Your brain thing blew out the power. Smooth move.
Drakken: Cheap rental lair! They know that I have excessive power
demands. Kim can't talk right now. Can I take a message?
Wade: Tell her the Army is on the way.
Drakken: The Army? Well, that's just dandy. Shego, activate the automatic self-destruct mechanism.
Shego: With pleasure.
Computer: Lair Self-Destruct initiated.
Kim in Ron’s Body: You can't just destroy this place.
Drakken: So I lose the security deposit. It's worth it.
Ron in Kim’s Body: It'll blow up the brain switcher We'll never get back to normal.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Ron, we'll be blown up, too.
Ron in Kim’s Body: Aw, man!
Drakken: Farewell, Kim Possible.
Computer: The lair will self-destruct in 60 seconds.
Ron in Kim’s Body: We're doomed!
Cleotis: No, we ain't.
Kim in Ron’s Body: Wade, we have no power a very little time. Thoughts?
Wade: The tri-lithium core I designed through the communicator packs a punch.
Ron in Kim’s Body: There's no way that little thing has enough power.
Kim in Ron’s Body: It's our only hope.
Computer: The lair will self-destruct in 30 seconds.
Kim: It worked! I'm me again.
Ron in Rufus’ Body: Er, guys, we have a problem.
Rufus: Big problem!
Computer: ...self-destruct in ten, nine...
Ron: Buddy!
Computer: ...two, one.
Cleotis: Best be getting out of here!
Ron: Good news, we're all back in our bods. Bad news, I think we neutronalized the neutronalizer.
Kim: Or not.
Cleotis: Did I neglect to mention that the neutronalizer is dang near indestructible?
Ron: I know someone like that.
Kim: Back at ya, brain-switch boy.
Kim: It feels great to be myself again.
Ron: I could not take another day of...
Bully#1: Hey, Stoppable!
Ron: Oh, no is this D-hall?
Bully#1: Dude, here's that money I've been, er, holding for you since kindergarten.
Bully#2: Hey, got this new video game. Enjoy!
Ron: What just happened?
Kim: While I was still in your body, I went back to D Hall. Gave some sensitivity training. No big.