Low Budget

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By wallaceb
Kim: Thanks for helping with my marine biology paper, Jerry.
Jerry: After all you have done to help us save the manatees, it's the least I could do, Kim.
Rufus: Waahhhh! What?!
Ron: Giant amphibious naked mole rat! One o'clock!
Kim: Ron, that's a manatee.
Jerry: Punjab is harmless.
Guy #1: Woo-hoo! Alright!
Jerry: I wish I could say the same for the other locals.
Ron: Those guys almost ran over Punjab!
Rufus: Pppthhhhhh!
Kim: I'll talk to them. Ugh! Hey, boys! This is a wildlife preserve!
Guy #1: Girlie, we are the wildlife! She's gotta fix her make-up.
Earl: Because we're so good-looking!
Kim: Hmm. Not quite.
Guy #1: Earl, what's she doing? Help! I can't swim!
Ron: Way to go, KP! Take a victory lap!
Jerry: Not a good idea!
Ron: Argh! Not a sea cow! Not a sea cow! Don't worry, KP. I'll save you. Well, doughnuts always fill me up! Swim, Kimmie!
Kim: Argh! Tell it to me straight. It's bad, right?
Ron: Sorry. The pants are DOA.
Kim: They were brand new Club Banana! Quick! Where's the closest mall?
Jerry: Miami. But don't worry. There's one store in town that has everything you need.
Kim: Smarty Mart?
Ron: Where smart shoppers shop smart.
Kim: But it's so discounty.
Ron: I know! It's great, isn't it!
Clerk: A big Smarty Marty how dee! Need a map?
Ron: She needs pants.
Kim: But not to wear. Just to have. Because this is an emergency and, well, otherwise, believe me... I wouldn't even be here.
Clerk: Emergency pants! Aisle ten. Happy Smarty Mart shopping.
Ron: You know, Smarty Mart is a perfectly respectable place to shop. It's where I bought Rufus.
Ron and Rufus: Awe! Aisle 16!
Kim: I'm not shopping for livestock, OK? I need pants. As in fashion. As in not Smarty Mart!
Ron: I buy clothes at Smarty Mart.
Rufus: Mhm!
Kim: Ewww!
Ron: What?!
Cashier: That'll be $5.99.
Ron: Ten times less than you'd pay for the same pants at Club Banana.
Kim: So not the same!
Ron: You're such a retail snob.
Kim: Please, I am so not! Now can we get home before the Middleton Mall closes?
Ron: Fine. Smarty Mart never closes.
Kim: Ron!
Ron: Nothing.
Kim: OK. Target in sight. Ready, Ron? ...Ron?
Ron: Steal Toe vs. Pain King.
Kim: Ron! We're on an important mission here!
Ron: How's buying the same pair of pants you are currently wearing a mission?
Kim: Hello! Smarty Mart pants and Club Banana pants are so not the same. Now can we leave before someone sees me?
Bonnie: Hi, Kim. Nice pants. Double coupon day at Smarty Mart?
Kim: Haven't you heard, Bonnie? Discount is the new vintage.
Bonnie: I can't wait to tell the rest of the squad! Kim Possible is a Smarty Mart shopper!
Kim: See? No-one cares that my pants were ten times less expensive if they're not the same!
Ron: Relax, KP! Don't let Bonnie Rockwaller get your cheap pants in a bunch.
Frugal: Hello, world. I am Frugal Lucar.
Ron: Who's that?
Frugal: Please, listen closely.
Kim: Freaky freak of the week.
Frugal: I may not have a million dollar laser weapon, or a pricy robot army, but I have something those big-budget bad guys lack.
Ron: Cheesy accent?
Frugal: Computer skills. In 24 hours, the Internet as you know it will cease to exist. That's right! Yea Huh u, That?s Right!
Ron: Nice 'stache!
Frugal: The information super highway will crash. ...Unless everyone in the world sends me a dollar. Or the equivalent at the current rate of exchange. To prove I mean business,
I have sent you all a little e-mail.
Kim: What's the sitch, Wade? Wade?
Ron: You don't think that guy...?
Kim: Nuh.
Ron: Must need new batteries. You have pants! Ask for batteries.
Kim: You don't understand. I need these pants!
Cashier: Yeah, no. Registers are down.
Kim: What?!
Cashier: Somebody whammed the computer system with a gazillion e-cards. Jerk!
Ron: Frugal Lucar!
Cashier: Yeah! Toasted everything. Even Smarty Mart.
Kim: Smarty Mart? Why would you mention Smarty Mart?
Cashier: Because Club Banana and Smarty Mart are owned by the same company. Duh!
Ron: Oh, I suppose that's why the merchandise is exactly the same!
Cashier: No. There's a huge difference.
Ron: Wow! How did I miss that?
Kim: Thanks to this Frugal Lucar, I've got to go home and change!
Cashier: Whatever.
Ron: Retail snob!
Kim: Shut ut!
Kim: Here, Mom. For the rag bin.
Mrs. Dr P: Kim, these pants look brand new.
Kim: Brand new from Smarty Mart!
Ron: Discount phobia.
Mrs. Dr P: I'm surprised at you, Kim. You know labels don't matter.
Mr. Dr P: You know, some of the other guys at the lab only use brand-name heat shields, but do I fall for that kind of elitism? You bet I don't. Not as long as the generic shields are just as good at half the price.
Kim: You don't wear heat shields, Dad.
Mr. Dr P: Well, no. Unless you were tunneling to the earth's core then you wish you'd wearing them!
Kim: Ugh! Wade, where have you been?
Wade: My computer was down. Frugal Lucar strikes again!
Ron: Who is this freak?
Wade: No clue. The broadcast came from, like, 3,000 places at once. But I may have a lead. There was a strange voice in the background.
Kim: That's a start. Playback time?
Frugal: In 24 hours, the Internet as you know it will cease to exist. That's it. Yes. Yes. That's right. That's right. The information super highway will crash.
Kim: Can you strip out Frugal?
Wade: It won't be easy, but... done!
Kim: Maybe a little more base.
Ron: And scratch in a chanting monk. ...What? It'd be cool!
Kim: Shippers?
Wade: Maybe he's at a shipping yard?
Ron: Something tells me I've heard this voice before. Slow it down a tad.
Voice: Attention, Smarty Mart shoppers.
Ron: Attention Smarty Mart shoppers! Lucar was broadcasting from a Smarty Mart!
Kim: What kind of self-respecting villain threatens the world from Smarty Mart?
Frugal: And so, billions of dollar bills will soon be mine! Ha-Ha-Ha! No. Ah-uh. No. No. That's not sinister enough. OK. OK, maybe if I do the eyebrow thing.
Boss: Lerman! Your 15 is over!
Frugal: Oh, sorry, boss. Scary look. Oh, I'm gonna use that. Ha-Ha-Ha!
Bonnie: Nice shirt, Kim. Five for 99 cents?
Kim: Hum!
Ron: You know, we could just send this guy his money. Compared to most evil demands, a dollar per person is a bargain.
Kim: Cost is so not the issue, Ron. Stopping Lucar is a point of pride.
Ron: Because you always have to get your bad guy?
Kim: Because I need to shop. Wade, inform me.
Wade: No luck. Lucar's broadcast could have originated from any Smarty Mart in the country. And there's a lot of them.
Ron: 3,000 nation wide, with a new store opening every week. This week, Poughkeepsie.
Kim: Why do you know that? ...Never mind. Give me a freeze-frame on Lucar, Wade. Cheap, fake beards. Aisle nine.
Wade: I can digitize it out.
Kim: Now, we crosscheck this photo with the store personnel files. And I'm back in business for Club Banana.
Wade: Great idea, but Smarty Mart security is tight. It'll have to be an inside job.
Ron: Inside? As in?
Wade: Plug the communicator directly into a Smarty Mart personnel computer.
Kim: Which would be...?
Wade: In any Smarty Mart store.
Ron: Boo-yah! I need shampoo and underwear.
Rufus: Yippee!
Kim: Ugh! At least I can return the pants.
Kim: If you see anyone who could possibly know anyone we might know, cover me.
Oscar: Ronny! A big Smarty Mart howdy to you. And who's your mysterious friend?
Ron: Oscar, this is Kim. Now I know this is sound crazy, but she doesn't want anyone to know she shops here.
Kim: I don't shop here.
Oscar: Then you don't shop smart. Next month's circular. Advanced copy.
Ron: Five pounds of marshmallows for a dollar?! How do they do it, Oscar?
Oscar: Two words, Ronny. Volume and volume.
Kim: I hate to drag you away from the bargain hunt, but we're on a non marshmallow related mission.
Ron: But Kim, these prices! They're out of control!
Kim: I'll find the personnel office. You return these, OK?
Ron: Right. I'm on it, KP. I'm focused.
Announcement: Attention Smarty Mart shoppers. Brainstorm in aisle eight. For the next ten minutes, Pop Pop Poter's pizza bagels are two for a dollar.
Ron: We are so there!
Kim: Oof!
Mascot: Howdy, smart shopper! Are you lost?
Kim: No. Me? Just browsing.
Mascot: OK, then.
Kim: Dumb brain. One mystery villain identity coming up.
**Toy:[b/] Z Boy Hungry!
Personnel Manager: Ooops.
Kim: Oh, there's my contact lens.
Ron: What could be taking her so long? Maybe we would better see if Kim needs our help. Or a new set of shop towels on sale for $3.99!
Rufus: What a deal!
Personnel Manager: Very good, Miss Possible. Not many people realize that light bulbs are house wares and hardware.
Kim: There is a fine line.
Personnel Manager: How's minimum wage, plus all the recently expired canned goods you can carry sound?
Kim: A job? At Smarty Mart? I don't know what to say.
Personnel Manager: Did you hear that?
Kim: Hear what?
Personnel Manager: That beeping.
Kim: Oh, that sounds like it's coming from...
Personnel Manager: From my computer.
Kim: Oh, that's mine. You know it can store up to 300 CDs?
Personnel Manager: Ah! MP3 player. Aisle seven. Or is it eight?
Kim: I bought it at Smarty Mart online.
Personnel Manager: Free shipping on orders over $25!
Kim: Yeah! It's spankin'.
Personnel Manager: Wait! You need a name tag!
Ron: I know I don't have a car, but I can't resist these prices!
Kim: Ron! I got a match! Frugal Lucar is Francis Lerman.
Ron: Francis?! No wonder the dude's twisted!
Kim: We've only got a few hours to get to Philadelphia before the dollar deadline. Philadelphia, huh? So we'll need wheels!
Kim: Come on, you Smarty Mart shopper!
Ron: By the way, no cash back without a receipt, but credit's good at any Smarty Mart nation wide.
Kim: Oh, goody! Thanks for the ride, Polly.
Polly: what are you kiddin'? You campaigned for alternate-side-of-the-street parking awareness saved my life over there.
Kim: What's 10,000 windshield flyers? No big!
Kim: On three.
Kim and Ron: One. Two. Three.
Ron: Argh! Hit the dirt!
Kim: Hi, Mrs. Lerman. Is Francis home?
Mrs. Lerman: Francis didn't tell me he had friends coming. I would have made more toaster tasties.
Kim: We thought we'd surprise him.
Mrs. Lerman: He'll be thrilled. He's in the basement. Go down and make yourselves at home.
Kim: We will. Shh! Looks like someone's been using his employee discount.
Frugal: Kim Possible. we meet at last! Oh, this is so cool!
Ron: Drop it, mama's boy!
Frugal: Am not! Don't come any closer. This thing's loaded!
Kim: With what?
Frugal: Beef bouillon. Ever try to get the smell out? You can't!
Kim: Ew!
Ron: He's right, Kim. Do what he says.
Mrs. Lerman: I thought you kids might be thirsty, so I brought juice sips.
Frugal: Ma! I'm with my friends!
Mrs. Lerman: Sorry, Francis. Could I get anyone some chips or pretzels?
Kim and Ron: No, thank you, Mrs. Lerman.
Frugal: I suppose you're here to stop me? But you're too late! Soon the world's fortune will be mine!
Ron: Fortune?
Kim: You only asked for a dollar per person.
Frugal: As we say at Smarty Mart, every dollar counts.
Kim: Oh, please! Face it, Lucar. You're not a real villain. You're a... a?bargain bad guy.
Frugal: Just cos I'm budget conscious, doesn't mean I'm not as evil as the other villains. Sure! They have henchmen and their fancy lairs, but I deliver the exact same evil at a fraction of the cost. Observe.
Kim and Ron: Hey!
Frugal: This is when I should reveal my evil plan, right?
Kim: Go ahead.
Frugal: Behold! Frugal Lucar's world!
Ron: Small world, Francis!
Frugal: It was a close-out. Now, every Smarty affiliate is connected via the Internet, right? Well, all it takes to release a commerce-crippling virus is this.
Kim: Ham-in-can?
Frugal: Vienna sausages. I altered the UPC code to act as the virus trigger. When it's scanned through checkout, my virus will be launched from every single Smarty Mart at the same time. Goodbye e-mail. Nice to know you, chat rooms. Sayonara, online shopping!
Kim: You are planning to destroy the Internet with an old can of meat?
Frugal: Yes, I get expired food free and death rays are expensive. And just in case you try anything cute...
Kim: Snapping turtles?
Ron: Aisle ten. Next to the goldfish.
Frugal: And they're hungry.
Ron: Well, he has the laugh down.
Rufus: Ugghhh.
Kim: Come on, Rufus. Pretend it's string cheese. And hello! Do you have to chew so loud?!
Ron: If you want to fall into a pit of snapping turtles, be my guest.
All: Whoa! Argh! Umph!
Kim: Maybe next time he'll spring for piranha. Come on! We've got to find that can of expired sausages.
Rufus: Mmmmm!
Frugal: And now, an evil genius's fortune is mine! Ha-Ha-Ha! Oh! Argh! $17.28! Argh! Alright! That's it. Citizens of the world, you have failed. It would have bowed to my will, it would have cost you mere dollar. Five minutes from now, I'll destroy the Internet and cost you millions. So, if anyone still wants to send that dollar, do it now, OK?
Mob: I ain't givin' you no dollar...No way...
Frugal: Little does she know...
Oscar: Howdy and welcome to Smarty Mart, where...
Kim: ...smart shoppers shop smart. I get it, OK?
Ron: Kim!
Kim: OK, Lucar! Cough up the sausages.
Ron: Ew! Rephrase, please.
Frugal: You're too late. My Vienna surprise is already in place. Observe. The Internet will be destroyed in three. Two. One. But... Wha... Wha... Oh. No! That can't be.
Kim: She must have put it back on the shelf.
Ron: Canned meat. Aisle 22.
Kim: I don't even want to think about how you know that. OK, Frugal Lucar planted his Internet virus on an expired can.
Ron: And Smarty Mart's policy states if it's expired, it's retired. So it should be easy to find.
Kim: Oh, boy!
Frugal: Attention, Smarty Mart shoppers! We're having a brainstorm in aisle 22. Vienna sausages. Ten cans for a dollar!
Ron: That was fast.
Kim: I'll find Lucar. You find the can.
Ron: I'm on it.
Kim: OK... creepy. Give it up, Lucar!
Frugal: Never!
Kim: Aaaargh! Omph! Ugh!
Frugal: Agh!
Ron: Try non-fat turkey dogs. Can have that? Thank you. No, Can't have this. Sorry. Must be 18 years or older. Ooo, have you tried devilled ham? It's zesty!
Rufus: Hmm... Uph.
Kim: These aren't half bad. Umph! Can I borrow this? Please and thank you.
Ron: Sir, the future of the Internet's in your hands. Just give me the sausages, and nobody gets hurt.
Man: Not at the prices, bargain boy!
Ron: Wow! Look at the price on that process cheese!
Man: Oh, the cheese!
Ron: 1999. Kim! I got the can!
Kim: And I got Lucar! Umph!
Oscar: Thanks for shopping at Smarty Mart.
Frugal: Umph! Argh!
Oscar: Up against the wall, dirt bag. Move! Move! Move!
Ron: These are still pretty good. And what an interesting color.
Kim: I gotta admit, Lucar. Your bargain-brand villainy was right up there with big-budget evil.
Frugal: You might have stopped me this time, Kim Possible. But Frugal Lucar will return. If my mom bails me out.
Ron: $1.50 for a soft pretzel! Cafeteria lady must think I'm made of money!
Kim: Pretzels are on sale two for a dollar at Smarty Mart.
Ron: No way, KP!
Kim: The store manager was so grateful; he gave me a $100 gift certificate. And it really is silly to pay designer label prices for the same stuff. Unless you're paying for a really really super cool pair of boots like these!
Ron: You mean these boots right here?
Kim: Ron, they aren't exactly the same. Look! Smarty Mart boots come in black. Club Banana's are onyx.
Ron: Urgh!