Job Unfair

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By wallaceb
Drakken: Don't be fooled by chrome plating and free doughnuts, Shego. These salesmen can smell first-time buyers like sharks smell blood.
Shego: Yeah. How about if I do the talking?
Drakken: Not a chance. Now watch a master at work. Ooh! Shiny!
Shego: And cue the sharks.
Salesman: Beautiful, isn't it? Welcome to Wacky Wally's Weather Machines. Doughnut? They're free.
Drakken: You sold me.
Salesman: First-time weather-machine buyer?
Drakken: Yes, but I have done my research.
Salesman: Hu-um yea sure. What are you planning to use the machine for?
Drakken: By harnessing the power of an ice storm, I will obliterate...
Shego: Whoa. We'd rather not get into the details.
Salesman: Super villain am I right?
Drakken: Is it the blue skin? Because I get that a lot.
Salesman: Hey, our weather machines are perfectly legal. How you use them... That's your business, eh? Try one. I can see you're a discerning customer. Nothing says doomsday machine like the 3,000 LXS. Hurricane-grade winds, water-vapor compressor. It makes the perfect storm even better.
Drakken: Heated seats?
Salesman: Standard.
Drakken: We'll take it!
Salesman: Great! Hey, why don't we step into the office to discuss our financing options?
Drakken: No, I mean we'll take it. Shego!
Salesman: Yeah!
Drakken: Thanks for the doughnuts!
Man: On either side of the gymnasium, you'll find representatives of many exciting career choices.
Kim: OK.
Man: And now we will present a short video. Making Your Career Take Flight.
Kim: Just a brochure's good, thanks.
Ron: And more peanuts.
Kim: Check that off. What exciting career should we scope out next?
Rufus: Huh? Yikes!
Ron: Yeah, nix on the veterinarian. Bad memories. Cold hands. So you have to hang with the mentor for a whole week?
Kim: Ron, it's a great opportunity. A mentor can be a huge inspiration.
Ron: I don't know, KP, it seems to me... Whoa! A jelly-doughnut stuffer! Teach me dude!
Barkin: Listen up, people! It's time to pair up with one of the volunteer mentors here today. Choose carefully. Your entire future could well hinge on this decision. You have two minutes.
Kim: But we haven't talked to half the people yet.
Ron: Two words, KP. Doesn't matter.
Kim: International diplomacy. That's it. Excuse me. Sorry. Coming through. Whoa! Argh!
Joe: Lesson number one, young lady. These devices can be dangerous.
Kim: So not the drama. I'm totally fine, Mr...?
Joe: Call me Joe. Ready to begin training?
Kim: Training?
Joe: I have little time and much to teach you.
Kim: Huh? Oh, no. I was rushing to international...
Barkin: Oh, Possible and Joe the new janitor. Interesting mentor choice.
Kim: Mr. Barkin, wait! He's not my...
Barkin: The custodial arts... frequently misaligned and misunderstood, but crucial to all institutions and industries.
Kim: Sure, but I was planning...
Barkin: I look forward to your report.
Kim: Great.
Kim: Some career week! More like mopping 101. Maybe I could get someone to trade mentors.
Ron: Hey, don't look at me, lady! I took a pass on the whole mentor thing. It's just so stupid, you know.
Rufus: Mmm.
Kim: Jelly-doughnut stuffer didn't work out?
Ron: Too much math.
Mrs. Dr P: Hi, Kimmie.
Kim: Hey, Mom. Mom? What are you doing here?
Mrs. Dr P: Well, I know it was last minuet, but the school asked me to help with career week.
Kim: Total score! You saved me, Mom. You won't believe who I was almost stuck with for mentor.
Mrs. Dr P: Sorry, honey, I'd love to help you out, but I'm paired up with.
Kim: Oh, no! Not bonnie!
Bonnie: Doctors are so fascinating, don't you think? And who did you get for a mentor, Kim? Oh, that's right. The new janitor.
Mrs. Dr P: It's the hospital. We better get going. See you tonight Kimmie.
Bonnie: Oh, Kim, now that you're a janitor, could you do something about the mirrors in the girl's bathroom? They are kinda streaky.
Kim: Agh!
Ron: Amp down, KP. And remember the whole mentor concept is a trap.
Computer: Bio-scan complete. Subject is Ron Stoppable.
Kim: What?
Ron: I've got a mentor! Listen! Listen to this! "Due to my on-going espionage activities, initial communication will be via non-traceable means." Yes!
Kim: I thought you don't believe in mentors.
Ron: But this one's a spy! I mean, it's not like I got a janitor or something.
Kim: Ugh!
Ron: "Devices to begin your training will be provided. This letter will self-destruct in ten seconds."
Kim: Ron!
Ron: OK, I know what yore gonna say.
Kim: No, no, no. Ron, I...
Ron: I am willing to share my mentor's wisdom with you.
Kim: The letter!
Rufus: Hi-ya! Phew!
Ron: Ron Stoppable, secret agent in training.
Kim: I'm so happy for you.
Drakken: Shego, what are you doing?!
Shego: Looking for the owner's manual.
Drakken: Owner's manuals are for lack-wits.
Shego: Uh-huh.
Drakken: Watch as I deploy the water-collection hose. This machine can store an entire lake of super-compressed water molecules to be released in tempest form whenever I decide!
Shego: Yea, you got that from the brochure.
Drakken: Hmm. The point is that now I have the power to take Canada by storm!
Shego: Why Canada, anyway?
Drakken: High literacy rate, good health care and sparkling clean cities.
Shego: Since when do you care...?
Drakken: All of which will be my evil kingdom when I rename it Drakkanada!
Shego: Ooh, that rolls off the tongue.
Drakken: What? What is it? Argh!
Shego: Maybe they put the manual in this pocket here.
Drakken: Forget the manual! These controls are designed to work intuitively. There. You see? Argh! Help! Argh! Turn it off! Perhaps we should get the manual.
Shego: Gee, you think?
Kim: Hello? Anybody home?
Joe: And so we begin.
Kim: Let me guess. Some tips on mopping?
Joe: My teachings will centre on this.
Kim: A vacuum cleaner.
Joe: The vacrometer. You'll know it inside and out.
Kim: Fun.
Joe: Starting at the fore. The output valve. Note the unique flanging.
Kim: Tell me something's up, Wade. I don't think I can handle another lesson in the way of the vacuum cleaner.
Wade: Tough mentor, huh?
Kim: Let's just say he takes his job seriously... freaky seriously.
Wade: Hmm. Here, something. A weather machine was stolen off Wacky Wally's lot.
Kim: Wacky Wally over Janitor Joe. I'll take it. Thanks, Wade.
Mrs. Dr P: Morning, Kimmie. How's career week going?
Kim: Worse than terrible! Are you sure you don't need another mentee?
Mrs. Dr P: Give it a chance, honey. You can learn something from everyone. I'd better get that. It's probably Bonnie.
Kim: What's she doing here?
Jim: Heads up!
Tim: Coming through!
Kim: Are you tweebs trying to get hurt? Argh!
Jim: We heard about your new janitor's job.
Tim: We wanted to see what was so cool about it.
Kim: Nothing is cool about it. I hate it! It stinks!
Tweebs: Gotta go!
Jim: And you're not very good at it.
Tim: Yeah, this place is a mess.
Mrs. Dr P: I'm off to work, kids. What happened?
Bonnie: Looks like Kim's bringing her work home with her.
Kim: Argh! Thanks for the lift, Mr. Peevey.
Peevey: It's the least I could do after you pulled me out of those Sequoia branches.
Kim: No big. It was only a 300-foot climb.
Peevey: I wonder if you'd help me with one other thing, Kim.
Kim: Sure.
Peevey: I've heard you're getting into the janitorial field. I've got these oily stains on my balloon. I've tried scrubbing, I've tried soaking...
Kim: Sorry, sir, you heard wrong. That's definitely not my area.
Ron: So, you wanna know where I got this suit?
Kim: From your mystery mentor?
Ron: The art of conversation is truly dead.
Ron: So this is where super villains shop. You know, I pictured something less festive.
Salesman: Welcome to Wacky Wally's Weather Machines! You wanna take a test drizzle?
Ron: I took care of that before we left.
Kim: We're here about the robbery.
Salesman: Oh Right. You just can't trust super villains any more. That blue guy seemed like such a sucker!
Kim: Blue guy?
Ron: With a girl in green?
Salesman: Oh, yeah. Rrragh!
Kim: Drakken and Shego. We need to know what they're up to.
Salesman: I never ask. You sure I can't put you in a weather machine? How about this Cumulus 2000?
Ron: Ooh! Shiny!
Kim: Come on, Agent Ron!
Ron: Got ninja smoke bomb, crypto-decoder, I don't what this is...
Shego: Sorry, I can't chat, Kimmie. I got to book with the book. Another time, princess.
Ron: I've got her, KP! Whoa!
Kim: Wrong button?
Ron: I was going for projectile net.
Kim: Wade, Drakken's got a weather machine and the manual to go with it.
Wade: Want me to check the satellites and let you know if I see if anything weird?
Kim: Please and thank you. Come on, Agent Ron. OK, girls, that was almost perfect. We just need to clean up the ending a little.
Bonnie: Speaking of cleaning, looks like you've got a visitor, Kim.
Kim: Ugh!
Joe: You missed our appointment.
Kim: Really? Well, I'm kind of busy right now. How about we make it up later?
Joe: Not later. The time is now. The subject is the vacrometer. There is still much to learn.
Bonnie: Don't worry, Kim. I can take it from here. We understand how important your new janitorial career is.
Kim: Joe, I get that you're trying help me, but...
Joe: Focus your thoughts. You must be able to field-strip the vacrometer in battle conditions.
Kim: OK. See, I know the fight against dirt is like a battle.
Joe: You are learning. So the main output valve is connected to the filter compression tank with the bypass located in the gear shifting transmuter.
Kim: Hold that thought. Hey, Wade. What's the sitch?
Wade: Urgent, Kim. You're needed at BN Headquarters.
Kim: BN Headquarters? I'm there. Oh, I gotta go. Catch you later, OK?
Joe: Wait! It's crucial!
Shego: Water output requires a repeating sequence.
Drakken: I was this close to figuring it myself.
Shego: Yeah, uh-huh, you're gonna help me out here? Hey, toggle that output switch.
Drakken: I'm toggling.
Shego: No, that's flipping. You want me to? I can...
Drakken: I can toggle, Shego! I am a genius.
Shego: But have you ever been tested?
Drakken: Have I... Ugh... Oh, there! The hydro-compressing sequence has been initiated. Step one; suck the lake into the compression tank. Step two, generate a very big storm the likes of which no-one has ever seen. Step three, conquer Canada! ...What now?
Shego: I'm wondering about the fish.
Drakken: The what?
Shego: Yeah, the fish. The fish in the water that we're taking out of the lake. What happens to them?
Drakken: They... I... I... They go somewhere! That's not important! What matters is that my weather machine is working and soon...Oh, Drakkanada!
Shego: It matters if you're a fish.
Kim: BN Headquarters, also known as Bueno Nacho. Pretty slick, Wade.
Wade: I figured you could use an assist.
Kim: You have no idea. I am so done with that vacuum cleaner. Later.
Ron: Hello, Miss Possible. The name's Stoppable. Ron Stoppable.
Rufus: Hey!
Kim: Winter formal's not for months, Ron.
Ron: It's the latest in spy wear. My mentor left it for me.
Kim: I'm thrilled. Moving on.
Ron: Oh, come on. You still bummed about...
Kim: Don't say the M-word.
Ron: Gotcha. OK. Nothing about the mentors except to say that mine is the coolest! Look what the bow tie does! Check it out. It's sneezing powder. You squirt it... Achoo! And it... Achoo! See, it comes out... Achoo! I didn't order yet.
Kim: Hey, it looks like there's a note.
Ron: "The time to test your skills is approaching. Be prepared. This chimarito will self-destruct in ten seconds." Huh, the chi... Achoo!
Kim: Agh!
Rufus: Yummy!
Kim: Hey, Wade. More trouble at BN Headquarters?
Wade: Trouble up north, Kim. Drakken's weather machine has struck. And it's sucking the Great Lakes dry! Take a look at this.
Wade: I mapped Drakken's hits.
Kim: One lake left. Canada, eh? Let's go, Ron.
Wade: My weather satellite imaging system says Drakken's coordinate should be a little north of you.
Kim: According to the brochure at the showroom, the weather machine Drakken stole looks like this.
Ron: That?
Drakken: Now that the Great Lakes are... egh. It's time for the second phase of my plan. Do you know what that is, Shego?
Shego: That's the... um, that's the storm thing, right? Oh, I'm sorry. Did you wanna rant some more?
Drakken: Thank you. Once Canada flees my stormy grip call the map makers and tell them about Drakkanada!
Shego: Look!
Drakken: Kim Possible?!
Kim: Maybe there's some controls on the other side.
Shego: Why not try the roof?
Ron: Tell it to the immobilization ray, Shego! Ugh!
Kim: Ron?
Shego: You really need some help with the sidekicks.
Kim: A lightning rod?
Shego: Yea if it were up to me, I'd go for the direct approach, but you know Drakken.
Ron: Don't worry... KP. Immobilization... wearing... off.
Rufus: Agh!
Kim: And cue the lightning.
Ron: Don't worry, Kim. I'm sure my mentor gave me a gadget to get us out of here.
Kim: So if your mentor's so great, why hasn't he helped us yet? Joe?
Joe: There's not much time. I'll explain on the way.
Kim: OK, really feeling like I'm missing something here.
Kim: Is this because I gooned on our last meeting?
Joe: Let's just hope you learned what you need for this assignment.
Kim: What assignment?
Joe: Stopping Drakken's vacrometer.
Kim: You mean his weather machine thingy?
Joe: Yes, vacrometer. That's what I said.
Drakken: Shego! What's the code for the storm shield?
Shego: OK, it's blue, blue, red, blue.
Kim: The vacuum was a model of the weather machine? How do you know about all this? You're a janitor.
Joe: That was my cover.
Ron: Good janitor disguise.
Joe: What disguise? This is the uniform of a top-secret Canadian spy organization.
Ron: You're a spy?
Joe: A Canadian spy, eh.
Kim: Why didn't you just tell me?
Joe: I thought I was painfully obvious.
Kim: Oh.
Joe: Just like my messages to young Stoppable.
Ron: You're my mentor?
Drakken: Kim Possible?! Again?! Shego, more lightning!
Joe: As the Drakken expert, you were a natural for this mission.
Kim: I don't know anything about weather machines.
Joe: That's why I was sent to train you.
Kim: Oh. My bad.
Joe: The controls are shot. Get to the vacrometer and implement dismantling sequence.
Kim: Um, go over it a few more times.
Joe: No time! Go!
Ron: Right behind you, KP! Come on! Come on! There's gotta a way to stop these! Argh! Argh!
Kim: OK, Kim, think. There was definitely something about a flange. Or was it a valve? Ugh!
Shego: Today's forecast? 100 percent chance of pain.
Ron: Come on! Come on! What are you doing?!
Shego: What's wrong, Kimmie? Feeling under the weather?
Ron: Agh!
Kim: Falling pressure, Shego?
Ron: Go, KP!
Kim: Start with the output valve. OK, not exactly bad.
Ron: Ooh! Ooh! Try twisting this knobby thing! Whagh!
Kim: We definitely ruled out twisting that knobby thing. Thank you, Ron.
Ron: No problem.
Kim: Why didn't I pay more attention? Gotta think! The main output valve is connected to the... filter compression tank! With the bypass located in the gear shifting transmuter. OK. So that means...
Drakken: You're too late, Kim Possible! Any second, this storm will be complete and unstoppable!
Ron: Actually, it's Stoppable. Ron Stoppable.
Drakken: I don't get it. Achoo! Achoo!
Ron: Boo-yah!
Kim: Nice work, Agent Stoppable. Now, I'm pretty sure that shut down has to begin with the hydro-reflux valve. Yes! The water's going back to the lake!
Ron: Kim, you did it!
Kim: With seconds to spare. Joe would be proud.
Shego: So that's what happened to the fish.
Kim: So you're all packed?
Joe: Yes, it's time to return to Canada.
Kim: Well, thanks for, you know, training me. I wish I had been a better student.
Joe: When it came down to it, you had right stuff. Even him.
Ron: Joe, you just can't go!
Joe: But I must, young Stoppable, duty calls.
Ron: That's what I'm talking about. The boy?s room by the cafeteria is a disaster.
Joe: Stoppable, I'm not really a janitor. Miss Possible, farewell.
Kim: Yeah, later. I actually think I'm going to miss him.
Ron: Me, too.
Kim: Joe?
Ludwig: I am Ludwig.
Kim: You must be the new janitor. Welcome to Middleton High. I'm Kim Possible.
Ludwig: Augh! Miss Possible! It is excellent that I have found you fast! I am a Bavarian spy on a top-secret mission!
Kim: Really? Great. Here we go.