Mathter and Fervent

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By wallaceb
Barkin: Aright people I think you can see the point of this little presentation.
Ron: Uh, you’re trying to show us how not to use a slide projector?
Barkin: Ahh! I knew the school should have pent their budget updating the AV equipment instead of those stupid voice activated lights.
Computer: Lights.
Barkin: The point is that all of these people were heroes, now your English assignment is to…
Kim: Interview and do a paper on a hero in our own lives?
Barkin: Right…
Computer: Lights.
Barkin: Lights. I said lights!
Computer: Lights.
Ron: Hero eh? Oh the Ron man has this one in the bag.
Barkin: And no, you can’t interview the person you are dating.
Ron: Brutal. How do you sleep at nights?
Computer: Lights.
Barkin: He said night, not lights!
Computer: Lights. Lights.
Barkin: Ah, I hate that stupid thing.
Computer: Ring, activating school bell.
Ron: I mean what can be more heroic than a big time rocket scientist?
Kim: Ok one, he is my dad and two, I just told you he was my hero.
Ron: Great minds think alike.
Kim: Great minds think for themselves.
Ron: Which is why I’ll be writing my paper on your mom. Brain surgeon, life saver, heroic.
Kim: Out of town, Nero-science convention. You know I’m not the only one with parents Ron.
Ron: Mom swore off School projects after the paper merchette incident.
Kim: Don’t you mean paper machete?
Ron: I wish I did Kim, I wish I did.
Kim: What about your dad?
Ron: What about him? He-he, hey there dad. I need serious KP I need a realistic suggestions.
Kim: Ron, there’s gotta be something heroic about your father?
Ron: I can’t write a paper about my dad the actuary. He crunches numbers all day. Who wants to read about math in English? Uh, stress over load kicking in. me need brain food.
Rufus: Yea-yea-yea!
Ron: Hmm oh yea, I fell smarter already.
Kim: Hmm, the cheese must be kicking in. So any ideas for your hero that aren’t in my DNA line?
Ron: My dad!?
Kim: See, I knew you’d come around.
Ron: No I mean he’s here, and he’s wearing a cape.
Mr. Stoppable: Hello son.
Ron: Dad, what are you doing here in a place where I know many people, and am wanting to dive under a table because you are sporting a cape.
Mr. Stoppable: OH I was just in the neighborhood.
Ron: In a cape?
Mr. Stoppable: Visual thinking son. To help you realize who the real hero is in your life.
Ron: You mean the hero that’s been in front of me all along, only I’ve been too blind to see it.
Mr. Stoppable: exactly, I thought the cape might help jog your memory.
Ron: A man whose accomplishments I’ve admired for as long as I could remember.
Mr. Stoppable: Well, I’m a modest man.
Ron: Martin Smarty!
Mr. Stoppable: Right. Wait… who?
Ron: The founder of Smarty Mart.
Mr. Stoppable: Oh.
Ron: Yea see dad, the cape although utterly embarrassing reminded that one of Mr. Smarty’s many mansions is located in Cape Cod!
Mr. Stoppable: I see.
Ron: Rock on dad!
Mr. Stoppable: Sure. You… you’re welcome son.
Kim: Ron, you think your dad was hoping to be your hero?
Ron: Well he sure saved the day!
Kim: Wade can you put us through to our hero Martin Smarty?
Wade: I thought you were writing about your dad.
Kim: I am, the hook ups’ for Ron.
Wade: If Ron’s not writing about his dad, then, what’s with the cape?
Ron: You know about the cape?
Wade: Police scanner, someone at Bueno Nacho must have called security. Oh hey you’re on.
Mr. Smarty: This is Martin.
Ron: Uh hi, Mr. Smarty Sir I’m sorry to bother you.
Mr. Smarty: Oh Ronald, what’s on your mind?
Ron: Well, you see, I’m doing a paper on my personal hero, and well, I’d like to interview you, you know if that’s ok.
Mr. Smarty: Oh certainly, I’d be delighted.
Ron: A-boo-ya! I mean sorr… a-bo-ya! Sir. So, where should we start?
Mr. Smarty: Tell you what, I think I can schedule you in say three months?
Ron: Yea… uh the paper’s kinda due next week.
Mr. Smarty: Sorry we couldn’t do business son, gotta hop off, you know how demanding the life of a wealthy corporate logo can be.
Ron: Not a clue.
Kim: How’s the hero hunt going?
Ron: Gotta be honest KP, I’m not liking the whole back to square one sitch
Bonnie: I go what?! And he goes… wait, I’m losing you. I said he goes… no! He goes! He goes! Eh, never mind I’ll text you. He… goes…
Ron: Wait a minute. That’s it!
Kim: What, Bonnie, a hero?! Uh I know you’re getting desperate but.
Ron: No not Bonnie, ew! Hego!
Kim: So, Shego’s brother huh?
Ron: The man’s a benefited bon-digity hero. I mean he’s got the tights and everything.
Kim: I’m sure your father would ware tights if he thought it would help.
Ron: If my dad shows up at Bueno Nacho in tights I’m going to have to switch to Cow & Chow for life.
Hego: I don’t want to be a complex boy-boy-boy-boy, boy-boy-boy.
Kim: He’s your hero.
Hego: Oh hi, just doing the hero diet thing.
Bananas, healthy, loaded with potassium, yellow.
Ron: Uh yea… look, sorry to interrupt me time Hego, but I really need your help.
Hego: Team Go is sworn to assist in any conundrum.
Kim: Um, where are the rest of Team Go?
Hego: Heroes Cruise. I opted to stay here and you hold down the fort.
Kim: Couldn’t get anyone to switch your shift at Bueno Nacho huh?
Hego: Sometimes having a mild mannered alter ego isn’t all its cracked up to be.
Ron: Ok, so um, I need to write a paper on my hero and um…
Hego: The old hero topic eh? Say no more. Now let me begin my mentioning being a hero carries with it a plethora of responsibilities. That’s p-l-e-t-h… are you getting this down? It’s the Mayor!
Kim: No really?
Mayor: Looks like we’ve got a situation here Hego. Your old numerical nemesis is scaring the spit out of the citizens of Go City.
Hego: You don’t mean…
Mayor: Yes Hego, the Mathter.
Ron: The Mathter?
Kim: Ron don’t make fun, he meats the master.
Hego: No, he means the Mathter.
Mayor: That’s’ what I said isn’t it? The Mathter.
Ron: See?
Kim: Um ok, so what exactly is a Mathter?
Ron: He’s like a homework villain?
Hego: Take heed, the man in front of you is not to be taken lightly. He’s been bent on revenge ever since Go City denied him funding for is unethical mathematical experiments.
Ron: Unethical mathematical experiments?
Kim: Right. So maybe you could use a hand with this um… math villain guy?
Hego: Ok but we better hurry before the Mathter does a number on Go City.
Kim: Yes, number, I get it.
Ron: Hey, hey wait wait! What about my interview? Ok so tell me, how long does your basic average hero career last?
Mathter: Now witness as I proceed to subtract Go City element by element until it is no longer a factor.
Kim: Math threats?
Hego: Stand back, there’s no telling what the Mathter has up his sleeve.
Ron: Grr, I always knew math was the enemy.
Mathter: Time to add the calcu-laser to this equation.
Woman: Get out of the way!
Hego: Fear not citizens help has arrived.
Mathter: Ha! New sidekicks Hego? No matter, coefficients, subtract them!
Ron: Ok, I’m a sidekick, admittedly, but she’s… well you’ll see. Wow, now that was superbly heroic man! What do you call that move?
Hego: I’m not sure.
Ron: Come on, I’m gunna need your cooperation if this is going to be any kind of hard hitting interview.
Hego: Sorry, but I have some of my own hard hitting to do right now.
Ron: Oh nice play on words big guy and under pressure too, that is so going in the paper.
Mathter: Oh, can’t count on anyone these days. Let me throw some number at you.
Hego: Four!
Mathter: These atta get my point across. My decimal point!
Ron: Ok question: is there like a school people go to too take hero classes? Hey!
Mathter: Oh brackets! It seems I need to add a new element to my assault.
Ron: Good medical for you know heroes? Hey! That costs twenty bucks!
Mathter: NO! no, no, no! No variables. I’m putting a place holder in my memory for you boy; this isn’t the last you’ve seen of the Mathter!
Kim: Ok, lame villain.
Ron: But I like the hat.
Mrs. Stoppable: Ronald, do you know what’s gotten into your father lately?
Ron: Can’t talk, typing hero report.
Mrs. Stoppable: First the cape, now he’s joined the Middleton Search and Rescue. It’s risky behavior for an actuary.
Ron: Hadn’t noticed.
Mrs. Stoppable: I just hate to think about him in the wilderness with all those wild animals.
Ron: Eh he’ll be fine.
Mr. Stoppable: Help! Heeelllp!
Ron: Hey, hey, No, no, you can’t crash now! My report! No my report!
Rufus: Ow, ow, ow!
Ron: Oh man, like I have time for a systems failure, I’m late for school as it is. Can you believe it KP? Just when I was making major headway, crash city! I mean what am I gunna tell…
Barkin: Hold it right there Stoppable.
Ron: Mr. Barkin.
Barkin: What exactly do you think you are doing?
Ron: Uh, dutifully heading to class.
Barkin: Really? Well according to my records you are no longer registered in this school and there for no longer in the class.
Ron: Ok,you think you can explain that a little further?
Barkin: Do I have to spell it out for you?
Kim: Spelling out’s best.
Barkin: You, Ron Stoppable, are not on the list of enrolled students so technically you do not exist.
Ron: Wait a minute, of course I exist, I mean hello? I’m right here in front of you.
Barkin: So I smell. But the list is law, and I am not going to argue with the computer, maybe it knows something I don’t.
Ron: No doubt, but oh wait a minute so if I’m not in the class, then I’m not required to do the paper right?
Barkin: Wroonnnnga! You were given the assignment when you still existed, now if I were you; I’d utilize my newly found free time to get to work!
Kim: Don’t worry Ron, it’s probably just a glitch in the system. We’ll straiten it out before you can say no big.
Ron: I don’t know KP, first the computer thing and the school records I mean could….
Kim: This day get any worse? It will if you say that.
Ron: Hi, do you think I can get my check? Stoppable, Ron.
Guy: Yea, sorry there is no check here for you.
Kim: Here we go.
Ron: What? Well can you look again? The name’s Ron as in Stoppable.
Guy: Whoa dude, aren’t you listening? I told you there’s no check, as in for you.
Kim: Maybe thinking it is enough?
Guy: Oh and what do you know? It looks like you’re not on the employee roster either, so on your next visit it might be best if you returned your Smarty Mart hat and vest.
Ron: But I work here!
Guy: Ok, but not according to the roster, but if you like you can fill out an application.
Ron: Maybe I don’t exist and this is all a dream? But whose dream?
Kim: Ok that does it, Wade, it looks like we’ve got a mystery sitch, it looks like Ron’s off the grid.
Wade: I’m already on it. Uh-oh.
Ron: Uh-oh good, or uh-oh bad?
Kim: When is uh-oh ever good?
Ron: I don’t know, maybe this time?
Wade: No school record, no driving record, no work records, nada, it’s like all traces of his existence have been erased.
Ron: Uh-oh still bad.
Kim: But who would want to erase Ron?
Mathter: Don’t you mean subtract?
Ron: Oh great, now the math guy’s back.
Kim: And he’s not even our villain.
Hego’s voice as Mego: We’re so sorry you couldn’t come with us on the Heroes Vacation cruise Hego.
Hego: Oh it’s ok Mego they’ll be other cruises, other joyous occasions to bond as a family.
Hego’s voice as Wego: But we really do miss you Hego.
Hego: I know Wego, but someone had to look after the place, you know, keep vigil, do some house cleaning… I am so lonely.
Wade: Uh Hego?
Hego: Oh hi yes. Oh don’t mind these, just a standard hero pass time. Keeps the fingers nimble. One two, one two, one two.
Wade: Right. Anyways I thought you should know the Mathter is up to more mathematical mischief in Middleton.
Hego: Oo, impressive use of alliteration. I’m on my way. Sorry guys, duty calls.
Mathter: Tres! Oh why don’t you just relax and have some Pi?
Ron: Kim!
Mathter: Now it’s your turn to feel the wrath of my math.
Ron: Ok um, sure could use, I don’t know, a hero right about now.
Mathter: Now prepare to be subtracted entirely because…
Ron: Because what? My numbers up?
Mathter: Oh yes!
Ron: Dude, how could you be so heaped up about math? Not that I’m judging.
Mathter: Oh yes, I’ve worked out a very special calculation for you my meddling little friend.
Kim: That’s right math freak, no body messes with my boyfriend.
Mathter: Never the less, you’ll soon discover that I’ve left your boyfriend with a new problem to solve.
Hego: Fear not, Hego is here.
Kim: Ok, you might want to work on your timing. Are those seas horses?
Mathter: Oh now there are just too many variables in this equation.
Ron: Oh I got to get hooked up with one of those copter hats!
Kim: Ron, are you ok?
Ron: Seem to be. “Calcu-laser” yea what ever.
Hego: You hadn’t happen to noticed what settings the Mather affixing his weapon to any special setting did you?
Ron: Um not really why? Ah! Hey wow! Ok so why the exploding?
Hego: Oh no, it’s just as I feared.
Kim: And you feared what?
Hego: Do you want the good news or bad news first?
Kim: Surprise me.
Hego: The Mather has used a diabolical equation to turn Ron into an anti-matter boy.
Ron: Awesome!
Hego: Everything you touch will explode into complete and utter nothingness.
Ron: So that’s not the good news then?
Kim: What is?
Hego: Hanging with Ron will be a blast.
Ron: Oh it’s wet!
Kim: Ok, not blown away by the up side. Thanks foe setting us up with a kicking anti anti-matter containment bubble dad. Just another reason why you’re my hero.
Mr. Dr. P: Anything for my Kimmie cub. Besides this old thing was just taking up space in the attic anyway.
Ron: Grr, I always thought hamster balls looked fun from the out side.
Kim: Wade and Hego are on the Mathter hunt Ron, just try to make the best of it for now ok? Hey Wade, good news?
Wade: No word on the Mathter yet, but I was able to enter Ron’s info back into the global network.
Ron: Great, I can go back to school in a ball. Oh yea this is how I roll!
Kim: Ok um, maybe the whole trying to act cool thing isn’t your best option right now.
Ron: Look KP, you wanted me to make the best of it didn’t you?
Bonnie: No, it’s too easy.
Ron: The most humiliating day of my life, a-ding-ding-ding we have a new winner.
Kim: What about the time you parachuted into the UN without your pants?
Ron: Not even close. The “I’m all about comfort” brought the security counsel dress code into the 21st century.
Kim: See, there’s an upside to everything. We need an upside Wade.
Wade: Then you’re in luck, I’ve detected a high concentration of computational energy on the equator. Zero degrees longitude, zero degrees latitude, which would place the Mathter’s HQ here. Hego should be by any minute in the Go Car to pick you up.
Kim: Thanks Wade, we can use all the hero help we can get.
Ron: Whoa dad, what happened to you?
Mr. Stoppable: Didn’t I tell you? Today I volunteered at the fire department.
Kim: Seriously! Like in the field?
Mr. Stoppable: No in the kitchen. I made them lunch.
Kim: Then how did you….
Mr. Stoppable: Oh I um, started a grease fire. So what’s with the bubble?
Ron: Yea, oh ok ride’s here dad, wish us luck. A little help Kim! Don’t wait up dad.
Mr. Stoppable: Wait I want to help!
Ron: Dad?
Mr. Stoppable: Listen Ronald, I’m not letting you go without me, no one puts my boy in a bubble.
Ron: Uh, no capes?
Mr. Stoppable: Deal. So, this is what a villain’s lair looks like, I wonder if he’s self insured?
Hego: Shh, be extremely cautious the Mathter has many tricks up his sleeve and our next step could very well be our last.
Kim: You so asked for this.
Hego: We need a shield!
Kim: Use Ron!
Ron: What? Hey whoa!
Kim: Now the last hallway doesn’t seem so bad.
Ron: What are we gunna do?
Kim: Hego, roll Ron after my lead, Mr. S, stick with the bug guy.
Mr. Stoppable: Got it.
Kim: Rufus, do what ever it is you do. The calcu-laser!
Ron: Look, it’s in a bubble too!
Kim: Come on, we have to change Ron back to normal before the Mathter makes an appearance.
Mathter: Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here. Now we can continue our little numbers game.
Kim: Ok one more lamo math reference and I’m gunna loose it!
Mathter: Perhaps I can enlighten you with my flash cards.
Kim: Let me guess. Yep, that was my guess. Game’s over Mathter.
Mathter: Minus that girly. We’re just getting started. What you fail to realize is that we are standing in the culmination of my mathematical genius. The infinity dome! In this experimental cognitive redoubling chamber cerebral pulsations and thought waves can be exponentially intensified to form lethal streams of energy.
Ron: Dome… right… what?
Mr. Stoppable: He can turn his twisted math mind into a weapon Ronald.
Mathter: Very good, now who amongst you dares to challenge the Mathter at his own game?
Kim: Sorry, I prefer to do things the old fashioned way.
Hego: Kim No!
Mathter: That was so cute, two easy. No body is worthy to stand in the same experimental cognitive energy redoubling chamber as the Mathter, prepare to be subtracted.
Mr. Stoppable: Uh excuse me, I’ll take that challenge.
Ron: Dad no!
Mr. Stoppable: Ronald, crunching numbers is what I do.
Mathter: Oh and what kind of hero are you?
Mr. Stoppable: I’m no hero, I’m actuary of the year.
Kim: Ok, did you have any idea your dad had it in him?
Ron: No, but then again, who knew we’d be facing a crazed math villain?
Kim: Yep so convenient.
Ron: See, they should totally teach this when in trig!
Kim: Totally.
Ron: Come on dad, you are a hero!
Mathter: How? How were you ever able to calculate my every move?
Mr. Stoppable: It was easy, I did the math.
Mathter: Brackets.
Ron: Boo-ya dad! Way to teach the bad guy stoppable style!
Kim: Speaking of stoppable style, let’s see if I can get this thing to work.
Ron: hey hey, alright! Whoa! Oh hey yea, that’s nice.
Kim: I was starting to thing I’d never get to do that again.
Ron: Hey buddy, you know from now on, no hamster balls for either of us.
Hego: Well, I guess I’ll take it from here. And don’t worry Ron, as soon as this mess is cleared up, I’ll be more than happy to help with the rest of your paper.
Ron: Sorry Hego, looks like I found myself a new subject for my paper.
Mr. Stoppable: You mean it? I’ll get my cape.
Ron: No capes!
Barkin: Interesting report you handed in there Stoppable. Your dad, A.K.A hero, is a uh Member of the Middleton Search and Rescue?
Ron: Yep.
Barkin: Also volunteers and the local fire department.
Ron: Affirmative.
Barkin: And while in the confines of a certain infinity dome he can convert pure mathematical thought into energy that fire out of his skull?
Ron: Yea, it’s an actuary thing.
Barkin: I see, your dad rocks! A+!