Grande Size Me

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By wallaceb
Kim: Ron, hey what is it?
Ron: Just… found… out, have… to… take health class.
Kim: That’s it?
Ron: Health class, it’s sick and wrong!
Rufus: Oh yes. Sick and wrong.
Kim: Wouldn’t it be healthy and wrong?
Ron: You don’t get it KP, I’m gunna be the only senior in a class full of freshman.
Kim: Why didn’t you take it freshman year?
Ron: I um, had other priorities.
Ron: Ow, ow, ow
Rufus: Ow, ow, ow.
Ron: Yea that was a busy first semester.
Rufus: Uh-hu, ow.
Barkin: Alright people listen up, Mrs. Cavorlty while enjoying some delicious fruit had neglected to notice where she had dropped a banana peel, so I will be covering this class.
Ron: Just gets better.
Barkin: Which brings us to lesion one, the importance of a balanced diet. I know a lot of you teenagers like to hang out, fast food joints, like Cow & Chow, or Bueno Nacho.
Ron: Oh no he didn’t.
Barkin: Places like that are fine some times food, but not every single day.
Ron: Liiiiiieeeesss! Barkin’s gone too far this time.
Kim: Health class issues?
Ron: Yes, in front of impressionable freshman, he says that Bueno Nacho’s bad to eat every day. I eat here all the time, and look at me, oh… picture of health.
Kim: Ron, um, your diet could stand to be a bit more… balanced.
Ron: Barkin got to you.
Kim: No, uh, healthy food can be good. Look, salad. Wanna bite?
Ron: Bueno Nacho has salads? Where’s the seasoned ground beef? The hand pumped cheese?
Kim: Hello? It’s a salad. Lettuce, tomato, dressing.
Ron: Hello? It’s a salad, Lettuce, tomato, disappointment. “Hablamos Salad”? It’s like they’re proud of it.
Kim: Woop! Woop! Over reaction alert!
Ron: Which side are you on Kim?
Kim: Woop! Woop!
Ron: You know, I’ll prove you and Barkin wrong, not only will I keep eating at Bueno Nacho, I’ll eat nothing but Bueno Nacho from now on.
Ned: Hey Ron, try one of our new muy bueno ensalads?
Ron: Not a chance Ned, I want a classic nacho combo, and this time grande size me.
Ned: are you sure? That’s a lot of extra beans and cheese?
Ron: Never been mote sure Ned, never been more sure.
Hench: We need something for the third quarter roll out. Uh, how about project titan?
Guy: It’s a work in progress.
Hench: How’s progress?
Guy: Not working.
Hench: The computer virus?
Guy: Was wiped out, by a computer virus.
Hench: Hmm, how about this, the transducer? Build a better super weapon and the super villains beat a path to your door.
Guy: It’s functional, but clunky.
Hench: Push clunky as a new feature and put the word out, it goes to the highest bidder.
Barkin: Alright freshman, and Stoppable, this is the wheel of good eating, each spoke is a different food group, meat and beans in moderation, grains, preferably whole grains, bread cereal, rice and pasta, yes Stoppable.
Ron: Well, you know what has grains, cheese, vegetables, meat, and beans? Nature’s perfect food, the naco!
Barkin: Nature wouldn’t have put in more fat than a stick of butter.
Ron: Check it out KP, the Ron Stoppable diet. Got your daily allowanced of nacos, chimaceros, and casachangas.
Kim: Is that a camera?
Ron: Huh, cracking a major conspiracy, gotta keep a record.
Kim: Don’t listen to Ron, eat more vegetables and fruit, and feel terrif!
Ron: Cut! Ok cut! Kim, this is my video, not “the man’s” KP, Monique, you go ahead, I’ll catch up.
Barkin: Do you see what I see?
Ron: Uh, fresh wood shavings in all the cages?
Barkin: No, those hamsters are eating their vegetables, crunchy nutritious vegetables.
Ron: Oh yea they are, they got… wait a second, you’re trying to teach me on Smarty Mart time!
Barkin: No I wasn’t, I was on break!
Ron: I’m calling the manager.
Ron: Kim! Did you know Bueno nacho has breakfast?! The Waveadia, I can practically live here!
Kim: Ron, you do practically live here. We’re gunna be late for school.
Ron: Oh yea, better make that to go.
Ned: Grande Size?
Ron: Ned, Ned, Ned, huh, do you even have to ask? Huh… must have shrunk.
Rufus: Huh?
Ron: Uh, I’ll have the number 12 combination please.
Ned: The combinations only go up to 8, there is no number 12.
Ron: Uh there is if you out together a 3, a 2, and a 7. Oh don’t tell me. Hey… Monique. Oh god, oh… cut…
Barkin: Moving on from diet to exercise. Stoppable! What is your problem?
Ron: Huh what?
Barkin: Pay attention class, every year there is one joker who mocks the curriculum by downing nothing but junk food. Here is what an unbalanced diet looks like people, don’t avert your eyes! Look at it!
Ron: Hey!
Barkin: Are you short of breath, yes or no?
Ron: NO!
Barkin: How’s your reaction time? You’re sleeping more than usual aren’t ya? Don’t bother to answer. I have witnesses.
Ron: There is noting wrong with my reaction time.
Barkin: Ad your clothes, getting a bit snug huh?
Ron: Yep, I you know I think Rufus has let himself go. Don’t you ever get tired of eating like a rabbit?
Kim: Ask the one eating like a pig?
Ron: Look, I now we all like our playful teasing, but I think you crossed the line Kim.
Rufus: Yea!
Kim: Right, totally unfair to pigs. What’s the sitch Wade?
Wade: There’s something brewing at Henchco. Something big.
Kim: Got something big here too.
Ron: Another line crossed, man!
Wade: Yea but your something big doesn’t involve every villain you can name.
Kim: I can name a lot of villains. Drakken, Monkey Fist, Duff Killigan.
Wade: They’re all there. Even Gemini.
Ron: Gemini? I haven’t seen him in a while.
Wade: looks like Hench is auctioning off some kind of new super weapon.
Kim: We’re on it, come on Ron, mission.
Ron: Coming, coming. Oh! Bonus taco. Can we hit the drive through real quick?
Hench: Thank you, we’re here tonight to introduce new exciting advance in villain tech, the Henchco molecular transducer.
Lady: Wow Jack, and I hear it features a new hip clunky design.
Drakken: What, who’s applauding?
Kim: Ron, are you eating again?
Ron: I found a burrito stick in my…
Kim: I don’t want to know, keep focused. I think I hear applause.
Hench: Yes, clunky means it’s easy to use. Just point at your target, flip all the switches, and, now if I can have a volunteer? Uh, how about you sir? Now would you mind kicking this two foot thick, solid steel vault door?
Killigan: Alright.
Lady: Wow Jack, that really is amazing. That guy has some foot.
Hench: Oh-oh-oh, it is not the foot, Tiffany, see, the transducer alters the molecular bonds, I just weakened the steel to the consistency of a tortia chip. And it also…
Drakken: Oh give me a break, I don’t believe for one minute this thing, ohh!!!
Hench: It also changes things back.
Ron: Eh, when did air vents get so snug?
Kim: Maybe when you started grande sizing every meal at Bueno Nacho?
Ron: You know this is not the time for your proper eating-ganda KP.
Computer: Warning, project Titan has been activated. Warning.
Monkey Fist: Kim Possible.
Kim: Well, the gangs all here.
Hench: Life time discount to whoever nabs Kim Possible.
Ron: This stuff tastes like… just like butter scotch!
Computer: Warning, project Titan has been compromised.
Hench: Come on guys, you can’t take down one cheerleader? Ok, like time discount, plus free coffee and bagels every uh, Monday.
Killigan: I’ll halt the lassie. For!
Ron: KP! Ok, who wants a piece of me?
Drakken: Oh, something’s different about him.
Killigan: Gha, what have you done to your self laddie? You look ghastly man.
Monkey Fist: You really should take better care of your self.
Kim: Wade, ride?
Wade: On its way now.
Kim: Ron, time to go. So, we need to get this thing to Global Justice before Hench’s goons come looking for it.
Wade: I’ll set it up. Do you want me to find Ron a personal trainer while I’m at it?
Kim: OH not yet. Oh he’ll come around… eventually, I hope. Uh, Ron, are you alright?
Ron: Never better KP, why do you ask?
Kim: Cause I think you got taller?
Ron: Unexpected bonus of the Bueno Nacho miracle diet. Admit it, I was right, you and Barkin were wrong. Uh, did you get that?
Rufus: Uh-hu. Check.
Ron: ow! Ok, somebody lowered your door way, better get that fixed Mr. B.
Barkin: Stoppable, what has happened to you?
Ron: Your worst nightmare.
Barkin: The one with Abe Lincoln and the bull sharks?
Ron: Uh, no, no. no the one where I provide conclusive proof that your wheel of good eating is just a pitiful attempt to brain wash impressionable freshman.
Barkin: Now you mark my words Stoppable, before this course ends you’ll be following this wheel like the latest plot line of Agony County.
Ron: Oh yea. You gunna eat that?
Monique: Eat it? I can’t even identify it.
Kim: Ron, you do know that’s mystery meat right?
Ron: Eh, it all eats the same.
Monique: Well there goes my appetite.
Kim: Well, at least cafeteria lunch offers balanced nutrition. If you don’t mind grey food.
Bonnie: That’s quite the appetite your BF has there Kim. Maybe someone should explain to him that when jocks bulk up, it means muscle.
Ron: You gunna eat that? Ow! Afternoon ladies. Mini cord dog?
Kim: Uh, Ron, aren’t you supposed to heat those up or something?
Ron: OH KP, you can’t live your life blindly following cooking directions. Besides, they’re crunchier frozen.
Monique: Ron, no food in the store.
Ron: Problem solved. Oh you know what would go great right now? A doughnut. Oh doughnuts! You want anything from the food court? Ow, what’s up with these doors?
Hench: We’ve got Kim Possible under surveillance, she’ll lead us to the transducer eventually. But Drakken and the others will have the same idea. So I need the rest of you to watch out for them. Oh, that’s the down side wit dealing with criminals. They’re always looking to steal your stuff. Uh which reminds me, has anybody seen my stapler?
Guy: I do have an update on project Titan, the mutation formula will only work if the subject has first been exposed to extreme amounts of saturated fat, cholesterol and preservatives.
Hench: Wow, you’d have to eat nothing but Cow & Chow or Bueno Nacho.
Guy: And even if you could find some one east’s that badly, instead of the ultimate super henchman, we would get this.
Hench: OH! I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
Ron: What?!
Kid: You eat funny.
Ron: I know that, you think I don’t know that?
Kim: Ron, we have to talk.
Ron: Talk to this Kid, what’s your name?
Josh: Josh.
Ron: Then mind your own bee’s wax Josh.
Kim: Ron?!
Ron: He’s getting all up in my grill about how I eat.
Josh: Hey, I’m just saying. Wouldn’t hurt to chew your food.
Ron: Chew my own food, you don’t do it anyway.
Kim: Um, I think I’m with Josh on this one. Ron, you have to stop this. What you’re doing, it-it’s not healthy. For you, or for us.
Rufus: Uh-hu.
Ron: Kim, I’ve got something to prove here ok?
Kim: I gotta go, rendezvous with Global Justice. Coming?
Ron: Ok, I’ll catch up as soon as I’m finished. What? Don’t give me that look. That goes for you too Josh. Oh, hello beautiful,
Everyone: Ahhh!
**Hulk Ron:**Ron Hungry! Ron hate salad!
Ned: Ron, snap out of it, this isn’t like you. Ok, that’s like you.
Jim: We need a ride to the mall.
Kim: Can’t, gotta get this to Global Justice, ASAT.
Tim: That’s what you always say.
Kim: Hey!
Jim: Wade, where’s Kim meeting up with Global Justice?
Wade: Gas station, right near the mall.
Kim: Oh, get in.
**Hulk Ron:**Grr, Ron hungry!
Kim: Now what?
Tim: Do you know you’re being followed by Dr. Drakken.
Drakken: Attention Kim Possible, you have something that doesn’t belong to you, ok technically it doesn’t belong to me either, but I’m a villain. I don’t particularly care! Now, hand it over.
Kim: Evasive action, hang on.
Tim: Why, you’ve got a molecular transducer, don’t you?
Kim: Well, yea but…
Drakken: Oh snap! Ahhh! Gha!
Kim: How did you know?
Jim: it’s just like ours, but not as good. Ours makes smoothies.
**Hulk Ron:**Ah, doughnut, Ron want! Oh, ow, doughnut hurt Ron, Ron smash! Whoa! Oh no! Doughnut run away! Come back doughnut. Doughnut calm down.
Kim: Is that Ron?
Rufus: Help!
Tim: I’m thinking yes.
Kim: Wade, we have a major Ron problem here.
Wade: You mean the fact that he has been turned into a 15 foot tall rampaging behemoth?
Kim: Ok, how do we reverse it?
Wade: It would take a series of complex proteins, niesen, beta-keratin, vitamin D, here.
Tim: Hey! That’s the wheel of good eating.
Jim: We learned about it health class.
Kim: What do we have to do Wade?
Wade: Make him eat fruits and vegetables.
Kim: Right, that would be easy.
Tim: We can do it!
Jim: It is every freshman’s dream.
Tim: Force feeding vegetables to a senior.
Jim: A mutant senior.
Kim: Just don’t hurt him ok?
**Hulk Ron:**Burger!
Kim: What’s first?
Jim: Grain group, bran muffins and whole wheat pasta. Andante! Now!
**Hulk Ron:**Gha whole wheat?!
Jim: Uh-oh.
Tim: Hey Ron!
Jim: That takes care of the vegetable group.
Tim: Why are we stopping?
Kim: So not in the mood for this. This would be easier if we didn’t have to worry about… hey, where’s Ron? Ron, we do have time for this. I have an appointment with Global Justice.
**Hulk Ron:**Ron hate monkeys! Ron smash!
Monkey Fist: Monkey ninjas attack! Impressive. But brute strength is no match for Ti-Shing-Pec-Whar. Uh-oh.
**Hulk Ron:**Monkey Man bad!
Kim: What’s next on the wheel?
Tim: Meat, fish, poultry, and eggs. For!
**Hulk Ron:**Gha! Ron hates clown! Oh clown throw chicken! Ron smash!
Kim: Where’s Tim?
Jim: 14th hole, last part of our plan.
Kim: There’s a plan?
**Hulk Ron:**Oh doughnut!
Rufus: Doughnut!
Kim: Um, where did he get a crossbow?
Jim: Eleventh hole. The night in front of the castle.
Tim: The fruit group.
**Hulk Ron:**Fruit! Give Ron doughnut!
Kim: Give me the grapes! Ron, are you alright?
Ron: Uh, oh, Ron loose pants…
Agent: Miss Possible, I’m here for the transducer.
Kim: Got it back in the car. So, did we learn anything?
Ron: By we you mean…
Kim: You. Did you learn anything?
Ron: Well, some of the stuff on that wheel is kinda tasty.
Kim: Ron.
Ron: Eating a balanced diet will keep you from turning into a mutated maniac?
Kim: Yea, something like that.
Ron: Hey kids, Ron Stoppable here with my buddy Rufus.
Rufus: Hi.
Ron: You know we had some fun today, but now I would like to get serious about an important subject.
Monique: Who is he talking to?
Kim: I don’t know.
Ron: Short term genetic mutation. Sure, it’s funny when it happens to somebody else, but it isn’t always reversible, so take it from me.
Barkin: Who is he talking to?
Ron: Stay out of large vats of mysterious chemicals, keep your DNA intact, and stay un-mutated. You’ll be glad you did. What?
Barkin: Stoppable! Office now!



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