Car Trouble

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By wallaceb
Ron: Kim, this isn't just a big deal, it's a big hairy deal!
Kim: It's driver's Ed, Ron, no big.
Ron: This isn't any old class, KP; this is a right of passage! Today we get behind the wheel of Detroit steel!
Kim: I repeat, no big.
Ron: Oh, really, Kim? Need I remind you Russell Nelemeyer? He flunked Driver's Ed and he lives in parents' basement and he takes the bus to his job as a taxidermist!
Kim: Russell has a lot of issues.
Ron: Yes, and they all started in driver's Ed.
Barkin: People, today is the most important day of your young lives. Today you pass through the doorway to adulthood. Today... you drive. But first a film. Lights.
Narrator: This used to be Judy's car and what a swell car it was. Down right nifty for going to sock hops and soda parlors.
Kim: What's the sock hop?
Kim: What's the soda parlor?
Narrator: But that was all before Judy's keen little coupe became...The Ghost Car!
Barkin: You could imagine what that carnage would look like in color. Don't look away, people!
Bonnie: He said that? Well, he just moved from hottie to naughty.
Barkin: OK, who's ready to roll?!
Rufus: Ugh!
Freeman: True, the micro circuitry problem has yet to be solved, and of course, there is the positronic interface to think about, but the basic theoretical work is sound, right?
Or am I completely cracked? Well?!
Toaster: I'm thinking! I'm thinking! ...Done thinking. It'll work!
Freeman: Wonderful! Let's celebrate. Blender, whip up a banana smoothie.
Blender: You got it, Doctor Freeman.
Freeman: Stereo, party mix, if you please.
Stereo: Ah, yeah! Crankin' it up, baby.
Microwave: I've got a pita pocket and I'm ready to warm.
Freeman: Microwave, you know me all too well.
Drakken: Cancel that order. Good morning, Doctor Freeman! Aagh. You're coming with me!
Freeman: What?! I...!
Microwave: Someone's tryin' to take Doctor Freeman! Attack!

Drakken: Aagh! Make it stop! Make it...stop. What happened?
Shego: You know, for someone who's supposedly a mad genius, I'm not seeing much of the genius.
Drakken: Keep it up, Shego, and you'll see plenty of the mad.
Shego: Ooh, scary man.
Freeman: Um, pardon me, but what is it you two want?
Drakken: You're going to help me, Doctor Freeman, with a little problem I'm having. And pay for my dry-cleaning as well.

Ron: Er, the school's insurance 'll cover the damage, right?

Barkin: Looks like you and old Russ Needlemeyer are gonna spend a quality time together at the bus stop. Rockwaller, break the string of spirit-crushing failures.
Bonnie: He's a froon, but a beautiful froon.
Barkin: Rockwaller!
Bonnie: I gotta do this thing. Flip side. Let's drive.
Barkin: You are ready for the pro-circuit, Rockwaller.
Ron: Wow! Bonnie passed?
Bonnie: Don't choke.
Kim: Only when I see you.
Barkin: This should be a cinch for you, Possible.
Kim: Right. No big, Mr. B.
Barkin: What are you think you doin'?
Kim: Starting the car?
Barkin: Without your seat belt?
Kim: Oh, yeah, right.
Barkin: Now what are you doin'?!
Kim: Er, driving.
Barkin: Not without checkin' your mirror you're not, missy!
Kim: Mirror. Gotcha.
Ron: Right of passage!
Barkin: ...to adulthood!
[n]Narrator:[/n] ...Ghost Car!
Bonnie: Don't choke!
Barkin: Put it in gear. Put it in gear, Possible!
Kim: Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.
Barkin: Watch your speed! Cut the wheel. This isn't jolly old England, Possible!
Kim: Huh?
Barkin: Right side!
Kim: Oh.
Barkin: Squirrel!
Kim: Squirrel? Is that like a K-turn?
Barkin: It's like a squirrel!
Kim: So... do I pass?
Freeman: Hm, some sort of manufacturing facility.
Drakken: Very observant, Doctor Freeman. This factory once manufactured family station wagons, but I've twisted it...
Freeman: My parents had a station wagon. To sock hops and soda parlors in it...
Drakken: Oh, neato. Where was I?!
Shego: Twisted it.
Drakken: I've twisted it to a grander purpose, a far more insidious threat, a much deadlier...
Shego: He's building an army of robots.
Drakken: Why do you do that? The evil rant is one of the best perks of the job!
Shego: Yea, well it’s boring! Just so you know.
Drakken: Bring in the Destructo bots!
Freeman: You've already built your robot army so why do you need me?
Drakken: It's really just a formality. Dot the “I” and...
Shego: I'll show you. Cus it's pretty... Destructo bots, attack! Destructo bots, switch off!
Drakken: Alright, fine, my Destructo bots are stupid! Your creations, on the other hand, are smart.
Freeman: Smart and funny. My toaster's, by the way, always good for when you...
Drakken: I just want the smart.
Freeman: Forget it! I'll never help you!
Drakken: I was hoping you'd say that. You've given me the chance to test... the Brain-Sifter!
Rufus: Yeah, hey!
Ron: So, as you can see from this very conclusive demonstration, it's not so much that I lost control of the car, as it is they built the gym too close to the parking lot.
Kim: I never choke. Ever. Check the motto. I can do anything.
Ron: Right, you can do anything, including fail. See the logic?
Bonnie: If you'd been in a remote-control car today Kim. You might have passed, as long as Crash Stoppable wasn't at the controls.
Ron: Just because you're the only one who passed, doesn't mean...!
Rufus: Weeee!
Ron: Hold that thought. Rufus! Rufus, come back! Oh, he's gone! He's gone forever!
My sweet naked mole rat! Why?! Why?!
Ron: Good to have you back, little buddy.
Rufus: again! Again!
Kim: I am so over cars. There's nothing wrong with walking.
Ron: Yeah. Yeah, I'm thinking this whole driving thing is way overrated. Did Thomas Jefferson drive a car? Did George Washington? The Wright brothers flew airplane but did they drive? Actually I don't know but the point is...
Kim: We're being followed.
Ron: Really? Are you sure?
Kim: Only one way to find out. This way!
Ron: Aagh! Ugh! I'd just like to point out that that was "two" fences in a row
and I didn't rip my pants!
Kim: Let no one doubt your fence-jumping skills, Ron. Now move. What happened to you?
Ron: Nothing!
Kim: I think we lost the car.
Sadi: Kim Possible?
Kim: Yes.
Sadi: I've come for you.
Ron: Ghost car! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Gah! Gah! Gah! Gah!
Sadi: Does he do this often?
Kim: Almost daily. Ron, Chill. I highly doubt this SUV is possessed by spirits.
Sadi: I'm a Systemized Automotive Driving Intelligence, but my passengers call me Sadi.
Ron: No ghosts?
Sadi: No ghosts. I am equipped with ejector seats, disintegrator ray, and I come in variety of colors.
Kim: Cool!
Sadi: What about the monogram too much?
Kim: I like.
Ron: Wow! That drinks holder could hold king-sized slurpster!
Rufus: King-sized? Yum!
Kim: I'm impressed, but what do you want from me?
Sadi: Some freaks snatch my inventor, Doctor Freeman. I found your website.
Kim: I've never had a hit from a car before.
Sadi: Can you really do anything?
Ron: Oh, yeah, you know except a K-turn.
Kim: Any clue who did it?
Sadi: Clueless, but the blender might know something.
Ron: Did you say Blender?
Blender: I-I-It was all so chaotic.
Ron: That's a talkin' blender, alright.
Rufus: Oh, Creepy!
Kim: Just tell us whatever you can about the people who took Doctor Freeman.
Blender: One of them was roguish and the other was petulant I guess I would say.
Kim: Roguish and petulant? Erm, OK, can you be a little more descriptive?
Ron: Height, weight, anything that might be a tinsey bit useful?!
Blender: Look, I wasn't built with eyes.
Sadi: Try the toaster!
Toaster: Truth, people. I was concentrating on making the toast that was perfect golden brown.
Ron: Good man.
Microwave: Wait, I just remembered!
Kim: Spill.
Microwave: Their body temperature was at 98.6 degrees.
Ron: Oh, Great! That narrows the list of suspects down to... lets see everybody in whole wide world.
Blender: This no need to get testy.
Ron: Sorry, but generally KP and I get more to go on. A picture, maybe, or some fingerprints.
Kim: Or even a voice.
Stereo: Did you say a voice? I recorded the whole thing, baby.
Ron: You wait until Blender and I about to mix it up to mention this?!
Stereo: "Good morning, Doctor Freeman. You're coming me..."
Kim and Ron: Drakken!
Drakken: My compliments, Dr. Freeman. You've survived the Brain- Sifter and the Mind Drill, and the Cranial Drain! I didn't want to do this, Doctor. But you've forced my hand! Help me, please! Come on! Do me a solid.
Freeman: Your entreaties are falling on deaf ears.
Shego: Yep just like I thought. This guy won't help us because he can't help us.
Drakken: Shego, what do you say? The man's a genius!
Freeman: The world leading expert on computerized automation.
Shego: If you really knew his stuff, he fix your robots and be on his marry way. Right, Dr. Drakken?
Drakken: Huh? Oh, I see. Yes, you're right. This Freeman clearly is a poser.
Freeman: What?
Shego: Yea we should grabbed another scientist.
Drakken: Yes, perhaps somebody from community college.
Freeman: Those hacks? I can program circles around those buffoons!
Shego: You talk the talk. Prove it.
Freeman: Can't even program a VCR at that place.
Drakken: Bet you can't fix my death ray, either!
Shego: Hey, don't push it. Can you not?
Kim: Pop quiz, Wade. Drakken plus an expert on computerized intelligence equals...
Wade: Evil robot army?
Kim: Has to be.
Wade: I'll cross-reference abandoned factories with shipments of robotic parts and micro processor orders.
Kim: You techno-rock, Wade.
Wade: I try. But this is a needle-haystack scenario, Kim. It might take time.
Kim: I'll check in after school. Later, Dad.
Mr. Dr P: Need a ride to school Kimmie?
Kim: Already got one.
Mr. Dr P: With a boy?
Kim: No, a self-driving computerized vehicle.
Mr. Dr P: Okey-dokey. As long as it's not a boy.
Ron: The moment of truth is here. Yes, it fits! The king-sized slurpster fits!
Sadi: Alright, alright. Put a lid on it. You look like a spiller.
Rufus: Brain freeze!
Ron: What's wrong, KP? There's a driver's-side drink-holder too.
Kim: I'm good on the beverage front. It's Driver's Ed that’s got me torqued.
Ron: Oh yeah. Forgot about that.
Sadi: Excuse me? Driver's education?
Ron: Mr. Barkin's test course is deadly.
Kim: Heinous and deadly.
Sadi: Hello? What am I missing here?! Self-driving car. I was made for this.
Ron: Right! We take Barkin's test in Sadi and we ace it perfect, KP!
Kim: No, Ron, I'm not gonna cheat.
Ron: Is using a calculator in algebra cheating?
Kim: I don't use a calculator.
Ron: OK. Well, is cutting pasting stuff from the internet and calling it a paper cheating?
Kim: You are kidding, right?
Ron: What?
Kim: I can pass this test on my own. I know I can.
Ron: You know what they say, Mr. B. Any crash you can walk away from.
Barkin: Stoppable, I've got two words for you. Public transportation.
Barkin: Right of passage.
Ron: Doorway to adulthood.
Sadi: I was made for this.
Barkin: Get in the car. In the car, Possible!
Kim: Oh. Right. Sorry.
Bonnie: Not even buckled in and She's already choking.
Sadi: I can't just idle and watch this.
Kim: What are you doing?
Barkin: State-mandated paperwork. Are we doing this test or not, Possible?
Kim: Yes, sir.
Sadi: Don't worry, sweetie. I've got you covered.
Barkin: How's that?!
Kim: I, um... I've got it covered, um, sweetie.
Barkin: I... am impervious to sweet-talk, Possible. Start the car!
Barkin: Well done. Now let's see a k-turn.
Sadi: K-turn? Honey, I'll give you the whole alphabet.
Barkin: Pardon me?
Kim: Um, you might wanna hang on.
Barkin: You even dotted the "I". Magnificent. A plus, plus!
Kim: Hmm.
Ron: You aced it! I knew you could. Say, um you'll give me rides? Cos the Russell Needlemeyer thing freaks me out.
Kim: Can we not talk cars, please?
Bonnie: Hey, Kimmie, I can still drive circles around you.
Kim: Any time, any place, Bonnie! As long as it’s before dark and I have a licensed driver in the car.
Bonnie: Whatever.
Ron: You know, you seem a little agitated for a girl who just aced her driver's test.
Kim: I cheated. Well, Sadi cheated for me, but the guilt is still major.
Ron: You cheated?
Kim: She just did it!
Ron: I'm sorry. Let me rephrase. You cheated? And you didn't let me cheat, too?
Kim: I didn't cheat, Ron! I mean, is it cheating if I cheated but I didn't mean to cheat?
Ron: What?
Kim: What's the sitch, Wade?
Wade: Drakken's lair. Found it.
Kim: Drakken, release Dr. Freeman. Are they partying?
Freeman: I told you I could do it.
Drakken: I know I told you you could. I never doubted you.
Freeman: Sadi, you came! It was quite exciting! Dr. Drakken had a programming glitch in his Destructo bots that he was sure I couldn't fix. Well, I showed him.
Kim: Hi. Kim Possible. Came to save you. Did you just say fixed Drakken's Destructo bots?
Freeman: Yes! They work perfectly now... which might not be a good thing.
Rufus: Uh-oh.
Drakken: Destructo bot vaporize them all but start with Kim Possible!
Ron: Ooh, that's gonna scratch the paint.
Freeman: No, scratch-proof paint.
Ron: Nice! Duck! Brain freeze! Never underestimate the power of the slurpster!
Rufus: King size!
Drakken: Shego, Kim Possible and that sporty utility vehicle are destroying my robots!
Shego: And that's why you have me around. Real nice.
Kim: Sadi!
Rufus: Uh-oh!
Rufus: Ar!
Ron: Agh! I don't wanna melt!
Shego: Come on! We're gone!
Drakken: Agh! Argh!
Drakken: Farewell, Kim Possible! We won't meet again!
Kim: Anybody see a way out of here?
Ron: No, and it's not for a lack of trying.
Sadi: I can get us out.
Kim: Sadi, you're still alive!
Sadi: Yeah, but my automated guidance systems are fried. Someone's gonna have to drive me out of here.
Ron: No problem. Doc Freeman can take the wheel.
Freeman: Oh, Sorry. I can't drive.
Kim: You can't drive?
Freeman: Why else build a self-driving car?
Kim: Great.
Ron: Alright, alright, when the chips are down Ron Stoppable takes charge. Now which one of these pedal thingy’s do I step on to make it go-go?
Rufus: I don't know.
Freeman: Miss Possible, you'll have to take the wheel.
Kim: Me? No way!
Sadi: Confession time, Kim. I lied. I didn't cheat for you during Barkin’s test.
Kim: You didn't?
Sadi: I was going to but I realized you were doing just fine by yourself. So I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.
Kim: Really? So I can drive?
Sadi: A plus, plus, baby.
Kim: Seat belts, check. Mirrors, check.
Ron: Hot metal, check! Could you just floor it, please?!
Kim: Going.
Rufus: Yikes!
Ron: Dead end
Freeman: And this passage is too narrow! You'll never pull a U-turn!
Kim: Then the K-turn's all I've got.
Ron: Boo-Yah!
Sadi: Wall!
Ron: Argh! Whoa! Way to drive, KP!
Freeman: Well done, indeed.
Sadi: Want the cherry on top, Kim? Just press the red button.
Drakken: Well, my robot army was a failure. But at least Kim Possible won't be around to ruin my future schemes.
Shego: See? Always a silver lining.
Drakken: Yes, ha, ha. Do you hear something? Kim Possible, you think your car's all that but it's not!
Kim: Nailed the bad guys and Mr. Barkin's test. I call that a good week.
Sadi: Confession time 2.0, Kim. I really did do all the driving on Barkin's test.
Kim: What?
Ron: Are you saying you lied about lying?
Sadi: Hey, I knew Kim was a good driver, she just needed a little confidence boost so I fibbed.
Ron: Well, I hate to approve of dishonesty. You know, except for when no one notices.
Kim: But I did really drive just now, right? You swear?
Sadi: Cross my carburetor and hope to stall.
Kim: So, did I pass?
Barkin: Why would the best student driver I've ever seen insist on re-taking her test only to lower her grade?
Kim: Just something I had to do. So?
Barkin: You passed. B minus.
Kim: Woo hoo-hoo!
Barkin: I'll never understand teenagers.